Embarking on the third season of The HVMC podcast we're starting with relationships and real-talk with my new co-host Josh Lashua, relationship expert.
This is the REDEMPTION episode.
- How do you build back after infidelity?
- What goes into selecting your mate?
- Why do most men struggle in relationship?
Just a few things we're going to cover in this episode and Season 3 of The High Value Man Conversation.
===> Join the weekly newsletter and get your free copy of 5 Steps to Becoming a High Value Man
Embarking on the third season of The HVMC podcast we're starting with relationships and real-talk with my new co-host Josh Lashua, relationship expert.
This is the REDEMPTION episode.
- How do you build back after infidelity?
- What goes into selecting your mate?
- Why do most men struggle in relationship?
Just a few things we're going to cover in this episode and Season 3 of The High Value Man Conversation.
===> Join the weekly newsletter and get your free copy of 5 Steps to Becoming a High Value Man
this is the high value man conversation podcast, a show dedicated to the mission of building high value men, men that are courageous, committed and uncompromising in the pursuit of greatness. You run the day.
Speaker 2:Stop having a run you one day she's a big thing. I thought he's going to, not. Yeah, that's when the next step, you know, you know, you know, keep going when I'm going to win this far away from these dreams, as you think you are one great man means a great family, a great neighborhood, a better city, community state and the world.
Speaker 1:The question is, if not you, then who? Welcome back to the high value man conversation. This is a season 3 episode one and this is lovingly titled the redemption episode. Redemption episode. I had to look up what redemption meant. Redemption is buying back something lost. There's an exchange of something lost and I think about where this last year, in the last season, has really been a buyback of so many areas. But really, by the grace areas, buying back what is most valuable for me as a man I think a lot of men which is a life of fulfillment, having clarity on what fulfillment looks like. And so we're diving this on this episode, the season 3 episode one, in the high value man redemption episode, but also the high value man reboot, the company's getting a new skin, is getting another Another Batman has a say. Robin it's not really the brabant is. Batman was to Batman's coming together inside of this season and I'm going to introduce a very good friend of mine, mister Josh, last shoe up and we're going to dive into the conversation what it means to be a high value man and really the 4S.
Speaker 1:We talk about 4S inside the coaching program faith, fitness, family and finances. These are essential for core parts that a man needs to live a life of fulfillment and meaning, and you guys have been following the content for any amount of time. You know that fitness is an area that feel very confident in. When it comes to finances, I know how to make money, help others create money. When it comes to your faith, I'm very, very new and I walk with faith.
Speaker 1:I've been pretty open and honest about that, but I'd say it's also been the biggest shift in my life in the last couple years. But the domain of family has been an area that I've struggled with. To be perfectly honest, I'm a lone wolf in a lot of respects and actually I talked to weather for recently and he says you're not alone, both your apostle, but the domain of family. I don't have kids, not married, and it's an area that I've had some insecurity. And as we talk about building a well-rounded, fulfilled man, I want to be able to provide value in that space, and so I can either wait 1020 years to like master the domain of family or I can tether up with somebody that already has that area down, dialed in. It's their life work, it's their practice, it's what they do in regards to parenting, fathering and coaching, and that's where Josh and I are intersecting in this season is to bring you a whole nother dimension of this coaching process, where the family component becomes first and center, not about faith, but as an integral part of it.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I love that. Listen, I'm beyond excited to be here with you, aaron, to be here with you. You're not a cultivator had the ability to cultivate a really in-depth, intimate relationship. Over the past several years, I've grown to not only like you and desire to be around you, but even more so to love you, and that's not really an experience I've gotten to have with too many men in my life, and so gratitude is a simple way to put it, but just truly grateful to be linked up with you in the different rooms, in the different speak spheres that we've been able to operate in, in, in together, and so incredibly excited about that.
Speaker 2:I love what we're doing with this faith, family, fitness and finance because truly, guys, it does impact every area of your life. If you take conflict circumstances, situations, difficulties in life and you're to dust them off and really get down to the roots of them, they're all rooted in one of those areas and, as men, these are areas that we have to figure out, not just how to understand and how to create consistency and really how to master them, if we want to live a life that's not just fulfilling, which is necessary for a purpose, but, even more so, live a life that others are willing and wanting to follow, specifically starting with our wives and spouses and partners, and then our children and, with the hopes even more so, our grandchildren and grandchildren's grandchildren.
