The silent battle against male suicide is raging, with devastating statistics from the USA, Canada, and the UK that can't be ignored.
When we strip away the veneer, the heartache and quiet despair men often face are exposed. This episode isn't just a conversation; it's an urgent call to build lifesaving connections.
The episode culminates in a powerful narrative showcasing the transformative impact of intentional male friendships on personal growth.
Join us as we uncover how these relationships are not just beneficial but essential for personal growth and survival.
===> Join the weekly newsletter and get your free copy of 5 Steps to Becoming a High Value Man
The silent battle against male suicide is raging, with devastating statistics from the USA, Canada, and the UK that can't be ignored.
When we strip away the veneer, the heartache and quiet despair men often face are exposed. This episode isn't just a conversation; it's an urgent call to build lifesaving connections.
The episode culminates in a powerful narrative showcasing the transformative impact of intentional male friendships on personal growth.
Join us as we uncover how these relationships are not just beneficial but essential for personal growth and survival.
===> Join the weekly newsletter and get your free copy of 5 Steps to Becoming a High Value Man
This is the High Value man Conversation Podcast, a show dedicated to the mission of building high value men, men that are courageous, committed and uncompromising in their pursuit of greatness. You run the day and stop having them.
Speaker 2:Run you. Monday get better, tuesday get better, wednesday get better. Everybody's good when they're not tired. Champions is when they're tired. That's when the real champions come out. The next day get up, get up, get up, get up, keep going, win. I'm going to win as far away from these dreams as you think you are.
Speaker 1:One great man means a great family, a great neighborhood, a better city, community, state and the world. The question is if not you, then who? All right, my friend. So I'm going to share a couple of statistics with you. Are we recording? Yes, okay, I never know.
Speaker 1:In the USA, suicide is the second most common cause of death for men under age 45. Canada, suicide is the second most leading cause of death for men under the age of 50. And here's the shocking statistic leading cause of death for men under the age of 50. And here's the shocking statistic. In the United Kingdoms, suicide is the single largest cause of death for men under the age of 50. It's unimaginable, yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy when you think about that.
Speaker 1:And it brings a question why do men take their lives? Why do they consider it? We were having a conversation off air and being open, honest and transparent. I've thought about suicide. I've made some very feeble attempts at it in the past and Josh was sharing a little bit of his story and I think most men at some point in their season have thought about it, have attempted it, have considered it. It's ran to their mind Like, maybe I just let the steering wheel go, or um, take it or drink a little bit too much, but I think most guys have thought about it and it's really that suffering and silence that we want to talk about in this episode. Yeah, that's key.
Speaker 2:That's absolutely key, I think. I think, as men, we've all, just like you said, we've all experienced really, really difficult moments. Um, circumstance is certainly a word I like to use and I use it frequently. The circumstance is one of those things that time can extend. So circumstance is one of it, but I think it really comes down to moments.
Speaker 2:There are moments, there are moments that feel like infinity infinity, like it can never change, like you can never come back from something Um, like you've put your own nail in your own coffin and you honestly can't see again. This comes back to an emotional flooding. When our, when our brain and our Olympic system gets emotionally flooded, the logic side shuts down and we live life with an emotional rudder. Our emotions begin to make our decisions for us and you find yourself in a moment where it seems like everything's against you. You could never come back from it and you do. You can let yourself make a choice, a very permanent choice, a very permanent choice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you do. You can let yourself make a choice, a very permanent choice, a very permanent choice, yeah, and you know there's. There's a great quote that's floating around and I've heard it quite a bit and it's such a good, just mantra but don't make a permanent decision based on temporary feelings and suicide and taking your own life and the lives that you leave behind. The impact and just the, the lack of faith is is the most permanent decision you can make, but unfortunately it affects a huge percent of the population. It is a leading cause of death in the UK. But also think about the number of veterans that are suffering and struggling with it, the number of guys in our circle. I can think of three men in my life that have taken their life, and all through different reasons. But ultimately, I believe it all comes down to this one area they're really lacking in and that's what we're going to be talking about in this episode.
