===> Join the weekly newsletter and get your free copy of 5 Steps to Becoming a High Value Man
===> Join the weekly newsletter and get your free copy of 5 Steps to Becoming a High Value Man
This is the High Value man Conversation Podcast, a show dedicated to the mission of building high value men, men that are courageous, committed and uncompromising in their pursuit of greatness. You run the day and stop having them.
Speaker 2:Run you. Monday, get better, tuesday get better, wednesday get better. Everybody's good when they're not tired. Champions is when they're tired. That's when the real champions come out. The next day get up, get up, get up, get up, keep going, win. I'm going to win, as far away from these dreams as you think you are.
Speaker 1:One great man means a great family, a great neighborhood, a better city, community state and the world. The question is, if not you, then who? Welcome back to the High Value man Conversation. This is episode 10. 10. 10, and we're talking about purpose, a man's purpose, your calling your vocation the golden thread, the reason why you're here, and so many men talk to both of us about not knowing their purpose. We're going to break down a formula and a process for you, the four easy steps that you get to deploy to discover your purpose. Start building your purpose Because, in case nobody's told you yet, your purpose doesn't show up, you haven't lost your purpose and you don't actually need to find your purpose. You need to create your purpose, and so we're going to walk you through the process of creating your purpose, so it could be a purpose-driven high value man.
Speaker 2:I love that part of the title that we have is Purpose and Contribution, and so I love that most—I don't love this, but this is just the sake of conversation—that most men think of contribution as what they do when they get up and they clock in in the morning, whether they actually work for somebody or they own their own business.
Speaker 2:I'm contributing to the marketplace and that, honestly, that type of thought process to me, aaron, is very amateur. As that, honestly, that type of thought process to me, aaron, is very amateur. As men, we are called to provide, we are called to produce, et cetera, but that contribution is a fraction of what contribution actually is. You've got to understand your purpose so that you're truly contributing in this life, and so I look forward to going pretty deep in this episode. We've been hashing back and forth for a while and it's going to be an exciting one. Especially if you're on the road driving, you want to save this episode, get back in front of it when you're at your desk in front of a notepad. There's going to be a lot that you can chew on and put to work today.
Speaker 1:Amen, and I love exactly what you said. That contribution is not just clocking in and providing the basics for the house.
Speaker 2:Contribution is setting an example by your life, turning your misery into a ministry serving others and creating an actual legacy and impact with your life For sure You've heard this before and we'll say it until the end of time, or at least the end of my life is that life isn't made to be lived on an island, and nobody has that ability.
Speaker 2:I mean, we all live in a place where our actions, our thought processes, our philosophies impact the lives of others, and so, through contribution, you are creating a legacy, whether you know it or not and whether you like it or not. And so we've got to think in such a way, aaron, that we understand that there is a ripple effect coming from our life. We're either going to be a stepping stone for those around us our wives, our children, our businesses or we're going to be a crutch. And if there's breath in your lungs and you're hearing my voice today, understand that you still have time to make that decision of what your life looks like, regardless if you're in your thirties and you've got a lot of life in front of you you think you do or if you're 70 and you go.
Speaker 1:Man, I've really done no-transcript purpose and think about purpose. Just like we said, it's not something you find, it's not something that's going to show up and it's not lost. You have to do some deep work to actually create it. Creating your purpose is the reason why you're here. We talk about the six steps and the six pillars in the high value man formula vision, values, victories, overcoming, mastering your vices, voice and, of course, vocation. Your vocation is your purpose and it requires daily discipline, consistency, effort to be able to uncover, discover and create it.
Speaker 2:I love that. I think where most men don't get it Aaron this is me, just based on my own conversations and coaching interactions is the daily discipline part. Men have this idea where they go through the schedules of their life and they may have a dream, they may have a. I think I know what my purpose is, but they never make room for it. They never know how to make room for it. And it really has to start with you understanding your own schedule. Your own priorities are embedded in your schedule, and to become disciplined in what you do every single day is really where that vision, that purpose, begins. You've got to seed it somewhere and it gets seeded in our daily disciplines and I know you've shared. But just the idea of what we do in the morning, how we start our day, our intentions to the day, how we manage our own calendars, has everything to do with whether you're living in your purpose or not. It's that easy.