Speaker 1:If you want to think that far down the road, which legacy we'll talk on, but grateful to be in the room with you, to be tethered to you, to be part of this family, this core, this men's tribe that is HVMC, and my wife and I, dr Britt, will refer to her as let's back up, let's bring the listeners into this room, because I jumped right in and I know you, I've got your background and I know you're going to dive into everything that you and Britt do, but give the guys like a straight 10,000 foot view who Josh Laschua is and why they should be listening to you inside of a Domena family.
Speaker 2:That's easy. So the overview of me, josh Laschua. I have operated in construction for quite a bit, which means I've been in and around men and people operating the structures of what that takes to be successful, but more so I've been. I've had the opportunity to coach men one-on-one since 2017. That started doing that professionally in 2019. I've had such an amazing time, not because of what I get out of it, but really getting to share what God has done in and through my life. And then also my wife and I have a brand called Same Team Forever. We do specific two couples and marriage events as well as coaching. We've done that now for years and been grateful to do that all around Texas, and so what I get to bring to this table, to our group, really is my life's purpose. I'll do a lot of things in life and I'll always be successful in life, but really what I get to bring is my wife and I are gross about each other and I use that word Lovingly, lovingly, yeah and I desire to be gross about my wife 50 years from now.
Speaker 2:We've been together 10 years. It's been a difficult yet rewarding decade together. We've encountered a lot of the circumstances that couples will encounter and we'll get into those quite a bit deeper today and in the future. But we also have overcome all of them, even up to this point. So I'm really grateful to know that I have peace in my family, that my wife is my best friend, that I'm not led by my wife but she is truly an intricate part in who I am and what I do.
Speaker 2:I've got a beautiful daughter who's five years old. I've got a son on the way. Praise the Lord, we actually were at our midwife appointment yesterday and my son is four weeks ahead of his growth development. So you guys, pray for my wife. I was almost 11 pounds when I was born. I'm now a solid 250. So this is our first son and so just pray for her that he doesn't jack her up because I've got bedrooms to fill. Amen to that Amen.
Speaker 2:But the general overview of what I get to bring is the relationship piece. The finance piece as well, which we'll hit on is in faith and are certainly intricate parts that I bring to the table. But really, relationship has been my life's desire since three years before I met my wife, I really chose to dive into who I was personally. I had a template from my parents, which was a good template, but I didn't want to replicate what they had. I wanted something so much more and so much more meaningful, and so I went on my own journey, met my wife. We built what we built with same team, which later became same team literally for us, so that we could have the relationship on our dreams. We've been living that now for a decade, and so getting to bring that and tether it to what already is the foundation of HVMC can only give you not just the tools you need but the roadmap to get from wherever you are to where you want to be, and that's a purposeful life.
Speaker 1:Love man. Beautiful, beautiful introduction. And how Josh and I intersected is also a beautiful part of this story. So I've actually hired Josh and his wife Brittany at different seasons of my life and relationships to coach me personally and to coach me in my relationship, to coach me through my own emotional blocks, around intimacy and closeness, conflict resolution, better communication. So all those details inside of coaching that I've invested heavily and have seen great results are now going to be integrated into the curriculum and ecosystem of HVM.
Speaker 1:Because at the end of the day, we know this that one man doesn't have a complete picture other than Jesus. No man does, no man on earth does. So if you're going to bring together a multitude of counselors, you're able to pull in the insight, understanding, experience from so many people. So you're not just getting me from a coaching capacity anymore, you're getting also Josh's wisdom and the wisdom that he brings and all the experience that we get to bring together. And now the conversation the HVMC conversation is an actual dialogue and conversation. Two men they're in the battlefield of life, leading other men in person, online, through experience, their relationship, finances, faith, fitness all of it to bring a whole another side to the dynamic.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that. And we get to. You get to see a picture of what true intimacy can look like between two men. I'm an incredibly masculine man and anyone around me knows that for sure, and Aaron is unquestionably that as well. So you get to see two really manly men who love the Lord, truly live out in front of you. What relationship can be with men when you take it seriously, when you lean into these templates that we're going to give, and we can show a picture of what tribe can look like, what not just friendship can look like, but what intimacy can look like between men. It's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1:Amen, that's such a good thing, and I want to just I want to pull on that core just a little bit. Men need modeling in every domain of life faith, fitness, family, finances. The lone wolf dies first, and so if you are suffering, struggling, you're in isolation alone. I'm calling you forward to let you know the reason that you're there is because you haven't found a good model of masculinity inside your life, and so we need these models. We need the man above us, we need the men beside us and we need the men that we're eventually going to mentor into. Without modeling, we end up suffering in our masculine journey. We end up suffering, struggling and really just causing more problems and create more of the pain that our fathers passed down or didn't teach us. And so the modeling that Josh are going to do for you here is going to be the model that you get to take forward into your life in any area.