Speaker 1:So the topic that we're talking about today is tribe why men need tribe more so than anything inside the tribe, what you gain, the benefits of the tribe, why tribe is so important. Fundamentally, how it makes you a better man and the greatest gift the tribe brings you is intimacy, intimacy with another man that will be that intrusive accountability buddy accountability buddy that will kick down the door and actually ask how you're really doing, be there for you, lead you, guide you, mentor you and just be a guy in the trenches with you. Most men don't have tribes. Most men have acquaintances. They've got barstool buddies. They've got a buddy from high school, grade school or college, someone that they grew up in, someone that they had just life with proximity versus actually purposeful, intentional relationships, we're going to distinguish how to actually become a member of a tribe, how to build a tribe and how to be a contributing member of a tribe.
Speaker 2:That's huge. No, that's huge. I think we can all, on some level, um associate ourselves to a scenario like that. We've all got relationships in life that have time in, and so because we have time in, we automatically assume like that's my guy.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, even so, I can think of dozens of guys in my life that I've certainly got time in, but how they live their life has nothing very little at all in correlation to how I live my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so do I call that person a friend.
Speaker 1:That's good. That's a good distinguishing point.
Speaker 2:It is. It's one of those. It's just mind-boggling how quickly and how easily that can bring itself to fruition in our lives. I got time with you. Whatever bring itself to fruition in our lives.
Speaker 1:I got time with you, let's whatever. Anyway, yeah, I got time with you and so therefore, let's do life together, make all of our decisions based on that. And because it's just a surface level in non-purposeful relationship we don't typically go deep so paint a picture for for the guys listening on the difference between a like a values based relationship, that's more of like a tribe member, and like between a like a values-based relationship, that's more of like a tribe member and like a proximity, like a bar store big deal, big deal.
Speaker 2:So I consider I I believe we have two types of friendships in our lives. Okay, and you mentioned them both ones more like an associate, so an associate friendship versus a values-based friendship. And so an associate based friendship is is proximity. I love that you use that word. Proximity just means, in some form or fashion, on my day to day, we bump into each other.
Speaker 2:So, whether that's, uh, the office, the bar, the gym, or maybe we like the same sports team work, and that becomes the hook, that becomes the basis of, of our interactions with each other. Um, the, the. The difficulty with that, with an associate type relationship, is there's no depth required of me, there's no depth required of us. So everything that we talk about, everything that we relate in, has 100% to do with external things the sports team, the contract we might be working on together, things that are out here, but nothing of who I am, no intimacy. There's no intimacy, there's no connection there versus a values-based friendship. And this is how I truly define friendship in my own life.
Speaker 2:A values-based is because we are doing life and running in the same general direction. We have the same, we have the same values. We have the same desired outcomes with our life. We want to be, we want to have great families, we want to be fit, we want to have great finances for the sake of being generous, I mean. So we so faith, family fitness, these areas that we talk about often, that these are shared things that we both desire in our life makes it easy for us to tether up and run together, and so that's a values-based relationship, even in the HVM community.
Speaker 2:We all have a desire to make ourselves better. We know there's a better version of us right in our midst. How do we make that come to fruition? That's a shared value that means we can tether together and do life together because we're going to help each other grow in those areas. How important that is. I love it. Tony Robbins says this and this kind of goes against what I just said, but just hear it in the way that Tony would say. It is that proximity is power. So to be in proximity of men not all people, men being in proximity to men that have something in their life that I want.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Be in proximity of that, because that gives me a model. It gives me a template that gives me an anvil Just how important that is. Of who are we tethered?
Speaker 1:to. Yeah, I love that. The proximity is power, like regardless. Proximity is power because you give power to the people you are in proximity to, and so you're the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. And so if your five people are knuckleheads, there's no intimacy, vulnerability, trust, accountability, there's no shared vision, there's no core values. You guys aren't operating towards a singular direction. There's not a template of faith and it's just bar stool buddy who's focused on a good time. You're giving those people power and really you're giving them a whole lot of strength in in your life, in the direction you're going to go in.
Speaker 2:yeah and you're also giving them. The only currency you'll ever have is your time yeah, I mean the amount of time that is spent wasted on empty relationships isn't only something, I mean something you'll never get back, and what you're, what you're fostering in that is. I mean it's shallow, it's empty, and there's no true, there's no true attachment there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I will say, just as a, you know, a seed of hope is that we all get to be the thermostat in a room that changes the temperature. And so if you've got a group of guys where there's just not intimacy because no one has gone, first go be that guy. Be the guy that takes note that it levels up, creates vision values, brings in a template of faith, brings in other groups of men. Level up yourself and create that modeling of masculinity inside the tribe you're in, and if the rest of the tribe doesn't want to join, then go find another tribe.
