The High Value Man Conversation
The High Value Man gets what he wants from WOMEN, WORK AND THE WORLD OF MEN. He's confident, charismatic, creative and collaborative and it all begins with High Value Conversations. Have a listen to this weeks High Value Conversation.
Hosted By:
Erin Alejandrino & Josh Lashua
The High Value Man Conversation
The HVMC: s3 ep11: The HVMC: Unveiling Deep Bonds: Exploring True Intimacy and Masculine Bonds
Join us as we dive deep into the true essence of intimacy, exploring beyond physical connections to uncover the authentic bonds that define genuine relationships.
In this episode, we delve into the nuances of maintaining vibrancy and trust in romantic relationships, highlighting the delicate balance necessary to sustain them.
We'll share insights on building a supportive 'tribe,' mastering conflict resolution, and emphasizing the crucial role of self-awareness in fostering deep, meaningful connections.
===> Join the weekly newsletter and get your free copy of 5 Steps to Becoming a High Value Man
This is the High Value man Conversation Podcast, a show dedicated to the mission of building high value men, men that are courageous, committed and uncompromising in their pursuit of greatness.
Speaker 2:You run the day and stop having them run you. Monday get better. Tuesday, get better. Wednesday, get better. Everybody's good when they're not tired. Champions is when they're tired. That's when the real champions come out. The next day get up, get up, get up, get up, keep going. Win. I'm going to win, as far away from these dreams as you think you are.
Speaker 1:One great man means a great family, a great neighborhood, a better city, community, state and the world. The question is if not you? The question is if not you, then who? Welcome back to the High Value man Conversation. This is episode 11,. I believe it might be episode 10, 12? 11. 11, 11. 1-1.
Speaker 1:This is a very special episode because we're talking about something every single guy is interested in Lust, trust and desire, connection and intimacy. The word that we're going to be diving into is intimacy how to develop deeper intimacy with your partner, but, but, but. But. Before we get to that, before we get to the lust, trust and desire, there's something that may be preventing the connection and intimacy, and we're going to be diving into three simple steps you've got to dive into for yourself, first and foremost, because intimacy is not something you do just with your romantic partner. That's true. Keep going. What I'm learning because this is definitely a new domain, this is why I've got the expert, josh Lashua in the house here is that intimacy, or, as our pastor says, into me, I see, is really about developing a deep, authentic relationship so you can show up with presence, purpose and, more so than anything, you can create real, true, lasting connection.
Speaker 2:Yeah, most, most of us men, most of us discount or lack true understanding of what intimacy actually is, and I love that you hit on that. Most of us just define it as as what we experience with the opposite sex. We don't understand that there's intimacy beyond just the physical aspect of it, that there is intimacy to be found in an emotional connection, in a spiritual connection and in an intellectual connection, and we discount those and don't pay any attention to them, mostly because we don't understand that they're there. We get so focused on how we feel with a woman and we just see that as intimacy, intimacy being sex, intimacy being what it's, what it's considered to be in a physical aspect. But we discount, we don't know that it that it has to be cultivated intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Yes, with a woman, but even more so with a man. And that's really where I want to spend our time today, because if you want a great intimate relationship, long-lasting relationship with a woman, it must first be cultivated with a man.
Speaker 1:I love that and my third grade self, like there's things flying off my head where I'm just like that sounds gay, but the truth of the matter is that's if you're thinking it, so is everyone else out there?
Speaker 2:yeah?
Speaker 1:yeah, I know I've got it, got it.
Speaker 1:And it's not. It's not. I have an immature side that pops up every once in a while, but the truth of the matter is the template for all of your relationships begins with men, and that's something we're going to touch on and talk on continuously in this podcast, because this is the high value man conversation. Most men are isolated, alone, suffering, struggling and all doing this in silence and alone because they don't realize, and typically it's because they weren't given a mentoring relationship growing up. And so we look at the number of fatherless homes there are, which ends up creating a broken template for so many men where they just go out not being able to trust other men so they can't really trust themselves. They have a hard time developing trust relationship with other guys connecting on a deep, intimate level. But the truth of the matter is, if you can't develop it with a man, you can't develop it with a partner.
Speaker 2:That's true, that's very true. So the big why behind this of why is intimacy so important and why are we talking about it and going to go in the depths of it that we're going to go into is intimacy is the prerequisite for authenticity and connection, which we've talked about in previous episodes. You can go back and listen and understand what authenticity and connection are and why they're so important for every living being. But if you want to get there, if you want to experience that in your life, then it has to start with intimacy. That's the hinge that the door of connection and authenticity swings on. And so, with intimacy again understanding that there's multiple aspects of it outside of the physical it's a mental, emotional and spiritual journey, as we can talk about it and to not allow the true saboteur of intimacy, which is fear, to take hold or take root in our lives and it has on some, on some point, for all of us.