Speaker 1:Yep, and to realize that, because this is going to take effort and energy for you to create, you have to have the daily discipline. You have to have time set aside every single day to craft your vision, live out your purpose and develop the skill sets necessary. Otherwise it never ends up happening and you become that guy that is old, curmudgeon-y and is just dealing a life of regret and neglect. And the truth of the matter is it's up to you. No one's gonna come and tell you what your purpose is. You might see insights inside of the workplace and domain, you might've had people, maybe even prophesize over you, but until you do the daily work, you're missing out on the greatest level of fulfillment that every man desires. Fulfillment is ultimately what we're seeking. It's not happiness, it's a sense of fulfillment and purpose, and it's only by dedicating time and devoting time every day that you actually create it.
Speaker 2:That's absolutely true. You can think about the athletes of the world, the people that make it to the top 1% of the 1%, or professionals in their vocation is sometimes people are born with the genetics of it. That's a small piece of it, but they've put in the work to chisel who they've become, because if you see them as a professional, you didn't see them in the first two decades of their life where they put in the work. Yes Would.
Speaker 1:I them in the first two decades of their life where they put in the work. Yes, what I say, it's a, a seven year overnight success At least. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I like to lean on 10, but there's, you know, in in between, there, somewhere between seven and 10, is a focus, a dedication, a drive where nobody sees what you're putting in. Yeah, you know you're, you're building yourself in the dark, if you could say it that way. Then all of a sudden you know you get a little piece of that success or a little piece of that ROI paid out. But you've been doing it for 10 years, yep.
Speaker 1:I love it Cool. Well, let's hop in, josh. So our first P. So if you've got a piece of paper in front of you, the best way to walk through this process of defining your purpose and actually getting down to the mechanics of what you need to focus on every single day. There are four P's to this process, four P's that develop your purpose. And if you draw a purpose right there, dead center, that becomes the starting point. The first area that you're going to draw out is another little circle bubble, and it's going to be titled pain.
Speaker 1:So pain is the start of your purpose, and we think about our pain. We often we think of the misery, the struggle, the suffering, the challenge we face as problems. But, as Garrett has shared every single Saturday morning for the last couple of weeks, that when God gives you challenges, it's like a good friend giving you a weight vest. And so we're both fitness addicts and I know if I gifted Josh a 40 pound weight vest from Rogue, he'd be like dude, this is the coolest gift ever. Thank you, I appreciate that. And then there's some men that if I gave him the 40 pound weight vest, they'd be like what is this for? What am I supposed to do with this? Yeah, why would you give this to me? It's heavy, it's burdensome and it's going to make my life harder. Could you just give me a gift card? Yeah, I don't have any friends that would do that, thankfully, because I've built a really good tribe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but the truth of the matter is, your pain is designed to help you define your purpose and your pain, just like that weight vest represents the ability to grow stronger under the burden and weight. All of your pain has the seed of your purpose in it. So there's a great quote I forget where I heard it from, but your misery is the seed of your purpose in it. So there's a great quote I forget where I heard it from, but your misery is the seed of your ministry. That's good. And so, when you think about your pain, there's two areas to look at first and foremost and we're gonna run through these with some examples. But your big T and your little t trauma. And so we've all got trauma, guys. We've got things we didn't get when we were growing up. We were dealt with neglect or maybe addiction or divorce, whatever it was. Whatever you've walked through or it was given to you as a gift. Starting with your big T trauma and thinking what is the pain that I've walked through that I hope nobody else has to experience.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think I mean, like you said, we all have experienced a trauma, or trauma is most likely lots of plural plurals in our life, and our trauma can be one of two things. Once you decide what it is, it can either become your baggage or it can become your fuel, and it's until you posture yourself and decide this happened either to me, but it's not something that I have to live with is you can use that to fuel yourself. Going back to what research says is we're all motivated by two things, aaron pleasure or pain. Very few people have a motivator of pleasure and actually go and see through what they want to create in their life. That's good. Most of us are motivated by pain simply because we don't want to live it again. Yes, we don't want to experience it again, which is fine, whichever.
Speaker 2:One's for you, I happen to be motivated by pain. Shocking Puts me in the majority. One's for you, I happen to be motivated by pain. Shocking Puts me in the majority. Yet I've decided in my life, the things that were designed to hinder me, hurt me, distract me and kill me I mean literally even kill me that those gave me an eye or a vision into what I'm created to do and I've decided to make that fuel so from the men that are hearing us. You've got to look retrospectively on the things you've experienced in your life and realize it's not designed to hold me down, it's not designed just to be with what you're talking about, the seeds that you need to create the purpose in your life that you know you have for yourself. You just got to see it that way, yep.