Speaker 2:I love that you said that and I want to give the other side. The other side of that picture is Aaron. You mentioned that as a man, we have a decision to make in every room that we're in You're either going to be a thermostat or you're going to be the thermometer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, where do thermometers go?
Speaker 2:They just reflect flat, so.
Speaker 1:So this goes. Where do they go? It's trash?
Speaker 2:well they go right up your butt some of them do, yeah, some of them do. That's gross. They don't all go there. No, there's other options. But what you're doing, if you choose to be the um, the thermometer is the room decides who you are the room decides what you bring the table.
Speaker 2:The room decides what you get out of it. The room decides essentially what your life looks like, versus choosing. This is how it's going to be when I'm in the room and if you ever decide to make the choice to be thermostat. Funny thing about it is you attract who you are. You begin to attract people that have what you, that you what you want to attract men that are further along in their own journeys than you are. And what a coincidence how that. And what a coincidence how life is designed that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's beautiful man. And I'll say the difference between, also the acquaintances and the barstool buddies versus the values-based tribe is that ultimately, the Shallow relationships are going to breed a feeling of loneliness and I think that's where so many guys suffer in silence and that lone wolf there's a lone wolf. I got to do all by myself. I'm self-made. There's nobody here for me. Those guys are often found inside of like groups of acquaintances, because there's no intimacy, there's no realness there, and I think that's the other big piece. There's not only this lack of masculine depth with other men, but there's also just a whole bunch of guys running around thinking they can operate as a lone wolf.
Speaker 2:No for sure that comes out. I mean, the Bible talks about pride comes before the fall, and I think about what a talent that we lost in Robin Williams, somebody that had massive success, had the ability to bring laughter, joy, easiness literally to every and every every set he was ever on. There's just documentary after documentary of the, the joy that he was as an individual, yeah, yet he chose and I believe out of pride to suffer on his own and he literally suffered himself to all the way to taking his own life yeah it's just mind-boggling that somebody that has literally you would think, has literally every opportunity.
Speaker 2:Because who wouldn't be friends with robin lewis? Yeah, you know what I mean. Because who wouldn't want?
Speaker 1:to be friends with Robin Williams. Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Who wouldn't want to go hang out on his couch and get to know him?
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:And just to have an individual like that choose to isolate themselves, so much so that he couldn't see the end to his pain.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And the only way out that he thought was to take his own life. Just tragic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you think about that. So a guy that's surrounded by people Robin Williams that is operating as a lone wolf, feels truly that there is another way out, takes his life. What's missing in that? What was he missing? What are most guys missing in regards to deep, intimate relations with men? How do you build intimacy as a man and I think that's what we're going to dive into with the actual mechanics of this because we know in our heart that we need tribe. Iron sharpens iron. We come from the tribe, we are tribal creatures by nature. You put a group of men together, we naturally get more competitive, we build our character, we have healthy confrontation, we grow, and so we know naturally like that's how we're designed Football teams, baseball teams, basketball teams, those are all tribes. But what prevents a man from really building intimacy? Well, one.
Speaker 2:It's not modeled. It's not modeled well at all, and this is just a plague across manhood in and of itself. Most fathers aren't good at this, which is why most sons aren't good at this so good. Is creating a true intimate friendship, starting with one person, and then you have the capability. Once you've got that, you have the ability to be part of a tribe, and I think that most men don't understand that there's pursuit required in that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:If you've ever been attracted to a woman and you went and got her on some level, you pursued her. Yes, you became aware of who she is. You became aware of the things that she enjoyed in life. You got to know her. You put a lot of action in your effort, curiosity and cultivation that you put forward to make that relationship happen.
Speaker 2:Yet men have not understood that the same level of attention and effort and attitude is required to cultivate with another man. You've got to decide. There's something about you that I really like and there are so many things about you that I simply treasure. I simply treasure and I didn't get to stand here and do this with you just because, like we bumped into each other at a gas station, we decided at some point to start pursuing relationship and we became great friends before we decided to do this. And it's taken a lot of effort between the two of us. It's taken a lot of transparency, vulnerability. We've shared quite a bit off the record, just between ourselves. That's created a deep, meaningful relationship, and so that's just a big part that most men miss. They're willing to do it for a woman, you know, because there's a desire of like. No, I might get to sticker, but that can't be the only reason why you pursue a woman.