Speaker 2:If you're listening to my voice, you've experienced fear that's kept you from intimacy within yourself and intimacy within your friendships and, of course, intimacy within your romantic, romantic relationships. So the fear of of intimacy often comes from if you knew me, aaron, then you would leave me. If you knew me, then you would know that I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm not smart enough. These voices that we hear in our heads as we're attempting to build a relationship with somebody is I'm not worthy or I just don't know how to be intimate. Again, you talked about the fatherlessness that's just taken a hold of our generation and younger generations is. This is a template that's designed to be modeled by a father, to be grasped by their children, so that we can create some sort of momentum in our families. And because of the lack of fatherhoods or true fathers there's lots of dads out there there's a difference. The lack of fathers has not created this template to hand down, and so that's hiding and not truly being authentic.
Speaker 1:You have an intimacy problem, and that's just the truth behind it. And so your step one is to realize that intimacy begins with self, and so self intimacy understanding yourself what is authentically driving you, what your needs are, what your wants are, what motivates you, what your purpose is, what your passions are, what brings excitement and play. You got to begin first with self-awareness.
Speaker 2:So true. It just exposes part of my own journey, aaron, is I haven't been this way my whole life and the way that I am, the way that you know me this is a self-discovery that I began about 10 years ago. I'm grateful to be where I am today, but I do know that my authentic self is both a brute, because I am, and that's the authentic part of me. In a lot of scenarios I can be. People call me the Hulk, but I'm just a brute, like I'm just going to push things through and make things happen. It's who I am, while at the same time, my authentic self, especially with my girls and when my son gets here.
Speaker 2:I'll be this way with him. But that's also that I'm very, very tender. I'm very passionate. I'm very compassionate. I have very tender hands with my girls as far as loving them, being around them. So there's a spectrum of what your authentic version can be and to be okay with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And to not withhold that, because if you're withholding it, everyone around you knows you're not as good as you think you are. We often think you know, I don't need to expose that or this isn't going to serve me, I don't need to be that way or that part of me won't be desired. If I show that side of me and so men choose to withhold it. And if you're withholding anyone, I promise you, the people that do life with you know it, they see it. There's a part of you that's missing. They think there's something going on with him, but I don't know what it is and really it's you withholding that part of yourself.
Speaker 1:So again, this goes back to your first step is self-awareness, authenticity, knowing what drives you and moves you, and the thing that destroys intimacy I think we need to touch on that here the starting point. So if you're going to begin building intimacy with romantic relationships and then with the tribe of men, it begins with self. But the thing that destroys intimacy is distractions, and so we think about this. Anytime you feel the feeling of a some tenderness for self, an emotion come up, um, the all the range of emotions that happens through self-awareness process. Every time you distract and you avoid and you lean towards your vices, rather than leaning in to the just, the experience of acceptance and really knowing who you are and what drives you, you are avoiding self-intimacy, which is going to prevent intimacy in every other area of life. That's true.
Speaker 2:I'll add to that. Aaron, you're absolutely right, the distractions are a key component of that. But there are three saboteurs to this distraction, certainly one of them. Another one is is division, so being divided within yourself and being divided in your relationships. So there's distraction, there's division and then there's disagreements. And so the disagreement side of if you and I can't agree, then we can't move on and I'm going to withhold myself or withhold something from you because we can't get past this and it's because we choose not to get past it. So you have to be aware of all three distractions, division and disagreements.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they all begin first at that cellular level with yourself. So distractions we know those distraction guys drinking drugs, masturbation, porn, procrastination, social media is a distraction Anything you're doing to avoid division. So I look at division as a line of integrity If you know what you should be doing. You've made a promise to yourself, you've got core values you're trying to live by, but you choose to lean into attachment rather than authenticity Check out that previous episode To be accepted, rather than truly being authentic, you're creating a division in self which is not authentic, which is not going to be a foundation for intimacy.
Speaker 1:And then the disagreements. Same thing there and I love this because we're going to touch on conflict resolution on this episode. Intimacy is developed through disagreements and the resolution of disagreements. So in order for me to show up authentically, I have to be able to know who I am first and foremost, and realize that who I am is good enough in God's eyes. I'm always growing, but I'm going to have disagreements with my relationships. And if I avoid the disagreements, the confrontation and the conflict and choose to hide or withdraw, I'm not allowing my friends, my partner, my person to actually contribute their side to get a truly authentic version.