Speaker 1:So excited about that, man, tell me. And I want to dive a little bit into your story, because our stories matter, and our stories are really what brought us together, and I believe that when you unlock the reason behind your pain and your struggle, that turns into your passion, and your passion really becomes the purpose for your life, that golden thread. But why are you so excited and on fire for relationship? Always had a great template for marriage and relationship. Did you grow up in a household with traditional? It was a atomic household, that's like. Where it's a traditional household, where, like, everyone is just happy to go, lucky, it's immediate. Leave it to be a verse like tell me about your backstory.
Speaker 2:One would only wish, one would only wish, but you are still married and, I would say, going to be married to the end of their life. So I'm grateful for that. That's not something I had to work through, although, as a young adult or young child and young adult growing up in the Catholic church which is how it was raised I'll certainly expose the structure and how things can be done in that realm. And this is nothing against Catholicism. I think Catholicism does reverence really, really well. What it didn't get from me is a picture of what intimacy with the Lord can look like. And so, as far as the house that I grew up in, I would say I would say, generally speaking, this is not me covering for my parents, but, generally speaking, a loving household, although we did not have conflict, we didn't have dialogue. I grew up in a house where everything was swept under the rug. We talked about the cowboys, we watched Seinfeld and Fox News and outside of that, that was really the structure of how conversations went. So intimacy isn't something that was given to me, modeled to me. I've discovered that along the way, in my own path and being married to my wife and having some of the other couples around me in my last 10 years that I have.
Speaker 2:But I grew up in a house where, where I was, I was as the firstborn, because I am the eldest Really paved the pathway for myself. I again, I'm considered, I consider myself a very masculine individual. That was it different as a youth, and so I have a very strong mother. She's always been that way. My father is loving, although he's not the dominant voice or the dominant Individual in my, in my parents relationship. And so having to navigate that from a young age of where do I fit in? Is this something that I model? Is this how a man is supposed to be? No discount or to my father, because of his personalities and what he's exposed to our parents honestly and, I believe, truly do the best with what they know. How sure, and my parents have done that for decades.
Speaker 2:Where I had to discover myself is I didn't fit into that mold. So my mother and I clashed heads my entire youth Because I always wanted to know why I wouldn't. I wasn't just a do, as I say, because I said it type of individual. I always wanted to know why and if we were doing something, if I committed to something or was going to do anything, I needed to have a purpose behind it. That's just the way that I've been wired. I can't really give credit to anyone on that. That's just my, my, my, my, inter, inter wiring of myself. So all of this was clashing in me in my youth and growing up into my teen years and I really had to take time to discover myself, and typically that was through my own conflict and my own circumstances of being a teen and becoming an early teen.
Speaker 2:But where this really led me as far as being passionate about relationship is, it started with my my own testimony. I spent I'll just say this I grew up in a small town called Waco in the middle of Texas and by my late teens I was doing some multi operations and restaurants and I was making six figures in the early 2000s. That was a big deal in Waco. It's not now, but it's a big deal in Waco and so I really had the freedom financially to do a lot of things at almost anything that I wanted to do within certain realms and Guys. That led me down a quick path to destruction, and by a quick path I spent almost a decade in it. I went through women like they were water and searched for my own purpose, for the feeling that I had in the moment when a woman would say, yes, I'll give myself to you, and I saw it. I saw it feeling in purpose at the bottom of bottles Did that for a decade and also in pills, and so I experienced quite a bit up front what addiction can look like, what difficulties can look like and what, literally, I was the model in my own mind of what failed Relationships look like, because I literally had hundreds, yeah, to say the least, and with that, also a failed engagement, and what that led me to is. It led me to a moment. I'll never forget it, may 31st 2011, when, when I believe, god had a divided intervention for me.
Speaker 2:I guess I had many toys. One of those happened to be a, a sport bike, a CBR 1000 RR, and Part of my routine, my rituals that I would go out at 10 11 o'clock at night. I'd hit unhealthy speeds on the highway from my adrenaline rush, because it's something that was just part of my mask and I would tap into before I would go up, go out, and I would go to the bar six times a week, yeah, and then I would probably crash somewhere between the bar Someone's house I'm own home between three or four am, and that was just how I rolled. Yeah, so ten years of just pure emptiness. But on May 31st 2011, I remember driving down I 35 on my bike, doing round 160 165, because that was almost top on the big dude. It was almost top speed for my bike and in a moment's notice it was probably a fraction of second.