Speaker 1:And on that and not that talking points. Um, I believe our pastor shares this is that you first have to develop loyalty to a man before you can ever truly develop loyalty to a woman. Right, you have to develop first loyalty with a man before you can ever develop loyalty with a woman. So friendship is the practice ground for intimate relationship with a woman. Friendship is the practice ground for marriage.
Speaker 2:It is it absolutely. I completely agree with that. If you're not going to, if you're not going to take the time to build an intimate relationship with a man, then and you, then you choose pursue a woman. Yes, what you're doing is you're non-verbally expecting her to show up the way a man should.
Speaker 1:Oh, so good. So she ends up becoming the anvil in the relationship. You're only like safe place to talk through things, and while you shouldn't have any secrets from your relationship, she's not designed to work out your masculine journey.
Speaker 2:That's true. I'll say this to the camera Most men will create relationships like that and they wonder why they live with a woman that really reminds them of their mother. Oh, so good your wife is not your mother. She's not designed to be your mother.
Speaker 2:She's designed to be your lover. She's designed to be feminine and sweet. She's designed to be caring and tender and she's designed to be your lover. Yes, she's not designed to be a masculine man. Yes, she can come home after a hard day at work and just offload and complain and all these things on her, or?
Speaker 1:I see this a lot in the guys that we coach is that they bring all of their heavy questions to the relationship. And so what should I do? What path should I go? Should I take this opportunity? Should I do this? And so they're looking for validation and approval from a woman. The second you start delivering the questions to her puts her in a masculine she's got to now decide takes her out of safety and security and then also, more so I think, it puts you in the feminine because you're not taking point. And all of these questions, for the most part, should be brought to the tribe first.
Speaker 2:So this is interesting. So just being involved in a church scenario for decades now, I've seen so many men come into a great room a room that will challenge them, a room that will make them think differently about their own philosophies and something in them is stirred.
Speaker 2:They have their questions. But rather than going to a man, rather than going to somebody else who's in the room and asking those questions, they'll go home and they'll talk to their wives about it and they get into their emotions. And that's why you see so many people hop from church to church to church, because it's an emotional rudder. That's just one scenario out of many that can play on a man's life. But you've got to have another man that you can bring those questions to and you've got to be bold enough to ask the question. I think if I was standing in front of any man, if any of you were in this room standing in front of me and I asked you a difficult question, that you would be willing to answer it.
Speaker 2:You'd be willing to go there with me. It's. It's one of those you wouldn't probably cower down and go. I don't want to talk about it right now. No, you'd have that dialogue. You've got to have that same approach in those rooms. Find a man that you can have those conversations with. It's intricate, you've got to have it.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love it, man. Okay. So, um, let's talk to the lone wolves out there that have a bunch of acquaintances, barstool buddies, and they recognize they need the tribe. They're suffering in silence. We don't want them to be part of that 50% of the population. They're taking their lives through suicide, and so what are a couple steps that they could do to start building intimacy with one man? First, you've got an amazing story of how a friend of ours, alan, pursued you, and I think that is such a good blueprint of what it actually takes to develop friendship with another man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, alan is precious to me simply because I'll give you the end story before I give you the backstory. So the end story is I'm in a place now in my life where I've got probably a couple hundred men that I would call friends Out of those couple hundred I've got. I've got probably a couple hundred men that I would call friends. Out of those couple hundred, I've got a couple dozen that I would say are near and dear to me. Out of those couple dozen, I've probably got more than a half dozen to maybe a dozen men that I would trust my child with and I would trust to show up at my home at 2am because I was traveling, because there was something going on. I needed some. I had to make a phone call at 2 am.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And trust them to go take care of it for me. Now that's the end game. I'm very grateful. I'm blessed to have that At the same time. I've cultivated that. But what I want to go back to is Alan. So the reason why I have these relationships is all because Alan was the first guy that pulled me out of my own pit. So I met Alan at a church marriage class and we sat next to each other. He's an outgoing guy and really started talking to me from a nit, from a get go. I thought he's he's a cool guy. And Alan sort of took to me as well and asked my phone number, wanted to call me, things like that. And he ended up calling me and, uh, I live most of my life on the phone, just most of it. And so I ignored his calls literally for a couple of weeks myself, why, why?