Speaker 2:So true, and I teach this and coach this often. But but conflict avoided is conflict allowed to mature. Conflict multiplied, multiplied, it will grow. You have to pay the piper at some point, and so the sooner. So this is because I'm married to a doctor and we do lots of relationship coaching that he uses verbiage, but really conflict comes down to a rupture and repair, and so that's really all that happens in a relationship.
Speaker 2:It can happen within yourself, but even with relationships relationship with another man, relationship with your romantic partner is at some point conflict will create a rupture in your relationship and it's up to you to see through the repair. And the sooner that you can make a repair happen, the less mature maturation will happen in that conflict. So it's easier, it's actually easier to have the conversation. It's easier to to repair something as soon as it happens, versus, oh, I'll wait for the right time to bring it up, whether it's in a friendship and I haven't seen you in six months to a year, and then we want to have it. It's very difficult. Seen you in six months to a year and then we want to have it, it's very difficult.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so the sooner you can, you can get to get to ground zero after something happens, the way easier it's going to be Truth, and then it's such a good flex to actually face conflict the way that a mature, masculine, high value man really should, because it's allowing you to then spend your time and attention on things that actually matter. Yeah for sure I love that, okay. So step one is self. Self-awareness is the foundation to authenticity, which is the the, the uh, the blueprint for intimacy. So I got to understand self. The next step is to develop intimacy with another man. So this is a template. This is a template for all. Relationship is your relationship with men. Men will get you and you can go toe to toe with a man. You can have confrontation with a man, you have conflict with a man, and that allows you to really a understand your strength, who you are, develop your, your core values and your virtues. But more so than anything like a relationship with a man will show you really who you are.
Speaker 2:I love that because you're absolutely right. Everything you just said to a T is certain truth. If you feel like you heard everything that Aaron just mentioned and you go, well, I can't do that with the people that I run with, then you're not in a group of men, you're in a group of boys. You need to figure out who you're running with. Your alignments are far more important than you can even conceptualize. So if you're missing these, there are voids in your relationship. I can't go toe to toe with my man, with my guys. I can't have that type of conflict with my guys. I can't go deep with conversations. Well, you're not. You're not in a sphere that you need to be in. You need to figure out who you're running with. Get around other men that have at least a piece of what you think that you want, and build relationship with those guys.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, and the and piece of that is or you're withholding who you are and you're not the catalyst that helps to bring them forward. And so if you're listening to this podcast and you're hanging around a bunch of knuckleheads we've all been knuckleheads at different seasons in our life, by the way, and it took an older, more mature, wise man that stepped forward in vulnerability, intimacy and actually modeled the way. So maybe you're the catalyst in that group to actually practice the behaviors with other men, practice intimacy, and the way you do intimacy with another man is through doing hard things. I think that's the shortest, fastest, most effective way it is.
Speaker 2:It comes through two things. Aaron and I teach this all the time is through shared experiences and conflict. Say that again, If you want to build intimacy with another man, it comes through two avenues shared experiences and conflict.
Speaker 2:It takes them both, and so I love that. Aaron and I are actually part of several different groups of men, but one in particular that we're a part of is our men of light. We're part of a book group that meets. We read through personal development and spiritual development type groups. We do these experiences together. Uh, we have very in-depth emotional and intellectual conversations, lots of dialogue together. But one thing that we do at the start of every book is we'll either we'll ice bath together and then pray over one another. So you have personal prayer. But recently, on the book that we're on, we decided to shake it up a little bit and in the freezing weather and in sub 40 degree water, we decided to go for a swim as a group at five o'clock in the morning, pitch black at a pond lake in Prosper.
Speaker 1:And just so everyone knows, I swim like a rock and so when this challenge for the new book came up, there was a lot of fear, there was a lot of hesitation, because I'm like, okay, we're going to swim across the lake. Like, how deep is the lake? Is it A like, are there going to be floaties? I did ask if there's going to be floaties because I didn't want to be the guy that was going to be going down on the ship. Thankfully I didn't and I wasn't.
