Join Erin Alejandrino and Josh Lashua as we uncover the key rules of being a High Value Man. This episode dives deep into respect's role in personal growth, the essence of masculine maturity, and the power of meritocracy. We explore commanding respect, building brotherhood, and striving for excellence.
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Join Erin Alejandrino and Josh Lashua as we uncover the key rules of being a High Value Man. This episode dives deep into respect's role in personal growth, the essence of masculine maturity, and the power of meritocracy. We explore commanding respect, building brotherhood, and striving for excellence.
===> Join the weekly newsletter and get your free copy of 5 Steps to Becoming a High Value Man
this is the high value man conversation podcast, a show dedicated to the mission of building high value men, men that are courageous, committed and uncompromising in the pursuit of greatness. You run the day.
Speaker 2:Stop having a run you one day she's a big thing. I thought he's going to, not. Yeah, that's when the next step, you know, you know you go when I'm going to win this far away from these dreams, as you think one great man means a great family, a great neighborhood, a better city, community state and the world.
Speaker 1:The question is if not you, then who? Welcome back to the high value man conversation. This is season 3, episode 2. I'm in house with Mister Josh last, sure, and I'm your co-host, aaron Elangrio. Yeah, so be here.
Speaker 1:We are excited to be here, we're talking about the 3, 3, 3, 3 rules of man, 3 foundational principles, rules, tenants, pillars of masculinity. We're going to dive deep in this episode on the 3 things you need to do and the one thing that you have to have your life if you expect to evolve and really become the man of value inside of your 4 domains faith, fitness, family, finances other things are always going to talk about in order for you to become the best version of yourself as a high value man, you need this one thing as a whole if you're going to just drop a little Bucket of wisdom on us, josh, would you say.
Speaker 2:man's number one need is not man's number one need and we can all agree on this, aaron is our need to be respected, a need for respect as a man. It's one of those things it's. It's part of every intricate part in our thought process every day. Everything that we do in general is all balanced on the idea, the need that we have to have respect in our life, respect our relationships, respect in the marketplace, respect about ourselves and how we see ourselves in the mirror, and then respect in the, in the communities that we run, in your tribe, or or the, the, the circles that you run in. It's a need to feel relevant, but not just relevant. Respected means you have a value to bring in.
Speaker 2:People know it yet to get to a point where our voice is something that's desired, our presence is. This presence is something that's needed. When we walk in the room, everyone's consigned go but sit back to a man Aaron's here. That's respect versus versus walking the room, going off shit, aaron's here kind of thing. So a need to be respected in and through our lives. It bleeds in every area. I love that.
Speaker 1:So man's number one need is respect. That's the first thing we're going to touch on is respect how to get it, how to earn it, how to build it with your women, with your work and with the world of men. Respect is foundational to your master on the journey. Number two we're in touch on this, and this is such a key thing is, first and foremost, maturity and masculinity don't just happen by accident. Age does not mean your man. Just because you got a beard, tattoos and some muscles does not mean your man. Only one thing defines your masculine process, and that's the respect of the tribe of men. Yeah, that's the third thing we're going to touch on. Is that maturity? I'm sorry. The third thing we're going to touch on is fact that you got to be part of. Try like first and foremost, you have to have men around you that hold you to higher standard, expect more from you. Iron sharpens iron. You got to be in the rules with great men to become a great man yourself.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. You can look, we can look around the world, aaron, and men that are truly respected aren't living on their own. There's nobody that does life on an island. Fortunately and unfortunately, this life is not lived out inside of a vacuum. So in order to be respected, we have to bring value and be part of something significant Trivus where we hit on with that. But if you're not part of a tribe, if you're not part of something significant, there's no way you can be respected, because there's nobody that you can impact. Yes, so really we're hitting on today is the need that you have is to be respected, which means you need to be part of a tribe and to understand how to do that and do that well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because the tribe has rules, and we're going to cover three rules of the tribe so you can gain greater respect, you can mature in your masculine journey and, more so than anything, you can contribute, become a high value member of society. I love it. I love it. Let's let's riff on respect for just a second. This is the first thing we want to touch on. It's man's number one need, and when I think about respect, it comes down to first respecting self. Just like you have to respect yourself, you have to lead yourself. So it all begins with you. Josh, talk to me a little bit about a way that a man can build self-respect. First and foremost, because if you don't respect yourself, no one's going to respect you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely for sure.