Speaker 2:does he keep? Why does this guy keep calling? Like I liked him, but like, why does he keep calling me? It's awkward, it's kind of weird, but he kept calling. So eventually I remember driving on the road and I answered one day and he told me a few things that will stick with me the rest of my life. Things that really stuck out is he said I really, I really like you, I like who you are, I like the direction you're running in, I can see you as a friend.
Speaker 2:But he goes. I can already tell you suck at this, Like you suck and uh, but I like you enough, I'm going to help you. And I went in my mind. I'm thinking who are you? Who are you to call me up and say that to me, Like I've got my life in order, I've got friends, even though I didn't I didn't have male friends. But no, Alan saw something in me that he liked and he was the one that stepped out, made the phone calls and cultivated that in me and fast forward over the course of about six months is, Alan would probably call me two or three times a week just to say hey, just to see what's going on, Tell me about your life and cultivated a true friendship in my life and I would say Alan's the first one Fast forward.
Speaker 2:Now we've been together probably seven, eight, nine years, something like that, that that he was the first man that I true intimacy with a true depth, in a relationship where he knew most everything about me. But it took him. If he didn't step out and do that for me first, I probably wouldn't have had the template nor the balls to go do it myself. And now have so many men in my life and now do it to other men, and now to be able to do it with other men. I've fostered other great male relationships in my life because Alan was the first one that reached out and pulled me out of my own thinking, out of my own philosophy, out of my own definition of friendship. And for that reason he is very, very near and dear to me and I feel very tenderly about him.
Speaker 1:I love that. So break that down. There's a, there's a template and a process in there for those guys that were listening to that. First and foremost, Josh put himself in the right room where there's shared vision, a room where there's shared values, a room where there's already a tribal culture in place, and he allowed himself, first and foremost, to be open to it. And so A if you are in the wrong rooms, you lack intimacy. You're the lone wolf. You got to get in the right rooms, first and foremost. Like you're not going to you're more than likely not going to meet a high quality, high value man relationship at the bar, sitting around watching football and drinking. Like that's probably not going to happen. Like the guys that are actually moving in a direction, the tribes that are moving in a direction with vision, core values, stacking victories, living and leading a great life, are not hanging out at the bar on a Sunday afternoon. There's not. They're doing things that are productive and actually adding value. And so, first and foremost, get yourself in the right rooms.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's huge, there's a big deal. And to not to completely discount those rooms. You know the bar, the bar, still buddy. But that is a picture of values, that's a picture of priorities. That's what you want your life to look like. Keep going.
Speaker 1:True.
Speaker 2:And your life will never change. Your life will never change for the better. You'll just get older and more crusty. If that's what you want, keep going there. But no, that's a big deal of of finding rooms where there are people that have what you want and choosing to be in the room. It'll never be convenient.
Speaker 1:It'll never be convenient, but what are some of the benefits of the tribe? Josh?
Speaker 2:So I love this. This is out of scripture, but scripture talks about iron, sharpening iron, and it's just one of those that there's so much profound depth to that. Because if you ever want to take a piece of metal and turn it into a sword, turn it into something useful, make it sharp, make it attractive, you've got to beat the living snot out of it. You've got to put it in really high heat, distress it a lot and then beat the snot out of it. It takes a hammer, it also takes an anvil. Yes, so there's multiple parts of this equation.
Speaker 2:And so the Bible talks about iron, sharpening iron. So again, you've got to get around people that are more than just surface level with you. They're going to ask the questions, they're going to expect more out of you than you probably expect on yourself. Good, and through doing life with those people, by pursuing them, you're going to allow them to start to beat the things out of you, and you've got to allow that. You've got to invite that into your life. To live uncomfortably, that that even I've said multiple, multiple scenarios, that my, my own discomfort is the barometer to the change that I say, that I want If I'm not uncomfortable in a relationship then, it's high likelihood that relationship's not really serving me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I want to get around people that literally rub my, rub my fur in the wrong direction because they've they've got something that I want and because of that, because I allowed it in my life, then it gives me the eyes to see what's possible.
Speaker 1:I love that. I want to spend a second talking about the anvil, because we touched on this briefly. But if you don't have another masculine model in your life, another intimate relationship, that will beat the snot out of you in a loving way, and sometimes not loving way, but to literally be the anvil that you can beat out your growth, your failures, your successes, your character defects. If you don't have another man to do that, you will bring it into your intimate relationship because that's the only other person that you have in your life. And so what ends up happening is that beautiful feminine flower that you pursued at one point you end up wilting because she becomes the anvil for all of your bad decisions that another man is better equipped to deal with.