Speaker 1:There was another one of our men in the group and this is actually a really cool opportunity of vulnerability and intimacy A very strong powerhouse of man struggled and asked for help on the swim and had to be supported. And so, inside of the conflict and the challenge and doing something difficult together, the men actually got to come around and support this dude who was struggling. I was struggling silently in it because I saw him struggling. I was like there can't be two of us struggling because they can really probably only save one of us. But that was a hard challenge that we as men did together and we bonded through the experience. It created connection, it created intimacy, allowed us to see each other at our best and our highest, and it's just one perfect example of doing hard things builds intimacy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we had to seek it. We had to create that opportunity. We created teachable moments and moments for us to be closer attached and more connected with one another by seeking those hard things. And you're right, it wasn't easy. The swim might have been a little easier for a few of the men, but several men struggled. And to see the fear of another man who literally thought his back was seizing, he was, he was um, he had muscles in his body that were that were cramping up, cramping up, and he's, you know, a hundred plus yards from the shoreline. Nobody knew how deep deep that that pond or lake was. We just knew we had to get back to the shore. And it was one of those that if we had to choke him out and get him unconscious, to pull him back, we were willing to do that.
Speaker 2:But just as a man to be that vulnerable, I will die if I don't get it together. But I also know I'm surrounded by 15 other men that have my back and we're going to do this together. It's a foxhole type relationship and we'll touch on this a little bit later as far as the types of friendships that we can cultivate. But that's a foxhole type relationship. You're doing something hard. There's certainly danger attached to it and also within our book group we've experienced a lot of intimacy and dialogue, so we've shared parts of ourselves that maybe the rest of the world doesn't get to get. So, choosing those things together, we have built relationships that live outside the walls of that group. We do life together now and it's a beautiful picture of how it can be done. It's not very difficult. You just have to find another man that wants what you want and build something like that together.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Have the dialogue and choose the hard things together and if it takes a swim, get out and scare yourself at five o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1:Bring floaties. There's a there's a quote that we used to teach on at the project. So the project for those of you guys that have been following the content for any amount of time 75 hour personal development experience bootcamp for men and it develops intimacy inside of a brotherhood and there's a quote that we share during that, and you probably heard before, that blood is thicker than water and if you look at actually the root of this, it's the. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. So the water of the womb you came from your mother's womb and that represents the familial ties, like that's the closeness that you have. But the chosen blood covenant, where you shed blood with another man, on the battlefield, in business, at the lake, in the pond, that is a deeper level of connection, intimacy, because you're literally shedding scars, pain, suffering, misery, struggle, and you have to link up arm and arm, side by side. This is why so many men that join the military develop deep, lasting intimate bonds with other men because they've got a shared mission.
Speaker 2:They're struggling together and it's the blood of the covenant.
Speaker 2:That'll shake up a lot of people. They think, oh, my family is the people I came from and my mother, my father, my siblings, et cetera and that is your family of origin. But if you look at the family that you run with, that is actually cultivated and built by behavior. Who's running in the same direction I'm running in, who has the same desires to grow the way that I want to grow, who has a picture of a future reality that they want that I can latch on to, that we can go and take this mountain together. Family is not just who you came from. Your family is who you decide to run your life with.
Speaker 1:I love that, and that's step two of this is you have to build intimacy with another man, with a tribe. Be authentic, understand what your needs are, what value you bring to the table. That's through step one of self-awareness and self-discovery. Step two is doing hard things with a brother, realizing that when you choose to step into the battlefield with another man, you're going to struggle, suffer and bleed together and in that process you have the opportunity to develop intimacy.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful, so beautiful. So intimacy is bred out of knowing, understanding and presence. Knowing and presence, talking about knowing yourself, allowing others to intimately know who you are, that those parts of yourself that you hid in the back closet, that you don't want anyone to know, about the skeletons, exposing those to another man and letting him, giving him the opportunity to continue to choose you, is a beautiful thing. And then also presence. Presence is very difficult for men, just generally speaking, we can often think that relationship is built by proximity, which is a lie. So kick that out of your head. Presence is not proximity. Presence is being eye to eye, belly to belly, spending time together and experiences, having dialogue, going deep. That's presence, and we often miss that with our friendships. We definitely miss that with our romantic partners, our spouses and, my goodness, do we miss that with our children. Proximity is not presence. So being with somebody and being on your phone is proximity it is not presence.
Speaker 2:Being on the couch watching a game with another bro, that's proximity, that's not presence. You have to create presence in your life. Put the tech away, get belly to belly, have experiences together, have dialogue together that actually have meaning to them. Nobody cares about the Cowboys, honestly, unless you have stake in the company and you're making money from them, you're just a bystander. They're not your team. So quit wasting your time with it. Be present with another man so you can learn to be present with your spouse, so that you can learn to be present with your children.