Speaker 1:Our pastor says you know, we are the only beings that can apply meaning to meaning. And so if you look back at these historic events, your big T and your little t trauma, and reframe, rewire and reprogram your brain on how you look at it, they become powerful sources and you think about every movie you've ever watched, right the hero's journey. There's always a struggle they have to face and that struggle is the seed of their greatness. And so your life you've got big T and little T trauma. So big T trauma physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually abused. Little T trauma, the neglect that you have maybe put on your life. You know, disconnect, or failing in a business, or failing in school, something like that All of those are opportunities and potentials for you to live at a higher capacity, simply by changing the meaning of it.
Speaker 2:That's so good. My brother has a mentor in his life and has shared this many times from the platform and it's stuck with me as well but that men have to be told once, but they also have to be reminded many, many times. So I say that to say you're going to hear this from us many, many times is your circumstance, your current circumstances, being held hostage by your own beliefs? So good, so if you can say it again for the guys in the back, if you're so, your circumstance is being held hostage by your own beliefs, and so you've heard that once you'll be reminded many times as long as you listen.
Speaker 2:This podcast is where, whatever you're experiencing in life right now, whatever laps you continue to take month after month, year after year, understand that you have not pulled the lessons out of that yet. There's lessons in there for you. There's the seeds that you need, the fertilizer that you need to grow this purpose in your life that you know you have, but you've been sabotaging yourself. You've been ignoring it, suppressing it, repressing it, attempting to run from it, flee from it, but that's why you keep taking lap after lap, and I never hope that any man gets at the end of his life and looks back and sees that he sees that he's taken the same lap 70 times. Because you've lived 70 years, you've got to understand that we have to. We have to get in there, unpack the trauma, realize the lessons that are in it and put them to work through daily disciplines and through choice.
Speaker 1:Yep, I love it. There's something that I wrote down. I think it's just so profound your purpose is inside of what is designed to distract and kill you. Lead into that a little bit, because I think that's such a beautiful thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So we've again. We've all experienced things in life, things that have hurt us, been painful, things that we probably would like to forget if we could, but we're not going to. And so if you look at those things and I'll share just a few of mine I've had, quote unquote, what the world would call failures in business. I've had multiple business failures franchise failures. When I first got married, got into the franchising world and that was very painful Lost several million dollars in over just a couple of years.
Speaker 2:Yet the lessons that I've taken out of that, as painful as it was, is I got a multi, multi-million dollar education is how I've decided to look at it that I can now take into my current businesses. I've got multiple businesses that we run. I'm a developer, I'm a builder, I'm doing some large projects and things like that. Now I'm also leading couples with my wife in a ministry and so we get to do events and coaching and all these things that we get to do. But the reason why we're successful in those things is because through those quote unquote failures is I've pulled out what I needed to, rather just looking retrospectively and go, oh man, like I lost several years of my life. I gave it my best and I lost several million dollars, et cetera. No, that's garbage.
Speaker 2:What can I pull out of it is my lessons, and so if my purpose is hidden inside the things that were designed to distract me or kill me, then I've got to look retrospectively into those things. Relationally is I have a marriage and I've already dropped this bomb. So listen to some old podcasts if you missed it. But I was involved in an affair early in my marriage. And if I look at a purpose in my life, I have a purpose on my life to lead people into great marriages.
Speaker 2:Not just marriages like oh, I like to come home to my wife Like she's my friend. No, a marriage where we are crazy about each other, where we have children that want to follow us, that we have couples that see what we have and go what are you doing? Like I want a piece of what you got. Shocking that I would go through something that was designed to kill me, kill my marriage, kill my ability to have that relationship. Yet my purpose is embedded in that, and so, from business to relationship, to even personally, the things that were hurt us the most, those circumstances are where the lessons are embedded.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:We've got to pull those out and put them to work.