Speaker 2:Yes, your wife, your, your, your partner is not designed to be your anvil. They're not by any means You've got to have another man. That's I mean, that's that's just, that's just core to friendship.
Speaker 1:Let's talk for a second. So we were talking a little bit off air on how we utilize this friends, this friend group, this, how the tribe works and what intimacy looks like. So I'm stepping into a season of dating and one of those things I'm stepping into is talking to ladies, and one of the areas that I know that I want to create some accountability on is making sure A that I'm pursuing, based on vision and values Also, that it doesn't become a distraction because I've got a relationship here inside this business that I want to make sure is a priority and I want to make sure I'm making a conscious decision rather than an unconscious decision. So part of that transparency and intimacy that I get to develop with Josh is like hey, here's who I'm talking to, here's what I'm interested in, here's what it's looking like, here's what the intimacy between me and this potential person might look like or will look like, and just having someone else, that gets to be that intrusive accountability to help me stay in the direction rather than letting my own thoughts, behaviors, run rampant.
Speaker 2:That's you, that's it. What a, what a great template. And I would tell you that this is a fictional but I mean, I'd imagine one in 10 million men think that way. I mean, it's just, it's just one of those and it gives you such an opportunity and I just, I just hats off to you for thinking that way to to create, with vision, relationship that you want because, that right individual is out there and now that you have you literally have, say, a spreadsheet, but you have an idea of what.
Speaker 2:You have a spreadsheet even better, brilliant that you have you have a clear idea, idea of what this individual will look like, what their life will look like, what's important to them. It's beautiful and I love the fact that you're choosing to allow someone like me, and probably a few other guys, in your sphere, but to be part of your journey. It keeps you from living a life with an emotional rudder which we talked about yeah.
Speaker 2:And chasing a value of feeling. I want to feel good while I'm in this relationship versus no, I have a desired outcome of this. This and this is the kind of relationship I want to build. I'm dating for the purpose of marriage. Um, how important that is. And it's just you're such a resource for guys. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1:Thank you. But that's the probably the greatest benefit to a tribal culture is recognizing that there are other men in the tribe that have what you want. You don't have to do it on your own. If you choose to be the lone wolf, suffer and struggle in silence, do things as you've always done. You're going to get the same things you've always got, and so if you want something different in your life, you have to recognize there's a template outside, but it is going to require an area of vulnerability and transparency, Like, hey, I'm not good at this area Not good quite yet and I need some accountability and a little bit of love here.
Speaker 2:The ripple effect of that is huge. So I think about, even more so, the benefits of being in a tribe. So if you're on this podcast, you're part of the HVM community, you understand that being in this room, there are very strong philosophies of how to do life, of how to do life, of how to do family, of how to do your physique, of how to do your finances. Once you're exposed to them, you have a great opportunity to go recreate that for yourself. So philosophy is a big piece. Yes, inside of that are templates, and templates are great because I mean, if X plus Y equals Z, most every scenario in my life it does that I can take that from another man and go recreate it really quickly in my life, versus having to put in 10 years of attending to recreate the wheel for myself. And it's huge. But also love it in in rooms like this, where there's tribe, there's philosophy, there's templates, that there's also a modeled masculinity that I can get a great definition of what masculinity looks like.
Speaker 2:Masculinity is in and of itself is not pick yourself up by your bootstraps and go get your life together. By no means. Masculinity is by understanding that I can respond to scenarios, that I can build structure in my life. I can choose to decide what my life looks like and who the people I. So family of choice comes to mind. This whole, this whole idea of and we were exposed to this through our church that you have a family of origin, but you also have a family of choice, your family of origin. You didn't get to decide.
Speaker 2:You didn't decide who your parents were, who your siblings were. The people you grew up next to your parents decided that. But as an adult, we have the capability and the opportunity to build a family of choice, and that's so much. There's just so much depth in that when it comes to choosing a tribe, because you are responsible for who you put in your sphere yes, you really are. So you get modeled masculinity and the beautiful part about that is, once you build in, once you build intimacy, you also have accountability. As far as men go, we we suck at our own accountability.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm gonna change this because you know I'm I can do it yeah, or what not going in?