Speaker 2:My entire life flashed through my brain Vividly like a movie. I had seen every relationship that I've been a part of, from my parents to romantic relationships, to my friendships, people I'd grown up with, and literally every single one I had brought it to its demise by ways that I'd acted sure and not shown up. And so, in a moment, I come to a screeching halt. Around midnight of May 31st 2011, I dropped my bike, I threw my helmet, I fell to my knees and I cried out the name Jesus which is odd for me, aaron because I didn't have a relationship with Jesus. I'd grown up in the church, but I didn't have a reason to turn to God, especially in that season. I really hadn't been to church in years, even though it was raised up in it. So I turned to God in that moment, and in that moment, for the next two years, I asked God to intervene. I cried like like a, like a three-year-old would on the side of the highway and Offered my life to him and said I will change, I will sever whatever needs to be severed. I will change whatever needs to be changed, but I do not want to live this way anymore, because I knew I was dead inside, but I also knew there was a physical death that was hunting me down if I didn't change my way, it's sure. So, over the next two years, I went on a real self-discovery With that. Yours is, this was, this was so. May 31st 2011 is when this happened. You come to Jesus moment. Come to him, to Jesus.
Speaker 2:So, june 1st 2011, I literally went in and severed every relationship I had outside of my parents, every relationship I had outside of one friendship that grew up across the street. For me, it was a one guy okay, and I quit going to the bars. I actually quit the two jobs that I had. Within two weeks, I got three more. Okay. Put myself back in college To get myself in on some sort of new template, new journey, new role, and one of those on I'll I'll always be grateful for because it's impacted my life even now is I took a job with coke, actually, which I would have said is way beneath me in that season of my life because I was doing pretty well, but I went. I went to stocking shelves Thursday night, friday night, saturday night I'm sorry Thursday, friday, saturday and Sunday mornings from 4 am To To noon, and I did that specifically so I couldn't go party yeah, it's good and be boozed up. So that was a big, intricate piece there and spending time in those jobs away from my group.
Speaker 2:I moved back home with my parents, which someone in their in their mid-20s the last thing you want to do yeah.
Speaker 2:But I realized I needed massive change. So I'm sleeping on the floor in my parents house in my mid-20s, making littlely, little of nothing, and I'm going back to college as an old guy, yeah, at that point. And so I spent the next two years really discovering who I was, and I had little and no relationships at all in my life at that point, outside of this one friend who I'd grown up with, and Over the course of that time, I discovered what attachment really is. Before, before attachment really became a thing, I discovered what authenticity was because I'd never lived an authentic life. I'd always been who I thought I needed to be in a given room for the sake of a sec acceptance, sure. And so I spent two years on that journey, realizing what I didn't want and attempting to mold what I did want out of that. And at the end of that two years Is when I met my wife Actually met her on a social media platform which has a belly-to-belly guy. I couldn't stand online stuff, aaron.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this. This was probably during the heyday, though, of Tinder and the dating apps like this, so this was, if you, want, if you want to mention, if you want to mention the platform, it was Tinder.
Speaker 2:Okay, tender was a what do you call it? A beta program? Sure, so it was. It was brand new, was very rare. I don't think it was available to everyone. It had a geo fence of 50 miles at that point, yes, which I didn't know about. My wife at that point lived in Addison. I was in Waco, which is about 125 miles apart. We never should have been on each other's Radar. As far as the apps concerned, and the app was actually put on my phone by a friend, by a friend of a girl I worked with and went to school with. We were studying one night for a final and she took my phone, unbeknownst to me, put the app on there, made a profile for me so that she could see which of her girls were out scoping and hoping for dudes. Had no idea.
Speaker 2:A month and a half later, I'm getting gas in my car and found, found. What is this on the back page of my iPhone my backman iPhones are in New Beal, so I click on it just wondering what it is, and this face pops up. And Aaron, she's so fun, it's Brittany. And this, this, this Kentucky Derby type hat I'll never forget. It's my favorite photo of her and I had to figure out how that thing worked. I figured out how it worked. Sorry to conversation with her, met her, we talked for 48 hours. Brits, a practicing counselor. At this point she had given up on relationships herself but she knew lots of the questions to ask and dialogue to have as we walked through that journey together. So in the first 48 hours she fit to a T, my entire list I'd written between my non-negotiables and a future partner and spouse and my negotiables.