Speaker 1:I love that. And just before we segue to the next P, you know a deep pain in my life was growing up without a father figure and as an only child raised by a single mom, I spent many years in that sense of pain, feeling like life just gave me lemons and the wrong cards, not understanding what it meant truly to be a man, not having great models for masculinity, and it was a pain that made me feel very insecure, exactly like you said, wanted to distract me, wanted to kill me, and it was the pain that I had to face where the seed of this business, this coaching, the high value man movement in the last 10 years dedicated to masculinity, building relationships with men, has been seeded. And that's the beautiful thing about it is, once you understand that your pain gives you a unique insight and perspective that nothing else can, allows you to then step into a space where you can turn your pain into passion, which is the next P on the formula. So, if you're following along on this video, the next P that you want to draw out the opposite corner corner is passion, and passion. If you know the root of the word, it is rooted in pain. Passion of the Christ is a deep suffering that he went through. There's deep conviction that happens inside of passion.
Speaker 1:When I think about describing passion, passion is the type of thing that you can get on a soapbox about, where you can just start spitting fire and it just comes and it fuels up your body, it excites you, it energizes you. There's pain, but there's also purpose inside of it and you think about anybody that you followed online, any account that catches your attention. Jordan Peterson always comes to mind. He is a very passionate man. You can see in how he speaks and communicates. If there are accounts you're following, there's probably a level of passion that's being ignited. If there's aspects inside of movies that you want that moves you emotionally, there's an aspect of the passion there that you need to start discovering and deciphering. And once you start to pull on that passion, that starts to give you the fuel for defining your purpose.
Speaker 2:I love that. And even talking about movies, it takes me back to the Matrix Just one of the classics in my lifetime and thinking about the main character, character Neo, is he knew there was something more. He knew that there was something more and continued to question it, was looking for it, did his due diligence and discovered that there was so much more to what he understood his life and, um, and he had to make a choice. He had to make a choice between the red pill, the blue pill, and he chose to to, I would say, take the hard path and chose the red pill. And we've all got the opportunity to do that in our lives. And just if you've seen the movie and I imagine if you listen to this, you probably have multiple times, like I have but understand that when you take the red pill of life, you're choosing to embrace the pain and and that's the only way, in my opinion, to create true passion in your life, and I love that you explained passion.
Speaker 2:Passion is one of those things, at least in the few things in my life that I get to do that literally feel effortless. Effortless when I get to do, when I'm in the construction world and I know I'm building something. Yes, it has a financial piece of tied to it, but when I'm building something, literally, there's an effortlessness that comes about that when I'm sitting with a couple or across the table from another man and we're working through and walking through things together, we may be putting in time together, but there's not a single interaction that I have that I don't walk away filled up. Yeah, it's, it's an effortless. So I know that I'm in this lane that I'm designed to be in. It creates a deep passion and, um, it's, there's very few things there in life that that I get to do and, uh, that don't draw for me. Yes, and those are things, the pat, the things in my life that I'm passionate about, don't draw an ounce from me. If anything, they completely fill me up.
Speaker 2:And every man that can hear this has that opportunity.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that and you're you're talking about. We're leading into the next P year, where it becomes effortless and almost like play. But passion is one of those things that will energize you. And we look at all the things we do throughout the day. There has to be segments in your day that energize, fulfill you and fill your cup, otherwise you end up just pouring out constantly. And the beautiful thing about passion where I believe that God uses passion as a tool to show us the direction of our purpose, I call it the golden thread. But it shows up subtly in the beginning. It's very, very subtle. It's just like a thread from a shirt, right, and so it's simple, it's golden, it's bright, but it's very, very faint when you first begin to develop your passion. And so it might show up inside of doing something artistic or creative, or jujitsu is an area where I feel very deeply passionate about. Exercise is an area I feel deeply passionate about.
Speaker 1:Coaching men I can lose track of time on a coaching call because I just get inside of the conversation. That's where the Holy Spirit is working through me and to me, and I lose track of time and I get to become the vessel. And so when you have those areas of life where time stops and you're just in that sense of flow Josh and his coaching, josh, working with married couples, josh, and building inside of companies, inside of fitness, inside of jujitsu. When you find that area that invites you to continue doing it, where it's almost autotelic, it's automatic. You just want to keep doing more of the behavior. That's a seed of passion and something that you need to pull on. The more golden threads you pull from your life, the more that you get to weave that golden life into your reality.
Speaker 2:I love that and you touched on this, but I really want to hit on it. But if you're aware of something in your life that really brings energy, that brings focus that brings this strong state where you feel like you're in an effortlessness. You've got to understand that your awareness breeds responsibility.
