The High Value Man Conversation

The Hawk Tuah phenomenon: Navigating Intimacy and Connection in Marriage

Erin Alejandrino & Josh Lashua Season 3 Episode 18

Can a marriage survive without intimacy? Discover how to reignite the spark and maintain a playful, romantic relationship even after years together. We'll share our personal stories of overcoming challenges like a sexless marriage and offer tangible strategies to keep the love alive.

Understand the crucial difference between sex and emotional intimacy and why a strong emotional bond is the true foundation of a satisfying relationship. We explore the pressures men face in an over-sexualized society and provide actionable advice on how to build a secure, loving environment for your partner. Learn about the importance of regular romantic gestures, maintaining personal grooming, and fostering an ongoing effort to make your partner feel cherished.

Embrace the power of trust and connection through touch. We delve into how consistent positive interactions can rebuild trust and why non-sexual touches are vital in fostering a deeper connection. From the magic of an eight-second kiss to the importance of masculine emotional availability, we cover all the bases to help you create a playful and passionate partnership. Join us as we unpack the metaphor of men as microwaves and women as crock pots, and discover how understanding these differences can lead to a more fulfilling relationship dynamic.

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Speaker 1:

Sex is good, it's the cherry on top.

Speaker 2:

When sex is bad, it's the elephant in the room, You're always like just devouring information because you know that the version of who I was yesterday is not gonna be good enough for tomorrow. And that's the same mindset you need to have as a high value man to truly create that center of safety and security for your wife, your kids, your family, your community and the world.

Speaker 1:

What happens in a relationship is the longer that we're together, men will then write off the necessity of pursuit, and that's how romance is lost, and it's our job as men to do that from the beginning all the way to the end.

Speaker 2:

And that's the gift of it is that you get to have an intimate relationship that's built on loyalty and a great foundation, where the sex is exciting.

Speaker 1:

Femininity is a lot like a flower You've got to have the right circumstance, you've got to have the right nutrients. It's got to be watered, tended for, cared for. If you ever had a garden and wanted to grow a flower. You know it's got to be nurtured and taken care of.

Speaker 2:

Women are the same way and we are talking about the woman that united the country during Pride Month. This is the High Value man Conversation Podcast, a show dedicated to the mission of building high value men. One great man means a great family, a great neighborhood, a better city, community state and the world. The question is, if not you, then who? Haktua? Spit on that thing.

Speaker 2:

He did it right out of the gate. Welcome back to the High Value man Conversation. This is episode 19. And we are talking about the woman that united the country during Pride Month, and you probably know her as the Hak Tua girl. Spit on that thing, and the topic today we're going to talk about is how do you bring Hak to a home and facilitate that type of loving, playful relationship that literally every single guy is just excited about, and also talk about a little bit of the background, on what maybe potentially brought this internet sensation to life.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, for sure, the guys, you guys are going to love this episode. Until they don't, they're going to love the idea of it, and then we're going to get into the nitty gritty of what it requires from you, and so just know that there'll be effort attached to it, but it's worth it If you're really looking for looking to, uh, have your own Hawk to a Hawk to a Hawk to a so ridiculous.

Speaker 2:

I know, I, I, I saw that video, um, and I I think we all have. I think the entire world has seen that video and you're like, man, that's like, that's pretty hot and she's a sweet, attractive. She got that Southern twang going on, but there's something about just the playfulness that she brought to a sexual act that I think is so exciting. Not necessarily the you know what it alludes to. I mean, she's very specific what the topic is, but I think just the playfulness and the excitement, that level of vulnerability, honesty and fun that can show up inside the bedroom when you have a loving, intimate relationship, that's exactly it. It's the playfulness, yeah, it's the playfulness 100%. And we're going to give you guys a formula here, because playfulness is a byproduct of what you get to create as a man. It doesn't just show up, byproduct of what you get to create as a man. It doesn't just show up.

Speaker 2:

And the one thing I do want to speak on to this is you know, we all want that playfulness in the bedroom and we ultimately, at the end of the day, I believe, want a marriage that has that for life. And you're walking it out, you're living it out and you know having that type of intimacy, that type of sexual excitement and fun and playfulness that's built by putting in the work, and if that just shows up for you one night, during a one night stand, you're also in the back of your mind, probably having some questions how many other guys has she done this move with? And so, to foster and facilitate a long-term relationship, I believe that you really need to build it out by the two of you really coming together on it.

Speaker 1:

I love that. Yeah, you're absolutely right. So, as a guy that is walking out that does have this type of novelty, excitement and playfulness in my bedroom for years now, is that we didn't start that way.