Speaker 1:It'd be nice if she had sure thing and when I was able to walk exercise to do if you're in a season of singleness, by the way, define and refine what it is you want before you step into the relationship.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I had taken that list and I'd probably taken a week to put it together really taking a week to put it together and in the conversations with Brittany during that time she checked off every single item in in my non-negotiables and my list B which is would be nice if she had. And I knew because she lived in Addison and I lived in Waco. I knew that if, if I wasn't being catfished which was a thing back then, it was a show called catfish Sure, if, if I wasn't being catfished, then this woman is the woman I was going to marry. So I drove up, I got myself a hotel, so I'm going to meet you. And she said, great, you can come over, I'm going to make dinner. She lived with two other girls there that she'd she'd worked with and gone to school with, so I'm going to come over, I want to meet you. And so I drove up, knocked on the door. She opened the door and said hi, praise God, it was a. It was a girl from the photo. But she opened the door, said hi, and I stepped through the threshold and kissed her and at that point for me it was done.
Speaker 2:I just knew we were engaged five months after that and married four months after that. So nine months after we first met, we were walking down the aisle, been together 10 years, and just a part of what life can look like. When you take what you've done, you come to a realization that it has to be severed. You choose a new way, find templates that work. That how funny it is that life brings you exactly what you're looking for when you're willing to put in the work, and so that's that's. That's redemption.
Speaker 1:Amen, I've got a Tinder story as well. It's not. It doesn't have the the beautiful happy ending that yours did. But what I love about that story, man and this is the reason why you and I are doing life together, especially in this season of the HVMC reboot is that you are definitive inside of your relationship. You've been super clear, You've practiced, you've done the work and there's a beautiful dynamic between Josh and Brittany because of who she is, what she brings to table, the pedigree that she comes from, the template she comes from, with her parents, that family, that household, their, their relationship, dynamic of who Josh was beforehand, this man that really needed redemption from, not only like his own salvation, but just in the way of great relationship.
Speaker 1:Because we can repeat the same pattern over and over and this is a problem that we see in coaching, inside of working with men that I've seen in my own life, is that the patterns you will repeat, the patterns of pain and problems and challenges and conflict, until you solve self, until you really solve the self, the part of yourself that needs to be healed the most. And the beautiful thing about Brittany and Josh, as you guys will get to know them, is that their focus is is relationship. It really is at the center point of everything they do.
Speaker 2:It's absolutely true and the reason that is is once, once we got together and we decided this is what we want to do, is to be together, the rest of our lives is we. We went through essentially marriage counseling because Brittany was a practicing one at that point essentially marriage counseling from day three until we got married. We covered literally every, every potential conflict conversation that we, that a couple, might have. We covered very quickly, from the way that we wanted to parent, how we were going to do our finances, how romance would look like in our relationship, what pursuit would look like in our room in our relationship, where we wanted to live, where we wanted to go to I mean all these different areas that could become conflict how we communicate, how we, how we do everything in life. We walked through and came into agreement on before we were married and it really eclipsed us, aaron, from having those conflicts, which still happened, but rather than having a conflict, that's a level nine, after well, or after you're married and you're like, I didn't know this about my person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or I, or I didn't want to talk about it, or I didn't want to cover that with her because it felt uncomfortable that at some point, when it happens because we all generally have the same bridges to cross in life Because we talked about it initially, that conflict was around a one or a two versus being like a nine or a 10 knockdown, drag out. Yeah, yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1:That's good. So many guys reach out to a couple ship like Brittney and Josh after the problems have already started. Yes, so when you think about this, most men are we're problem solving creatures and so we're like I'm only going to seek a solution when the problem is in my face. I think about just from the standpoint of car maintenance. Right, like regular routine maintenance. Okay, I'm going to push off as long as possible until there's a blinking light on my dashboard or I get a flat time inside the road. That's how most men operate in their four domains Faith, fitness, family finances. I'm not going to put the fire out until something is actually on fire. You do that long enough. In your relationship with your person. You create irreparable damage that you can't really come back from unless you have some different tools?