Speaker 1:So good.
Speaker 2:And so if there's something in your life and hopefully there's multiple somethings, but at least one thing in your life that invigorates you, you're aware of that. That invigorates you, that's you're aware of that, and there's a responsibility to spend time divulging in that, understanding it more, finding ways to recreate that as much as you can in your life, and you'll create a lane, probably unique to the whole world for sure, that that only you have to bring. And so, as men, we need that from you. Your family needs that from you your children need that from you.
Speaker 2:The marketplace needs that from you. Your family needs that from you. Your children need that from you. The marketplace needs that from you. So, if you're aware of these things, if you're aware of something, know that there's a responsibility for you to put some effort to it. Yes, and we're gonna add to that. Step out in fear if it's fear for you, do it afraid.
Speaker 1:Do it afraid. 100% love that. Okay. So we all need to have some area of play inside of our life, what comes easy to us. So Josh talks about building. I think about an area of play that and I had to go back to my childhood to really come up with this, but I loved building with Legos. Legos were my favorite thing in the world. I could sit in front of a box of Legos and create the design or create something totally new, and I think about just the creative process and how my mind could relax and I could get into a behavior and action.
Speaker 1:There is a deep aspect of being able to. If understanding your play allows you to tap into your purpose, because a purpose-driven man, he doesn't feel like he's working Like. There's not this sense of like. Oh my God, I got to clock in, clock out. I got another client call. I've had 16 hours of client calls in a day before and it feels like a sense of play, because in my passion I'm fulfilling that sense of solving pain and I know that I'm directed in that path and so God gives you energy. I think Tony Robbins says this life supports what supports more life. Right. And so you think about if you can get into a sense of play in whatever domain that looks like to you building, creating, it could be music, it could be exercise, martial arts, whatever it is but if you can find that sense of play it'll catapult your purpose.
Speaker 2:That's so beautiful and just to spin, I know that we're because of the week that we're in when you're listing this. We're in the Holy Week leading up to the death and resurrection around Easter, and I'm thinking about, even biblically, that when the Israelites were drawn out of Egypt out of slavery, that they spent 40 years in the desert, when the intention was for God to take them into the promised land. So, as you think about your purpose, there really is a promised land for you and you have the opportunity, like the Israelites did, for that to be an 11-day journey or potentially a 40-year journey. Stay away so deeply is a lot of men will spend their life so embedded in their career that they don't actually get to taste their own promised land.
Speaker 2:And so what a funny thing that, if you get out of college around the age of 24, like most people do, and you retire at 64, like most people do, how funny that's 40 years and and working for someone and having a career is is not the I'm not trying to make that an evil thing here, because this can play in a context of multiple areas of our life but understanding that your purpose is so close to you, if you would take the time to honor it, if you would take the time to do it afraid if you would take the time to be disciplined in what you were called to do, to do, that you won't spend 40 years in your own desert and never get to see your promised land yeah, because here's the big piece of that.
Speaker 1:Everything in masculinity is modeled. So if you are unable to tap into your purpose, live in a sense of play, overcome your pain and find passion in your life, what you're modeling to your wife and to your kids is that life is just hard and there's no beauty in it. And for men, there is a certain amount of struggle we get to embrace. But there's also the fulfillment side that feels good. It feels good as a man. And if the only thing that you're doing is clocking in, clocking out, collecting the 40 hours for that $40,000 a year, retiring after 40 years, then what you're actually modeling to your kids is that dreams are not really possible. And look what dad's doing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they will. And I'll rip this off from Napoleon Hill, one of the great books of all time that he wrote, but one of my favorite quotes from Napoleon Hill. He says that life is a checkerboard and the player opposite you is time. If you hesitate before moving or neglect moving promptly, your men will be wiped off by the board of time. You're playing against a partner who will not tolerate indecision. So good. So you have a passion.
Speaker 2:You have things in your life that are truly energizing you. If you're willing to spend your life in the desert, god will let it happen. But if you make a decision, put some effort behind it, do it afraid. Get some disciplines in your life. You can taste something that very few men are able to taste because they're unwilling to. It's not that you can't I hate the word can't. So many times you hear, oh, I can't do this, or we can't do that, or we can't afford. Oh, I hate that line, we can't afford this. No, you will or you won't. Things in life there's very few things in life we can't do. You may not be able to fly like a bird You're right, you can't do that. But the mass majority of things in life, you're either gonna will it or you won't it. You've gotta choose, and time is playing against you.