Speaker 2:And so a great way to think about this is think about Aaron somebody in your life, whether it's a mother, father, a child of yours, maybe a grandparent, someone who's significant in your world, that you're really close to, and if you have the knowledge, the understanding or the tools that they need for something significant in your life.
Speaker 2:So, if you take a parent and if you understand that maybe they're in a season of being ill or being sick and you know what it takes to help get them well, what are you going to do to make that happen in their life? You would take it very seriously. You would inform them about it. You may even set up doctor's appointments, you may even drive them there and be with them in the midst of that, and really what that is is you are taking the life of somebody else so incredibly serious because of what it means to you. So, as a man, imagine looking in the mirror and taking yourself seriously, maybe for the first time in your life. There's so many areas of our life that we don't take seriously that we live, can live, fragrant, fragrant.
Speaker 2:Unconsciously, unconscious without intention and really what we're doing is we're creating indifference in those areas of our life. So for a man to be respected, we have to first take ourselves so seriously that we're willing to face them in the mirror. We're really to face it, to feel what we need to feel and bring action to those areas and over time we can create consistency and it's a consistency piece that others are now allowed to see that we are living honorably and choose to respect us. Yeah, and I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 1:I think about the starting point, for self-respect begins in fitness.
Speaker 1:If you don't take your physical fitness, your physicality, seriously, nobody is going to treat you at the same level of respect as a fit man.
Speaker 1:That's just the truth, because we are judgmental by nature, we are critical by nature, we look at somebody based on how they show up and walk into a room, and so if you're not taking care of the meat suit that God has given you, a, you become a liability and not an asset, because if you are 500 pounds and we have to go into battle or the zombie apocalypse happens, all I gotta do is outrun you and you're not really going to be contributing to the tribe of men. And the tribal rules, which we'll talk about here in just a minute, are essential to you elevating inside of your masculine journey, and so, first and foremost, you gotta respect what God has given you Like look at what's in your hand, take care of your body, prioritize the standard parts of physical fitness, which is, build your strength, be enduring, master what goes into your mouth, don't eat like an asshole and start taking care of your body, because your physicality is your philosophy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is no knock on civil servants, but all of us have been in scenarios or situations or rooms where we've all noticed that there was a police officer that was way, way larger than they needed to be. And again, this is not a shot at police officers, it's something that I noticed. If you're ever in a place and you understand what a police is intended to represent, is security, safety, protection, yeah, and there's so many times I'll recognize a police officer and I know for a fact if anything goes down, I'm the one who's taking care of it. I ain't that guy's not going to do it. He's going to lose his breath after five steps, kind of thing, yeah.
Speaker 2:And so we can look at situations like that and look at yourself. Are you that guy, sure? Are you that guy in the relationships that you're in, that you have? Are you in that guy in the marketplace? Are you that guy in the business office that goes, he's got it together, he's wearing a suit, but I know when, when, when shit hits the fan, is he the guy that's going to take care of business? And you have to choose to not be that person. It's good.
Speaker 1:Self-respect bleeds into social respect when you begin respecting yourself and you take what God has given you seriously and you become the beacon in your faith, fitness, family, finances, truly looking in the mirror and saying you know what. There's gap between how I see myself and how I want other people to see me, and so I got to improve. But when you start doing that, it creates the social respect which really bleeds into the tribal rules which we'll get into Respect is is is not something you can demand, it's something that has to be given.