Speaker 1:

So, even in the first year of my marriage first couple years of my marriage is we essentially lived sexless, and it was because of me. There's a bunch of story attached to that. We can go back into our own history and the shame and guilt that I had in my previous life, but what I can tell you is in 2019, something shifted for us and it was. It was really allowing Brittany, my wife, to come into her own femininity, um, in the way that I saw her, in the way that I interacted with her.

Speaker 1:

So new year's of 2019 will be in my brain for the rest of my life where there was a massive shift for us over about a 48 hour period that has, that has given us the opportunity to have the uh, I'll just say the sex life that we have now. I'll save some context for later in the conversation, but regardless of where you are as a man in your relationship, if this is something that you want and as we talked about Aaron, I believe most, if not all, men do that, regardless of what it looks like now, is that you can have it. Yeah, and my marriage is an absolute field test that it that is possible.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 2:

Well, it speaks volumes to the work that you put in and the intentionality that goes behind it and the structure that you've created and the safety and security that you've created, and those are all the foundations of what we're going to dive into safety and security that you've created, and those are all the foundations of what we're going to dive into.

Speaker 2:

But I think the one thing that the that internet sensation really leans into is that sex is designed to be playful. It's meant to be exciting and fun and ultimately, it's meant to be done with somebody that you have an intimate relationship with, that you're building that, that intimacy with. But I want to speak for just a second here to the gentlemen that are watching that are not married, not in relationship, and know that that's something they do desire and they want. But they're living in the world where we're over-sexualized, we're desensitized to sex, where, just honestly, there's porn literally everywhere and it's hard not to feel like sex is such an important thing that you need to have with a lot of people and miss out on the beauty and the benefit that you have being in a relationship where intimacy is built. And so let's take a minute, josh, and just talk about the difference between sex and intimacy, because I think they're two very different things.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and for most men, if you were to say the word intimacy and ask for definition, they immediately go to the physical act of sex, and that is not by any means what intimacy is. Intimacy is the connection between two humans. It is what the Bible calls gnosko, or knowing of another individual that I know you like, I know myself and I care for you the way that I care for myself. So knowing of a spouse or another individual in who they are, what makes them tick, what's important to them, and living a life that supports and fosters that safely, is a great way of knowing. And then sex becomes then a byproduct of that, versus. If sex is the focal point, then you never really get the opportunity to build the true relationship.

Speaker 1:

And a sexual relationship without foundation as many of us have all experienced probably countless painful times is that it comes and goes like the wind and it's empty and painful, versus having the time taken to build a true relationship with your partner, with your spouse, first. Then sex becomes the whipped cream and cherry on top, and so research talks about this is that when sex is good in a marriage, it can account for up to 15% of the overall marital satisfaction. When sex is not good in a relationship. It can account for up to 85% of the overall relational dissatisfaction. So when sex is good, it's the cherry on top. When sex is bad, it's the elephant in the room. So, as men, we've got to get a grasp on how do we create and foster a relationship with how we live our lives with our wives, so that they have the ability and the freedom to be the hawk tool for us.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's good and I think it leans a lot into, obviously, how we show up as men. First and foremost, if you want the true high value woman that is loyal to you, that is committed to the relationship, that is a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets, usher.

Speaker 1:

Some preacher said that one day yeah, some preacher.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, then you have to be able to be the man actually creates that safety, security, that consistency, that structure, uh, and also treats sex as an art rather than as just an act. And you know that goes into understanding the flirtation, uh, the tension, the positive emotional tension to get a build, the seduction that you get to lean into. All of these things go into play and it's something that you as a man need to lead. And if you are, let's say, having PG relationship, sex and you want to get to that Hawk, to a level, there's also the domain of where you get to lead that too, and that all builds on the structure, the safety, security and really taking, taking, taking the lead inside of the romantic role.

Speaker 1:

That's it and you said it. With romance, romance is the biggest key to having that type of relationship with your partner, with your spouse, and we've all had a relationship when it begins the person. So so pursuit in the beginning, relationship comes very easy because, you're excited, Things are new. You want to get to know somebody. You're making phone calls, sending text messages, scheduling dates, making sure your hair is done and you look nice before you go out Spraying on the cologne. Doing things like that.

Speaker 1:

Making sure your car is clean, maybe even show up with flowers. There's a high level of pursuit.

Speaker 2:

You shaved your balls. That's important. I saw an opportunity because we were talking about this offline Full send. Yeah, we talked about this offline Full send. Yeah, we talked about this offline is that you know the effort you put into in the beginning part of the relationship. You are manicured, you're in shape it's probably the best shape you've ever been in because you know you need to actually compete with the other guys outside the domain and so you see your prize. You're going to put in the effort and you're at your best and then sometime during the relationship you turn that fat, hairy slob and what you got and then you expect the hawk to a like bedroom action when you look like chewbacca.