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. To me, that's the difference between healthcare and sick care. Most people, when they think of healthcare the thing about going to see the doctor they think about going and having something major done in order to say healthy. Really, that's sick care. You're only addressing it after you're sick. True healthcare starts way before there's ever an issue, right? So again, this is what coaching and HVM really is about. This is what our couple's journey has really been about is, if we're willing to get in and get true healthcare on ourselves first and then as couples, then you can negate or even eclipse what becomes sick care later down the road, because it's not that it won't happen, it's just when.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think for the other side too, where I'm in a season of singleness is that solving your ish before getting into the dynamic of a relationship and diving deep into really how you choose a partner, what your priorities are, what core values look like, what the family vision needs to be, and really identifying that as a high-value man before getting into the tether of a relationship, is something most people don't talk about. They don't talk about it. They talk about the fact that they're like okay, once I'm in it, then I will be that person I'm supposed to be. But the truth is, if you don't do the work beforehand, all of that ish shows up. It does. It shows up in the relationship explosively, because relationships are designed to mirror to us that our defects, our problems, our issues, the parts of ourselves that are unhealed. That's the beautiful thing, but it's also probably the biggest trouble that most guys are dealing with.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure that played out in my life in a very significant way. I'm a logical thinker but I'm also a visual, so I love the equation of x plus y equals z. Just in general in life, most everything falls into that when I think about relationship. X represents the chromosomes xx, y represents the chromosomes xy. So I own the y in my x y z household and so my wife is a very healthy, very healthy, very intelligent, brilliant present x representation. She comes from great stock. Her parents are lovingly married after 40 years, so she's a very healthy. X in that equation On the y side is I brought in all of my ish and even though it was madly in love with this girl, madly in love, crazy about her she's the one I chose.
Speaker 2:Her took me two days to figure that out that I still brought in my own stuff into our marriage and it surfaced a few years in. So if x plus y equals z, regardless of how healthy x is, if y isn't healthy it'll play out in the z. And so because of the residue and the man that I was leading up to my redemption I still had residue. I had thinking I had default ways of life, and so about three years into our marriage I had an affair. I had nothing to do with my wife that she was lacking in any area. It was really the gap in myself that I was still seeking significance outside of our marriage. And the devil works in ways because he knows our flavor and he happened to usher in or usher me into a room where my flavor was present, and this was when Brittany was getting her doctorate. So, as you can imagine, we're getting your doctorate. You're putting in between 80 to 110 hours a week to get this done.
Speaker 2:It was a five year. Five year journey that that my wife intended to get done in three. She's a producer, it's how she moves, and so she actually offered to me in that season. She said this is a very significant part of her life, but if I'm not at the end of the stage to greet her when she walks across and gets her doctorate, then even that journey wouldn't be worth it. And she said the hours that I'm putting in, is it okay with you? Are we good? Or I am more than willing to back it down so I can be more present with you because our marriage is more important At this point.
Speaker 2:I was growing several franchises in the Houston area, so I had my own things that I was diving into. But I allowed myself because I thought well, aaron, as soon as she graduates, I'll get my wife, so can I just get there as soon as possible? And I denied it. I said, no, honey, we're great knowing there was a void in me. And so she went about her education as she had been, to try to finish it as quickly as she could, and what that did is that that gave me an opportunity to be authentic, which I didn't take. And so when that flavor was it conscious, though.
Speaker 2:Yes, it was conscious. Yes, I I was very aware of the amount of quality time we were not getting. Quality time is my number one love language. At the same time, I wrote that off saying if I can just get there, then we'll be just sacrifice self, the needs of what, what I want, what I need to Support her, sir, not asking too much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which which set me up, and so I ended up getting it, getting into a work relationship with a woman and I I chose to go and be around this work group, which was all singles, which all drank, and so I started doing that myself to fit into that group. Sure, and what that is, that led me into a place where I chose, I chose to be with another woman, and so what that did for me is, honestly, it exposed so much inside myself because if you would have asked me in that moment what I thought of myself, it'd be pretty high, sure yourself, confident, individual. Yet there was such a void in me that I saw it in that that I completely ignored all the red lights for myself, and it dropped a grenade, not just in my marriage but in our family, and Fast forward a little bit past that difficult moment, the day I was found out One. I've never felt more relieved in my life. Mm-hmm, which is really strange. There's so much weight in carrying something like that, whether it's addiction, a certain type of abuse or even an affair is that I'd never felt more relieved in my life because I didn't have to hide this person anymore, and by the person it was me. Sure, I remember getting called by my wife's Father and got Uncle Buck and he said you need to get over to my house right now and I immediately knew what was up. I immediately knew yeah.