Speaker 1:Let's. Let's touch on that for just a second. So if respect is a man's number one need, he needs it with his woman, he needs it in work and he needs it inside of the world to feel significant, to feel like he's actually got his place and his mark and everything. What happens when a man doesn't have respect? Like how does, where does he operate from? What are some of the behaviors, habits that show up inside of a relationship, that shows up inside of work? I can think of, like school shootings as a one way of significance that men don't feel respected, don't have self-respect. They're trying to exert that power on the world so they can actually feel like a some level of significance and respect. But what are some examples you might know?
Speaker 2:A big one that you'll see is manipulation, as men will attempt to manipulate a scenario, manipulate a room, so they can try to feel respected, whether that's demanding it, whether that's whether that's manipulating something within a relationship, so that you know if, if I'm this tall, if I feel like I'm this tall, if I can make you feel you can feel this tall, then maybe I'll have something I'll have something to work with. Again, this is a this is a very incredibly unhealthy way of building it. It's not really respected at all. It's just manipulation. It's in the room. It's a self-serving, self-fulfilling type of moment and even if you happen to feel a bit of respect in in in that moment, it's gone, the moment that it's over. So it's just one of those that you have to realize.
Speaker 1:You've got to keep people up as, like a selfless servant, you're cutting people down because of your lack of self-respect Absolutely so respect. We're going to keep touching this. This will be a topic and a thread that we'll continuously talk on. It begins with you. You have to first take care of yourself, prioritize your physical needs. Physicality is the gateway to personal development. Self-respect begins with you respecting yourself. Before anyone else can respect you, you first have to respect yourself.
Speaker 1:Second piece I want to touch on is really the second element of the rules of men. First and foremost is that age does not mean maturity. Age does not mean masculinity, it does. You need to say that again. Age does not mean maturity and age does not mean masculinity.
Speaker 1:There are more grown boys that are acting as men, creating more problems in the world because they have not really leveled up inside of their own journey. They don't respect themselves, they don't respect other people, but they're destroying these massive mantras, these man-sized tantrums out in the world and in the workplace, and we see this everywhere. This is really what I believe toxic masculinity is when grown men don't take the responsibility, the ownership and the opportunity for what it means to be a man and they don't level up inside of the tribe of men, and so the number two and number three of this rules of men. They go together. The only thing that makes a man is the bestowing of masculinity from a tribe of men. So we think about this and we could talk, I know, in depth about initiation process, the role of a father to intercede in a young man's life, but there are so many unfinished boys in the world that have stepped into adulthood that haven't had that proper initiation into manhood.
Speaker 2:That's so true. And what that means also, erin, is regardless of your age. You could be listening to this and be 24 years old. You could be listening to this and be 65 years old. Your age doesn't discount you and your age does not make you respectable by any means. It's the fruit of our lives that really cultivate that for us. So, if you're young and you're listening to this, also realize you don't have to wait till you're 30, 40, 50 or 60 in order to get down the road, be respected, create something of significance and have followership. Age does not create followership. The same fluid scale If you're in your 40s, 50s, 60s or 70s and you're listening to this, just because you have age doesn't mean you have anything to give that's respectable.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying you don't, but your age isn't what opens that door to you. It really is the life that you're choosing to lead. It really is the part of you that brings value to the tribe that you're a part of, whether that's your family, whether that's people that are around you. So, again, age has very little or nothing, obviously very little to do with anything in a man's life that's respectable. Now, if you're living respectably, age can certainly be a catalyst catalyst in what you're able to do with that. But age is not the door opener.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that and I want to spend just a good amount of time on this chunk, this big idea here that if you are alone, isolated, you are the lone, both man operating side of the world. The gap that you feel in your life and the question that you more than likely have on your heart of whether or not you're doing it right and whether or not you're a man, because it wasn't answered by your father and most of my I'd say a big chunk of my listeners are typically raised without a strong father in household, like that's just who I've attracted over the years, since I'll speak directly to you and what I know is like the biggest question you have on your life is whether or not you're doing it right and whether or not you're a man. The only person that can answer that you may think that you can answer that by yourself. You can't.