Speaker 1:Love it, it's beautiful man, make a move, make a move, make a move. I love it. Okay, and we're kind of talking about the mechanics leading up. So first recap you got to go through your pain, face it. Make a list of your big T, little T, trauma.
Speaker 1:What are the things you hope never happen to somebody else? I hope that the men inside my circle, the fathers that I got to coach that have an impact on young men, will never have to deal with that feeling of not knowing what it means to have a model of masculinity inside your life. And so that's one of the pain that is driven into a passion, the passion of building the high value man, movement and being able to spend time with men on path leading in their faith, fitness, family and finances. I'm deeply passionate about. It is a deep sense of play, because I get to create. I get to create alongside, co-create, collaborate with creative men that are building a life, the way they design, and it does feel like play. And then, last piece of this puzzle comes down to priorities when do you actually spend your day and are you dedicating the time, the discipline and the devotion to make your purpose achievable?
Speaker 2:This one's a deep one. That's a rabbit hole. I love this is a Um, but I love exposing this. Most people work Monday through Friday. Most people we don't have that luxury, but most people work Monday through Friday Um, and so with that you get a Saturday and Sunday off Sundays, a lot of time in general, family living is spent preparing for the upcoming week, so Saturdays truly expose where where your priorities are more importantly Saturday, saturday mornings. So Maxwell talks about when a man wakes up on a Saturday morning, you can actually see what's most important to him.
Speaker 2:If he chooses to sleep in, if he chooses to get up and study, if he chooses to go be around other men, if he chooses to move his body and exercise. How we live our Saturday mornings. So, let's say, from 5 am till noon, just think about your own schedule. What are you doing in that time? Are you sleeping in? Are you trying to take a rest? Rest is good, but save that for Sundays. That it truly exposes what's most important to you. So if you have a passion, if you have a dream, if you have a calling on your life, look at your Saturday mornings and expose those things. I know that Aaron and I get up we get up early. I know that Aaron and I get up, we get up early. I know that we spend time in the word. We spend time studying a book or some type of literature, making our mind sharper.
Speaker 2:We often move our bodies and exercise, and then we also spend Saturday mornings with about 300 men because these are things that are priorities in our life. We want to grow in these areas of our life and that's that's not by mistake, that's by design that we do that. And look at what we do, for a quote, unquote living. Yeah Right, we're healthy, we have great relationships in our life, we have great families. We're going. We're going in directions that other. We're creating a wake in our life where other men want to follow us. What? What a happenstance, right? No, it's not. It's by design. So look at your Saturday mornings and make adjustments there and that can breed into the other days of your life If you're willing to take. So look at your Saturday mornings and make adjustments there and that can breed into the other days of your life.
Speaker 1:If you're willing to take a look at that place, I love that and if you're not dedicating so, one of the stretches we want to leave you guys with as you work through this Exercise of your own is a minimum of one hour per day dedicated to discovering, uncovering and building your purpose. That means you're doing a deep work, working through the big T, little T, trauma, understanding what it is. You're passionate about finding a sense of play inside your life and finding the intersection. So if you scan out and look at this diagram that we built for you guys, this is the intersection. So the intersection of your pain, your passion, your play and your priorities is where your purpose is discovered.
Speaker 1:So if you're struggling a life without fulfillment and you want to know what your purpose is, realize there's a format, there's a formula, there's a template, there's a process for it. But you got to do the work, which means your priorities need to get straight. Saturday morning. That is a great example, josh. I love that. How you spend your time when you have time off shows more about your character and the trajectory for your life than anything else. If you're not passionate, if you're not purposeful about something in your life, change your priorities. Start getting in the rooms, start spending time with other high value men. Get inside of the church group, start getting involved in community, get in therapy, coaching, counseling something that's going to stimulate a new way of thinking for you.
Speaker 2:For sure, and it's one of the great saboteurs of our life and our generation. And don't turn off this podcast when I say this, don't turn off this YouTube when I say this Sports are a great thing because we get a piece of some competition in there. But I also want you to realize if you spend a lot of time following sports football, basketball, golf, whatever it may be for you if you spend a lot of time coming home from work and that's what gets your focus, then you're getting a piece an old taste, probably from high school of what competition looks like. But as a man, we're designed to compete. That's what draws us to sports.