Speaker 1:So good, so good, all right, we're moving on to the third step in this intimacy building and we're now going to touch on and talk on the lust, trust and desire because that is, I think, a driving force in so many men is how do I create more intimacy and connection with my romantic partner? So, again, to recap for you because this Garrett says it so wonderfully, every week, but men have to be told things many times, and so one begins with you. You have to develop self-intimacy, self-awareness through the process of self-discovery. Second, you have to develop intimacy with another band of brothers, a friend, a fellow man, on the process and the journey, suffer, struggle and bleed together through knowing and presence. Think about doing anything hard. It creates massive presence and you're going to learn so much about yourself and the guys that are in the trenches with you. There's a quote, actually, before we leave this section, that I want you to touch on.
Speaker 2:Facebook and Foxhole. Yes, so this is a message that I downloaded while I was on a run several years ago, and it was because I needed this in my life at that moment. I just I attribute the Holy spirit for gifting me this thought process. But there's two types of friendships that we can experience in this life. There's a Facebook friendship. There's a Foxhole friendship. Most every relationship I had with men at my life at that junction in my life was Facebook type friendships.
Speaker 2:I knew your name Thanks to Facebook. I know your birthday and maybe we did a few things together, but you knew nothing about me because I didn't share anything without you about myself, and I knew nothing about you because we hadn't done in real life together. Versus a foxhole friendship is someone where we lean in. Together we're parts of men's groups. Together We've had dialogue. You understand the things I'm struggling with. I've exposed my vulnerabilities to you. I've said, hey, listen on these social platforms. When I'm on them, I'm exposed to these things and I really like to click the button. So hey, here's my login and password. Check in on me.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I give you full authority to call me, ask me how my sex life is, ask me how my finances are, ask me the tough questions that most men are afraid to have. So I give you permission, I invite you into the parts of my home. I'll tell, I'll say it this way I invite you in the parts of my home, which is my being, that I don't expose to the whole world, but I give you full access to it. One because I trust you and two, because I want to build that, I want to cultivate that within our relationship. So, like even Aaron, like I share my GPS with you. That's one. One Even Aaron, like I share my GPS with you. That's one of many things I do with you that creates an intimacy with us. That's good. One, I have nothing to hide. But two, I want you to be able to look at that and go yo, bro, like you're not usually over in this area, what are you doing over there? And call me on it. It's a small way to build intimacy with a man.
Speaker 1:I love that so good. So many intimate relationships and having ran with a lot of groups of guys intimacy. What you see is often conflict avoidance, where another guy in the group is doing something out of integrity or that is non-authentic and the guys are just like don't ask, don't tell, and you know. The problem with that is that you don't give the opportunity to call the man forward and really develop true, authentic intimacy in that relationship. It's huge Love that Most men miss it. Okay, let's hop to number three. How do we build it? How do we build?
Speaker 2:it with our romantic partner. So romantic partner and I'll say romantic partner, but hear my voice when I say this works in your friendships as well. But intimacy is built again through ruptures and repairs. So you've got to allow conflict in your relationship. You've got to have the conversations that are difficult. You've got to go through experiences that may be painful for you and that can create what's called a rupture in your relationship the feeling of something's not going right, something doesn't feel right for us having those conversations and not avoiding them, and that comes through a repair of. We've got to face this thing together and so understand that intimacy is built through shared experiences and conflict Conflict is understanding what ruptures are and being quick to do repair of that what ruptures are and being quick to do repair of that.
Speaker 1:So when we talk about the romantic relationship, the relationship with your partner, your spouse, your wife and men are wanting to develop intimacy, first they have to be able to face the conflict and that's that's the rupture and then quickly repair it. And we've got several other episodes talking about conflict resolution and better communication. So go back and listen to those. But I think also an important piece on this if you don't do step one and step two, which is the self-discovery and self-intimacy, you don't have a tribe with other men where you can truly be open, honest, transparent and vulnerable, what ends up happening?
Speaker 1:If your only intimate relationship is that with your woman, what ends up happening is there's emotional dumping. There is. That's the only spot where you can be emotionally vulnerable. It can create intense, more conflict, because what you're doing is you're giving her a burden that's not hers to carry, which will and I know you're going to speak on this but it's going to shift her into her masculine, to a safety and security where she is going to try and protect and or solve your problems, rather than you having a solution with a tribe to work through your own stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you said that really well.