Speaker 2:So I met with Scott and Arlene who's Britney's what? Britney's mom first, and we had quite the conversation, as you can imagine. I had hurt them. They were, they were, they were shattered. They didn't see it coming. And then also Scott being the leader that he said he is. So we're gonna have a family meeting tonight, and what that included was Brittany and I, scott and Arlene, and then Brittany's brother Garrett, who is maybe seeable baby seal and his wife, and we actually that evening sat down at a round table in the kitchen and talked about One. I got to hear from each individual how much pain I brought into the real, into our relationship, what that meant, where they stood. I had taken any bit of part of part of trust that I had built and Trust is earned and droplets lost in buckets and I poured mine out, and so Scott actually said to me that that, because of our beliefs in what marriage is in the Bible is that the family would back whatever Brittany's decision would be, and so Brittany had the opportunity.
Speaker 1:Let's pause there for just a second here the current listeners for HMC and, as we've followed my story, this is a template in action that is worth modeling. First and foremost and I've coached hundreds of men that have had affairs, that are walking through affairs or walking into the season, and it's typically a dynamic where avoidance is the primary tool I want to avoid dealing with the hard stuff. I don't actually want to process the hurt that I've done. I want to justify it and it's rare that the parents are actually intercede to provide great leadership. So when I talk about the pedigree that you married into with Brittany and her family, the Uncle Box, which you'll definitely hear us reference over time, they come from a really, really good stock.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, scott and Darlene are a template for marriage and relationship 40 years strong. That has been intentionally lived after. So they're two children Brittany, lashua, doctor, counseling therapy, very business owner, professor, feminine, powerful woman, and then their sons, garrett, uncle Box, us Navy Seal, also the leader of the Mighty Men movement, which is a primary reason I moved to Texas. And so when you think about these two, what they're representing, the fruits in their life, it comes from their parents. How beautiful that their parents had enough wisdom and foresight and a biblical template to say you know what? This is? Something that can be repaired. God can do all things, and we're going to sit down as a family and decide, because you guys are marrying in, and so I just think that's such a cool thing.
Speaker 2:It's a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing for me now. And so Brittany decided in that moment I'm going to choose my husband. I'm going to choose my husband. And, as difficult as that is, we said we're going to walk through and do whatever it takes to not only repair what I've done, but to build a relationship that far exceeds even our dreams. When we got married, that was our, that was our commitment, and as a family, I got to hear again from everyone at the table of we're going to back Brittany. Now you're starting. You're starting over, with each of us individually, sure, but we are choosing to stay together as a family and help to put a tailwind into what you guys are doing. So cool, it is very, very, very blessed to have that opportunity.
Speaker 2:Now I also, as you talked about as a man, had the opportunity to run to flee, and don't think that didn't cross my mind. It'd be so much easier if I just walked away. You know I still had this relationship at that point on that day. I could have you know, whatever, but choosing to say no, I'm going to do whatever it takes, as difficult it is, to face what I've created, because I know what's possible. Yeah, and so I actually got to see the face of what the Holy Spirit looks like. I got to see the face of Jesus in Darlene, in Scott, in Garrett, in Lindsay and in Brittany, as I was chosen in literally my worst moment of my life Wow yeah.
Speaker 1:But that's that's powerful right there. That's what men need for redemption. So you think about what redemption is buying back the grace that you lost because of a bad decision, right, and so so many relationships stay in that state of hurts. Like you wronged me, I'm going to wrong you back. I'm going to build on this resentment, frustration, irritation, anger, and it gets passed on generation, past generation and we wonder why we're such a world. It's all messed up.
Speaker 1:But this is like when you first shared the story with me, when we're first talking about coming together in this business, I was I was blown away because I've looked to your marriage and your relationship as like one that's on a pedestal. You know some capacity. I know that we should never put anybody on a pedestal. We all are flawed and broken by ourselves, but I love that background because it's when your pain meets your passion that purpose is truly desired. And then your purpose as a couple, as a family and having that same team movement has so much more weight, so much more authority, so much more credibility because of the darkness you walk through.
Speaker 2:Absolutely does. It certainly does, and so I can, I can not. We fast forward through and we'll get into more depth about what that journey looked like, what we did to create what we have now. But in retrospect Brittany and I've had this conversation dozens of times is that is I would not wish that on anybody. Yeah, Going through that as a couple, going through as a family. Yet in retrospect, we would not have what we have now in our marriage had we not walked through that, and it wasn't, it was. It was primarily because of the changes that happened in me. Yeah, completely Remember. I'm the Y in this equation. Yeah, and so the evolution of positive for a second.