Speaker 1:

Well, even you just want your woman to want you yeah yet. Yet you look like a ball of wool. It's good, yeah, like you need. You need to quit skipping. Core day uh-huh, just like when you were dating is. Do some physical activity, get yourself in shape, keep yourself cleaned up, wear attractive type clothes Good, put on some deodorant and maybe do your hair and see if she doesn't look at you a little different.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, take pride in yourself and watch what happens Exactly. Yeah, sorry, I interrupted you there. No, I just wanted to throw it in there.

Speaker 1:

Shave your balls. Yeah, you got it. I'm not even sure. In the beginning of a relationship, pursuit comes very easy, because it's exciting. What happens in a relationship is the longer that we're together, men will then write off the necessity of pursuit, and that's how romance is lost. If you want to have a woman who is hard after your bones, then you have to create romance. Romance is literally just pursuit. Pursuit is two things it's awareness and effort. That's good. You've got to be aware of your woman, which means, as time goes by and she evolves, what she likes, what she doesn't like, who she is will also be changing. So you've got to be aware of what makes her tick. At the same time, be able to put massive effort behind those things, like you did when you were dating.

Speaker 1:

So if you're willing to commit to doing that long-term, then I would I would bet my chips that you're going to have a great romantic and sexual relationship. It's when we go to, we focus other places and expect to have the same outcomes that we set ourselves up for failure.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's good. And if romance doesn't exist, the safety, security, the pursuit that your woman desires and needs, if that's not in place, the playfulness and the excitement and the femininity that we want and desire. That we all saw. When I think her name is Haley Huk to a girl I have no idea, yeah, she just started a podcast channel, so I believe it's Haley but the playfulness that we saw in that, that like, excites us as men, that's not going to be there, because she desires the romance, the playfulness, the excitement, I'm sorry, the structure inside of the pursuit. It's our job as men to do that from the beginning, all the way to the end, and that's the gift of it is that you get to have an intimate relationship that's built on loyalty and a great foundation, where the sex is exciting. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

If that's something that you want, you've got to be willing to put in the effort.

Speaker 2:

Who doesn't?

Speaker 1:

want that. Who doesn't want that? I think every man wants that. That's the whole point of today's conversation.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

But one of the overarching highlights of our conversation today is playfulness. How do we integrate and create playfulness within our relationship with our spouses, and how do we do that long-term?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's good.

Speaker 1:

Again, it's very easy in the beginning, but the longer you get in your relationship, the more aware you've got to be in who you are and how you're being and also the amount of effort that you're giving. Yeah, because the playfulness is a great barometer of where you are with her. So if she's not playful at all, it's probably because you're sucking your masculinity. Oh, masculinity, just in complete honesty. Either you're a passive man and you're not standing in your own masculinity, maybe you're not physically taking care of yourself and you look like Jabba the Hutt. I hope that's not offensive. But at the same time, I don't care. It's the second Star Wars reference on this, chewbacca and Jabba the Hutt. If I say that and that offends you, that means you know I'm talking to you. So do something about it. And then also, being aware enough to continue to pursue our spouses as the years go by will help produce for us this type of playfulness in the bedroom.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so the playfulness is really what we want to land the plane on is. We all desire to have that in our partner. We want her to be feminine, we want her to be exciting, we want her to be willing and to create that space where you can actually have that novelty in the relationship. That's what we desire as men, and so what Josh is saying is there's some work that we have to do as men, because playfulness is a byproduct of the structure that masculinity creates, it's true. So masculinity this is from a book that we've read, that I know that we've referenced in the podcast before Masculine Relationship. It does a great job of giving the foundations for what healthy masculinity is, and that is structure, safety and security. And what's the one I'm missing?

Speaker 1:

Structure, safety, security and it's really it's emotional.

Speaker 2:

Respond versus react right.

Speaker 1:

Respond versus react. Really it's emotional security.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, emotional equanimity. So you can't fly off the handle, you're not losing your temper, you're not yelling at the kids, you're emotionally neutral, and so you're able to maintain that level of emotional groundedness.

Speaker 1:

I would say emotionally neutral. You're at least emotionally alive, emotionally alive, right, you've got more than three emotions Happy, sad, hungry, there you go. So half your brain, half of all of our brains, are emotion-based. So if you've only got a few words to explain your emotions, than you're being a toddler. It's time to learn a little bit more about yourself. So being emotionally available to our to our wives, to our spouses, and being able to have those connections is really, really important.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

More so to her than you, but if this is something that you want, you've got to be willing to do the work on yourself.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's good. So the structure in your masculine frame creates the foundation. I put some notes here because I'll do a little diagram on this, but that creates the foundation for femininity. Femininity is ultimately what we want, where the playfulness lives.