Speaker 2:I'll regurgitate some of it, but you said that really well is that so often men don't cultivate intimate relationships with other men and so the only real close relationships that they have outside of their mothers is the romantic partner.
Speaker 2:And when life happens because it happens to all of us that we run to our spouse, our woman, a romantic partner, and we let them know all the ins and the outs, the woes and the fears of what's going on, and all that does is trigger within the woman because her number one need, as you said, is safety and security period All of a sudden she sees her man fall apart in front of her. And I'm not saying that women can't be privy to what's going on in our lives, but if you're going to dump like that, if you need to expose these difficulties, these fears, these things that are happening, it needs to be done with a man, because men are masculine. They can carry that for you, they can hear what's going on and they can even give you direction and feedback, if that's something that you're wanting in that moment. That's not designed for a woman a woman's need is security and safety.
Speaker 2:So share with her, but also don't exceed, because we're non-verbally expecting our woman to show up for us at our most vulnerable moments. Yeah, it's not designed for her, yeah, designed for another man to carry. So you've got to be close enough with other men, or at least one other man, to be exposed these moments so you can go toe-to-toe with them and Just like the swim when you feel like, oh man, I'm drowning, that you're not dragging your spouse down with you so good.
Speaker 2:You're allowing another man to swim up next to you and say listen, bro, I got you and if you go under, I'm going to choke you out and get you to shore, but you're going to live. It's designed for a man.
Speaker 1:Think about the um in different seasons in my life. I think about the one thing that destroyed intimacy is not having that group of men and where the relationship then becomes a burden and it becomes the, the type of place where a I'm looking for intimacy, like we're all seeking and that's the truth of matters like every one of us is seeking intimacy. But if you're only seeking intimate intimacy in your romantic relationship, that becomes the container and you're you're honestly you're limiting, limiting potential, potential by not allowing you to grow as a man outside of it. So I think about in those seasons where you literally shift your partner, this feminine beautiful flower, into a problem solving masculine that is not only trying to fix your stuff like a mother, but also having to self-protect and create own safety and security on her side. And so if you guys are struggling in intimacy in your relationship, more than likely it's because you're struggling in intimacy in your relationships with men.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's the quickest way to shift the polarity of your relationship.
Speaker 2:A woman's designed to be feminine and a man is designed to be masculine and, like I said, when we allow that to happen the dumping of our circumstances on a woman we again are non-verbally shifting the polarity. We are asking her, without asking her, to step in and carry weight in the area that she does need to carry weight in she's feminine. She's designed to be beautiful and support us and all these other things that women are designed to be and all these other things that women are designed to be, and we're sabotaging our relationships. And not that polarity can't be shifted back, because I've certainly watched it happen, we've certainly helped people walk through that, but it's very difficult.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's very difficult, when you sweep the rug out from underneath a woman to ask her to come back and trust you again. It's very difficult. Trust is earned in droplets and lost in buckets, so good. And so many men experienced this by by verbally and situationally dumping on a woman and they you're asking to carry weight that they literally can't carry, so good, so good.
Speaker 1:I love that. Okay, so let's recap this for the guys. So begins with you, as all things do. If you don't grow, nothing else grows. If you don't change, nothing else changed.
Speaker 1:Your first step is self-awareness and self-discovery. Learn what authentically drives you, who you really are, what your purpose is, convictions are, passions, what ignites play in your life. Learn that first, because when you learn that you bring value to all relationships, step two, step into the dynamic of masculine intimacy. Do hard things with other guys that are on path on purpose, that are challenging, that will challenge you and give them permission to be intrusively accountable with your life, so that you can develop deeper intimacy and trust. Now you've got a template step one, step two cover for your romantic relationship. And remember, intimacy comes down to knowing. So you got to know yourself, you got to know your partner. You gotta know the situation surrounding and the motions and presence. And so eliminate those distractions, be fully present in the moment, accept what you need to accept, change what you can change, but more so than anything, just be present. That's huge Love it, love it.
Speaker 2:Intimacy is key. Grasp onto it and, guys, if this podcast blessed you, then subscribe, hit the like button and share with another man that you know needs to hear this. If you have a buddy in mind that you go. Man, this is really somebody I want to run with. I want them to get this concept, to share this with them. Let them understand what is needed in your relationship and you guys get after it together. Create intimacy in your relationship, not just, not just proximity. Get around one another and link up.
Speaker 1:Love it, much love, many blessings. Talk to you soon, boom.
Speaker 2:We off the podcast.
Speaker 1:Get back to the fucking mental lab.