Speaker 1:So this and we just finished a book in our men's group, masculine and relationship phenomenal phenomenal book highly suggested. But one of the core elements of that book that's the general thread, repeats it several times is your relationship with your woman will never change until you change, until there's a fundamental change in who you are as a man. And so this entire conversation we're having the high value man conversation faith, fitness, family, finances. You want to inspire, lead, be a greater impactful person in those domains with women, work and the world. You have to fundamentally change. Your old ways have to die off and when you change the trajectory for the relationship, your family, your kids, your grandkids, your business, all that changes. But it begins with you, it begins with the men.
Speaker 2:That's absolutely true. I love that. We've been in a relationship for several years. We've been in intimate relationship, coaching relationship and friend relationship.
Speaker 2:And for all the guys that are out there that have experienced something like this and whether it's a fair or not, I love that you had the aha moment just a few weeks ago of you can go through something like this and not just have hope for redemption but have the ability to have the marriage and the relationship of your dreams, aaron.
Speaker 2:So I'll say it this way you can go through fire and not come out smelling like smoke. For the people in my sphere that are hearing this for the first time, I know they're going to be shocked. For the folks that have known us for I don't know eight years or so or less, is they're going to hear this and go? There's no way. Because they know and they see the relation that we have. Not only is it loving, we are nuts about each other. We are so connected. We are so about one another. It's a beautiful thing, even our children, the way that we raise our children. You never would expect it. So again, just because you've experienced something, just because there's residue there from a failure, a catastrophic failure doesn't mean it can't be not just repaired but completely redeemed, and you can't live in a dream type relationship.
Speaker 1:Yes, and that's ultimately what we're searching for. That's what we're seeking for, that's what we hope to model through these conversations, through the intimacy that we're going to develop over this season. But is that life of fulfillment, fulfillment and meaning, where you take the worst thing that ever happens to you and it becomes that misery, becomes the ministry for your life, because it's from your pain, your upbringing, the bad choices made, that decade lost in debauchery. I've had the very similar one. My 20s were just a waste, but I'm thankful for it. I'm thankful for it, and it's because of that time spent off purpose that I'm able to be so much more definitive as to what a win looks like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so true and so true. So that's a big piece of the relationship and why it's been so much of an intricate part in my own life and why it'll always be a priority, and how I live and do life and why I'm so disciplined and the things that I'm disciplined in is I've lived on that side of the fence. I will never go back and because of what I now have, I protect it like it's my garden. I love that. That's beautiful man.
Speaker 1:So we're going to wrap down this episode one of season three, this redemption episode, because I want to keep you guys interested, curious, excited and inspired with what we got coming up for this season. But Josh and I are going to wrap on these topics all day long. Purpose of today's episode high level is to welcome you back to the show, first and foremost, and to expose the area that I most need to tether with a really strong man to raise my hand saying you know, I need help in the domain of family, I'm grateful for it, I'm excited for it and I've got a great model for it. And to introduce you guys to the conversation that we're going to be diving deeper into our four Fs faith, fitness, family and finances from a completely new angle. First and foremost, putting that family first, because that is the direction where we're going to actually be able to impact future generations.
Speaker 1:We're not going to have a greater impact on anybody more than your kids. Your kids and your relationship, your wife, your partner, the person you do life with, should have a great amount of respect, adoration, love for you, like as a high value man. That's the person that knows you the most, and if she doesn't, that becomes an area that we get to work on, kids, next in line they're going to see all of the flaws. I spent a weekend with a coaching client and what I left with is that the best lessons in life are caught, not taught, and so the do as I say, not as I do like, doesn't work inside of parenting. You got to be the example, the high value man in every single capacity, a man of integrity that truly leads with his fitness, leads in his finances, leads with his face and leads in his family. And the kids see that they do, and if they don't see the right image of model consistently, over time they end up picking up the bad behaviors. So that's what we've seen both of our lives growing up.
Speaker 2:Anything you want to close with no. I just want to say I'm truly excited to be in the room with what we have to bring in each of these pillars to you, men, is going to be incredibly exciting. This is just a taste of what is in store, and so I'm grateful to have you on. I'm looking forward to future conversations, future dialogues, as we continue to expose not just parts of ourselves, but the models that we've created in our lives, that we've really taken the time to usher into, what has made our lives so significant, and I know that the way that we live has impacted hundreds, if not thousands, of individuals and families, and so we're here to gift that to you in and through dialogue, and so I look forward to that.
Speaker 1:Boom, much love, many blessings. Get back to the fucking mental lab.