Speaker 1:You can't answer that as a lone wolf. The only people that can answer that for you is the tribe of men. Yeah, that's how it's designed. We are tribal creatures. Masculinity is bestowed. I'm going to say it one more time Masculinity is bestowed, which means if you have the question on your heart, it's because you haven't entered into the tribe of men to be accepted based on the value that you contribute and walked through the rites of passage and initiation that every man has to do inside of the tribe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's for sure, and I can speak to any man who thinks they're the biggest fish in their pond. If you're the biggest fish in your pond, then you were like high likelihood that, one, you're not living in tension. Two, that you're not placing yourself in position to continue to grow, to be better in who you are, and you've likely got quite a bit of indifference going on in your life because you're comfortable with where you are. And so, by being intentional of being part of a tribe so that your faith, family fitness and finance can be impactful, is making sure that you have people, yes, behind you that can follow you, but, more importantly, people in front of you that have something that you don't, that you know, that you want, so that you can lean into that.
Speaker 1:And challenge the shit at you. That's the biggest thing. The tribe, what it does, is it forces growth because of and I'm going to butcher this word metacritic, meritocratic yeah, merocratic, merocratic relationship, which is essentially your daily duties, are to provide merit every single day. Like the day resets 24 hours. It means you need to bring something to the table and the tribe men every single day. Like there are no yesterday's miles don't matter. I say a lot of yesterday's miles don't matter. All that matters is your contribution today. And so if you hunted and you gathered and you took down the big bowl last week, it doesn't matter, because there is a continuous need inside of the tribe. That's essentially. We'll break down really without it. That means.
Speaker 2:So this some meritocratic relationship can be, can be and is your marriage, it is your marketplace, it is your friendships, it is everyone whose sphere that you are part of, and so I think about God. Be with him. Aaron, I was in college. I was, I was a pre-med student and I had a pre-med. I was pre-med, okay, and I had an 8am class my junior year. That was my goodness, dr Sanchez.
Speaker 2:I can't imagine he'll listen to this specifically, but just I'll never forget him. He was tenured at the university that I was at, which means he'd been there long enough to where he's basically unfireable. He can be whatever he wants within the confounds of the university. He got paid really well, but there was no real need for him to be great at what he does, and so he would. He would come in in the first 45 minutes of this 8am class. He would draw, whether it was an organ or tissue, or he would. He would dry, race, draw this thing on the board while we sat in silence, and he'd spend the next 30 or so minutes defining each part and generally talking about it.
Speaker 2:The guy was terrible. Nobody wanted to be in that class, and I think about what can come with that in our relationships, in our tribe, aaron, when we feel like, well, I've been at the organization long enough, it is entitlement, I've been at the organization long enough, I've been married 25 years, I've been here, I've been there, I've been a part of this there's a feeling that can creep in Well, I've done the work, I'm tenured. That's bull. First of all, you need to cast that out like you throw trash out your window. Don't throw trash out your window, only throw banana peels. But what you got to understand is that every tribe that you're a part of is meritocratic. It's merit based, which means you need to be giving your best. So marriage is easy for me to talk about, for obvious reasons. If you regardless if you've been together a year or you've been together 50 years if you approach that relationship like you did the first two weeks you were together, and if you've been in a relationship, you understand how you were, you pursued, you had great conversation, you put maximum effort into being with your person, then you'll remember the amount of Conscious thought and effort that you took to it.
Speaker 2:Guys, that doesn't end. That has to be on a continual basis, every day when the Sun goes down, if you need a pat on your back, give it to yourself when the Sun comes up the next morning, realize it's a new day. You have got to continue to pour in. You've got to and continue to bring value, got to continue to lean it, lean in.
Speaker 2:There's a brand that I really love, aaron called live sore. I cross it, and I don't know if they're still involved in crosser or not, but what I love about live sore is it's a. It's a, it's a philosophy that I've brought into every area of my life, because if I'm seeking tension, if I'm growing, if I'm staying in difficult circumstances, if I'm involved in a tribe, that will make me better which means they're pointing out my flaws as well as celebrating me then I'll live in a place where I never get comfortable, never peak. You never peak but you also need, because you never get comfortable. And if you can choose the live sore, just we'll just leave that where it is then you'll always be growing, you'll always bring value, you'll have the merit within that group and you'll be respected.