Speaker 2:Yet what are you really doing besides having a beer and sitting on the couch? You're completely distracted. You're not in a place of competition. You're not making yourself better, you're not sharpening your mind, sharpening your body, sharpening your relationships. And not that I have anything against sports themselves, but when they become a great priority of men's lives and men are spending hours and hours a week in front of the television you're not actually getting competition. You're not. So you have to realize that if this is a big part of your life, start there as far as cutting some things out. Yes, and get around actual men, go actually compete in something. Yes, whether it's jujitsu, crossfit, join a flag football team, a softball team, whatever stage of life that you're in, and go compete in something and see how you feel after that versus, you know, watching your team play 100%, 100%.
Speaker 1:I love that. There's an activity I take. I take our coaching clients through when it comes to priorities, and it's something I'd love if you guys will take it on, because it'll give you a lot of insight and if you track what you do in a 48 hour period, you will find so much opportunity for you to be able to insert new domains and opportunity to develop skills, understand what your purpose is, live out your passion. But most people make the excuse I don't have time. I don't have time, and the truth matters.
Speaker 1:We all have 24 hours a day, and how is it that one man can run multiple businesses, a successful family, contribute and serve at church and another man can't find time and so do the deep work, and so the time assignment is for 48 hours.
Speaker 1:Track everything you do in 30 minute increments, and so what that looks like.
Speaker 1:Grab a notepad and a piece of paper and, depending on when you wake up five to five, 3536, six to six, three, all the way on down for 24 hours straight write down one sentence.
Speaker 1:What she did. You'll be shocked with how much time you spent scrolling on social media, Netflix, binging, wishing, wanting and wasting your life away, and that insight will give you direction. Then, once you've got that time, you're going to go back and look at all of those little markers for the day and put a plus, a minus or an equals next to all of the activities. And put a plus, a minus or an equals next to all of the activities Plus for what energizes you and ignites passion, minus from what drains you and equals which is just kind of neutral things that you have to do. And if you look at all the spot in those, all those marks, those 40 hours worth a day, how many areas actually ignite you and put a plus in? And that should be eye for you, for the average man to look at that and say, oh my God, I am wasting this life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that goes back to what I just said. And if you're saying, if you say, oh, I can't do that or I don't have enough time, no, you're just choosing not to have enough time. It's not that you can't, I won't, I won't have enough time Well, you're going to be right If that's what you're saying. You have to choose, and so this is something my wife and I have taught on for years inside of marriage, but it works here too is that you protect what you prioritize. So you have to prioritize those pluses as you're going through that, and start and start to, literally, if you're going to prioritize them, actually prioritize them, and then protect them, make them, make them a non-decision that this is what I'm going to start doing every day of my life and then let that grow. Let that grow as it replaces some of those, those negatives, those minuses. You know, if you, if you work from nine to five and you feel like that's a minus, well, you can change that later in life. Yeah, right, but focus on those pluses, let them grow and protect them. Protect them.
Speaker 2:You're not going to negotiate with yourself. Yes, you're not going to negotiate. You're going to put these on there. You're going to do them. You're going to spend time in them. You're going to focus on them for an hour a day. It's good.
Speaker 1:Love it. All right, guys. Well, this is the purpose episode. Remember the four P's to defining, refining and creating your purpose. Your purpose is not lost. It needs to by you with intentionality. Your first P is pain.
Speaker 1:Walk through your big T, your little T, trauma. Make a list of it. What are the things that you hope nobody else has to walk through? Great, it's your job to be the guiding light for them. Your passion what ignites that fire, that fury, that excitement? Where do you lose track of time? Sense of play? What did you do when you were a kid? What are the areas where you literally are a genius in, where other people look at it and, like man, I wish I had some of that talent and treasure. Those are your strengths and you get to continue to develop those and then focus on your priorities. How are you actually spending your time? If you want to be a purpose-driven, high value kingdom man that leads in his faith, fitness, family and finances, you need to discover and uncover what your purpose is. In order to do that, you got to put in the time. Do it, make a decision, love it. See you on the other side. Much love, many blessings. Boom, we off the podcast. Get back to the fucking mental lab.