Speaker 2:I'm gonna bring somebody into my sphere because when I want to change, I can just do it. You're not that good, yeah, you're not that strong, otherwise you'd have done it by now, having great accountability, people that you can trust, that you will allow to see your intimacy, to see into me. I can show you the best parts of myself. I can show you the crap parts of myself and know that I want for myself because you truly care about me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that the one thing, too, that I want to I want to touch on is that and because I've been there before is the. The fear of joining a tribe is the fear of being cast out or not accepted, of rejection, right, and I think one of the yeah, we're exposed, yeah, and like just like dating, right. So if there's a beautiful woman and you want to pursue her, there is a chance of rejection. That's just the nature of the game, but there is a right tribe and a right woman and a right opportunity for every single person. The beautiful thing about the tribe of men, though we love men that are willing to be coachable, teachable, trainable and mentorable, and so if you show up humble and in a spirit of wanting to learn, like that is the best type of guy to join a tribe, because you're not coming in with pride and ego and anger and frustration and think you have to do it a certain way. There's a level of submission. What makes tribe work so well is the process of learning how to follow and then lead.
Speaker 2:I love that. That comes back to here's another pastor, Keith, is that if you're he says if you're, if you're too big to follow, if you're too big to follow, you're too small to lead. And so getting in rooms where you know there's people who are further along than you, that have what you want, that are financially farther off than you, and doing it in a way where you have vulnerability there's so much masculinity inside vulnerability- yeah, it's everything.
Speaker 2:Choosing to be vulnerable in those, in those scenarios, in those rooms, is the only way to get yourself the opportunity to grow. Yeah, I mean, you can read books all day, but from a distance, are you really going to experience what that looks like? No, you've got to be around people that have what you want and that's only available to tribe setting.
Speaker 1:I love that, love that. Okay, quick recap on this the fastest, most effective way for you to level up in your life is to get around other men that are doing it. So that is the tribe first and foremost. But this is, more so than anything, a public service announcement, a reminder that guys are suffering and struggling at rapid rates, and we shared some statistics at the beginning of this podcast that 100% of the number one cause for the deaths in the UK are from suicide, 50% in the US and Canada and it's the number two leading cause. Like that's a terrifying statistic.
Speaker 1:There are guys out there that are struggling and suffering. So if you are a man that is suffering and struggling, recognize that there is a template. First and foremost, you got to raise your hand. There's going to be the Allens out there that will find you and pursue you and so pick up the phone, answer, put yourself in those right places, but also realize you don't have to suffer and struggle in silence. Every one of us has a story at some point where man, it was so bad and the misery just seemed insurmountable and I want to take my life, but I'm telling you on the other side that there is a better way, and there's guys out there that desperately want to connect, build and do life with you.
Speaker 2:That's true, every man. I keep pulling that to Pastor Keith on this, but it is what it is. So one of Pastor Keith's greatest messages in his life just like our fingerprints, we all have a fingerprint that nobody else in history has ever had. Nobody else in history is going to have that. There's parts in you, that 1% of you, an X factor in you If you can hear my voice, that is different and value bringing that nobody else will have. And, as a man, that's part of a tribe. How much I need that from you. I want that, the value that it brings. There's parts of you that I need in my life. And so just realize when you walk into a room, that you have an excellence within you.
Speaker 2:you have a gift, a talent an ability to bring that part of you into the room and not to withhold that, and to understand that you have so much to bring inside of a room, regardless of what the room is. And we need you. We need men in our lives that want to grow. We need men in our lives that know that there's better out there for them. You know what? Let's get on the same journey together. Let's run this race together. There's strength in numbers. Surround yourself with other people that are on the same path as you, and so that's what makes this community so attractive is that we all have this shared desire to figure out whatever it is in front of us. That's the better version of our life.
Speaker 2:Go figure it out and gain it together. Rising tides raises all ships. Why would you not want to be a part of that? We need you.
Speaker 1:Yes, we need you. We need you Love it. Fantastic episode guys of this Brought you some value. Do us a favor Like, subscribe, share, Leave us a five-star rating. Leave us a five-star rating. Leave us a comment. Shoot us a message DM. If you're suffering and struggling in silence, message me personally. Message Josh We'd love to connect with you offline More so than anything. Don't forget that men need tribe. Yes, indeed, Much love, Many blessings. Talk to you soon. Boom, we're off to podcast. Get back to the fucking mental lab.