Speaker 1:That's good. That's good. So this, this meritocratic relationship, is the simplest way to put it is add value, always yes. Not adding value, you become a liability to the tribe, you become a liability to your family, become a liability to your work. You need to consistently think about how can I add value to situation? That should be a primary thing as you listen to this, this podcast, is how can I add value?
Speaker 1:My faith, fitness, family and finances and it ultimately comes down to your personal development plan. How do you become the best version of you so that others around you not only respect you but they actually want to follow you, and I think that's a that's. Another great thing to touch on is just the fact that all men Want this idea of respect. They want to feel respected. So you step into a room you want to be respected by the other tribes because you know that there's this almost compound effect it's not found effect of being respected and bringing so much merit, value to every room You're in, it starts to create this powerful thing where you can create more opportunity, trust, honor, respect, all of it. But it comes down ultimately that when other men respect you more opens up?
Speaker 2:Yeah for sure. So I love that you hit compound effect. A compound effect. If you guys are done any sort of investing, you'll understand what that means is that you'll start with something very little and over time it will peak on you. So the generally speaking not now momentarily, but generally speaking the market returns 10% and any amount of money as you put in the market at some sort of time. If you pull it a year or two down the road, you'll made little of nothing on. You may have lost it, but if you leave your investment in the market for 40 years, you are guaranteed a tremendous return on what you've put in. That doesn't mean put in once and quit. Yes, that means that they can thinly put in the audience. They buy the dips. So even in the dips, if you're going in buying, you're making more of an impact on that compound effect. We're really, aaron.
Speaker 2:Compound effect only works with two things in my opinion one, a decision and two, consistency. And so what a decision is for you guys? And I want you, I want you to really redefine what decision means to you. A Decision isn't something you should make more than once period, so we use the terminology non-decision. And so what that really means is I make a decision one time and I don't have to go back. Maybe not ever, but I don't have to go back and remake that decision. If I choose at the New Year's to start working out Well, I don't have to really consider it on January 21st. I'm still doing it. No, because I decided so.
Speaker 2:In any area of your life, when you choose to Create tension or live intention to be around men that will make you better, that decision is made. Stop Negotiating with yourself. Nobody will negotiate with you more than you. So make a decision. And secondly, is over time, as you've got into this and you're, you've created a healthy, meritocratic philosophy and how you do your relationship and how you do your business and how you do your finances and how you do your your fitness. In time, that compound effect can come to fruition for you with consistency. Yeah, anybody can start, but a winner will finish.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so good. So what land the plane on this? The tribal rules come down to a continuous contribution of value Every single day. And a good tribe is a lot like a shark tank, you know. Like it will call you forward. I'll say listen, man, you may have provided yesterday, thank you so much for that, but today is a new day. How are you bringing your best today? And that's really ultimately what makes you feel good as a man. Like yesterday's miles don't matter.
Speaker 1:So that self-respect goes back to the beginning, this conversation. Men desire respect. You can't demand it. You desire respect.
Speaker 1:The way that you build self-respect is by doing the thing every single day. And so if you do the thing every single day as that Meritocratic relationship inside of those tribal rules number two, it starts to compound compounds, not only with the self-respect which amplifies in the social respect, but it compounds into your authority within the tribe. Now, if you look at great men, they have been consistent, they have been committed, they push past the discomfort, push past the challenges and, over time, those men in the tribe, they are elevated in their opportunity and this is, this is probably the biggest part of why you want to be part of the tribe, inside the tribe, there's tribal benefits to being a top dog. You know, and the top dog, that place is earned again, every single day, consistently. Over time. You're adding value, it's compounding, but the guys at the top, they've got the best hic of anything, anything you think about the opportunities even presented simply because you've been consistent. Yeah, that's for this.
Speaker 2:So true guys. This plays out in our relationship for guys that get married and get divorced. Get married, get divorced on and on. It may go. Start a business and fail it. Start a business and fail not that failure is certainly a part of success, but the guys that continue to be in the cyclical of Failure and really failures quitting. So a cyclical quitting, or even relationships. You get in relationships with somebody and you have it for a couple years, then you go.
Speaker 2:All that guys will not form and you start over again, continuing to continue to start over in different areas of your life Faith, family, fitness and finance.
Speaker 2:You will never see the compound effect because you've not made a decision on it, you've not shown the consistency of it, and your desire, your need of being respected will never come to fruition in those areas, in those in those Circles, primarily because we have a need and a want to be honored. We have a need to want to be trusted. Yes, right, that's a such a big part of what respect is is that I trust you. When I look at you in the face, I know I'm gonna get you in this room, in a public space, in a private space, like you are who you say that you are and that demands without you saying it demands Respect because of who you choose, who you've chosen to be, and because you've not deviated from that, and so from that, as you're talking About, massive opportunities will fall into your lap because you're trustworthy, because you've been consistent, you've been doing the things for years now that demand that respect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's ultimately, if you think about this, this podcast. We talk about four domains faith, fitness, family, finances. We're gonna touch on all this. Finances give you the Income and the impact to make sure that your legacy lives long past you. And so if we don't think about, like the ultimate goal in All of this is how do I develop my life in such a way that's trajectory, not only influences, but it impacts people. What we're gonna need resources like money, for that Money is given to those that stay in the game and are respected by the tribe truly.
Speaker 1:And you think about the businesses that have been Started. They're typically through alignment. Our pastor talks about this right alignment before your next assignment. So, getting around the right people. Well, tribal rules matter. If Josh has been Inconsistent in his faith domain, in his fitness domain, in his family domain, in his finances domain, he can't be trusted Immediately. If I represent a tribe, I'm not gonna invite him in. But because of who he is to the consistency of his character, that Compounding effect and the ability to add value and merit every single day, that means now we can create an alignment. Two tribes who come together. Now two tribes come together. That means the resources of multiple tribes come together right. Ultimately, anything you want in life is One Conversation away from the right person, and they think about the greatest businesses, relationships, next opportunity, and all comes down to the fact that, as men, I'm judging, I'm criticizing, I'm holding you accountable to your actions, behavior and your habits.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's such a big piece. It's a piece that we all need if we're truly gonna be respected. That's the piece that we have to get. I love that.
Speaker 1:All right, guys, this is this been a great episode. I'm gonna recap for you because I want you to take some action on this. First and foremost, there are three rules of men. The number one rule of man is that men Require respect. They want respect, they desire respect. Respect is Foundationally running your life, whether you know it or not, and respect begins with self-respect. So dial in your self-respect, look yourself in the mirror and become the type of man that you most need in your life. Number two your age does not mean you're a man. The only thing that makes you a man is the number three, which is the tribe of men, and the tribe of men have rules, first and foremost.
Speaker 2:Is our matter. Meritocratic relationship, always showing up, giving your best every single day and not thinking you live a tenured life love that no tenured lives.
Speaker 1:It means yesterday's miles don't matter. Today is the only day that matters.
Speaker 2:Today matters with that comes a compound effect. Over time, you create a compound effect in your life that not just impacts one area but bleeds over into every area of your life, which, when you do that consistently after making your decision, you create for yourself honor.
Speaker 1:Trust an opportunity, opportunity if you want more opportunity in life. Well, guess what? You got to be consistent as man, first and foremost with yourself. So the big stretch for you guys, between now and the next time we have this conversation with you, is take yourself seriously. Begin at that self-respect, dive deep into building a practice for your faith, your fitness, your family, your finances, where you put the needs of yourself first from not from a selfish standpoint, but a Selfless standpoint, because when you respect you, the rest of the world respect you to indeed, love it, love it.
Speaker 2:God bless you guys. We'll see you in the next episode. Much love many blessings.
Speaker 1:Talk to you soon. Boom you off the podcast. Get back to the fucking mental lab.