Speaker 1:

Yes, so I said this way that masculinity is the breeding ground for femininity, polar opposites, just like the way the earth works.

Speaker 2:

Ying and yang.

Speaker 1:

Ying and yang. So you've got to be really solid in your masculinity if you want to create space for your woman to be really solid in her femininity. A safe, feminine woman who's allowed to be fully feminine is where playfulness comes from. Yes, and that's what we want in our lives. We have to realize there's a hierarchy that we work through.

Speaker 1:

Guess what? That starts with you. It starts with your masculinity. It starts with you understanding what structure is in your home. It starts with you taking care of yourself. It starts with you with your own emotional equanimity showing up and being predictable, that whatever happens in the world, whatever happens in the home, isn't going to shake you. You're not going to run to the bar and have a drink just because it was such a hard day. You're not going to fly off the handle and hurt the kids just because you're frustrated with yourself. Or you're not going to come home and completely disconnect and go lay on the couch and watch football because you just had so much going on today you got nothing left to give. So that's creating structure and being emotionally available to her. So if you can own your masculinity, you then give her not just permission but opportunity to own her femininity, which is beautiful. Femininity is a lot like a flower, as in you've got to have the right circumstance, you've got to have the right nutrients. It's got to be water, tended for, cared for.

Speaker 2:

If you ever had a garden.

Speaker 1:

if you ever had a garden and wanted to grow a flower, you know it's got to be nurtured and taken care of. Women are the same way, so your masculinity creates that opportunity for her to be feminine.

Speaker 2:

And again, that's where the playfulness and the sexy, the sexiness comes from. Yeah, that's good, I'd say. Also, too, we haven't touched on too, is if you want to grow in your, in your sexual excitement and bring some new things in the bedroom, you need to have a foundation of safety and security, because that is going to require communication. You're going to have to be able to ask for what you want and actually have good, healthy communication inside of your relationship dynamic so that you can explore those new territories. And all of that comes back to those structure pieces we just talked about is being able to be responsive, not reactive, have safety and security, be able to lead, take charge and actually show the way. But all that requires intimacy like real, foundational intimacy and closeness rather than just sex.

Speaker 1:

Exactly.

Speaker 2:

Exactly.

Speaker 1:

Something I noted that I want to make sure that we give to the guys is is what sex is utilized for by each of each of the sexes, and that men use sex to feel respected and for connection. Women give sex when they feel secure and connected and significant. That's good, so we're both working towards the same goals, but men and women go about it differently. Men use sex to feel connected and respected. Women give sex when they feel secure and connected. So it's a great aspect and good learning point for men, because often we feel like if we're making any sort of progress or wins in ourself let's say it this way like I go to work, I pay the bills, I pay the mortgage.

Speaker 1:

Whatever you think that you do to produce is amateur. Everyone's doing it. Congratulations, you have a place to live. I'm happy for you. But what you want to do is to go beyond that is in order to feel respected and to to have the sex. That you want is to go beyond that and begin to meet her needs and safety and connection, and she'll meet you back in the same spot.

Speaker 2:

And this is, um you know, you've said this before um, trust is gained in droplets and lost in buckets, and so I think, uh, you know, a good point on this is like, well, man, I've been good for a couple of weeks and I'm meeting her needs and doing date night and rubbing her feet and all that stuff. Well, if you have breached her trust in any capacity, and or if you have been a Chewbacca or Jabba the Hutt and you are just now turning your life around, you need to rebuild that, and it's going to take time because she's looking at through the lens of safety and security primarily, and so it may take time to rebuild, but if you're in it for the long haul, then you're going to be invested into the work.

Speaker 1:

It's very true and even research leans on that every, every negative interaction that you have with your spouse or partner requires between 7 to 11 positives. So if you have multiple negatives in a row, multiple arguments, multiple conflicts, multiple for every single occurrence of a negative interaction, you now need to have between 7 and 11, we'll just say seven for the sake of simplicity seven positive interactions that are non-sexual, in order to put another droplet back in your bucket. So if you poured your bucket of trust out, you're not going to get it filled back in, probably in a week or months, whatever it may be for you, whatever you did to get in the doghouse we'll call it that way but you also need to be very aware of the positive interactions that you're having to create security. So for every seven, you get a droplet. Every seven, you get a droplet. If you have a negative, you just poured your bucket out again. So how many times again? We say this all the time, but how many laps are you going to take?

Speaker 1:

How many times are you going to pour out your bucket? Continue to be consistent in the positive things.

Speaker 2:

That's good and that consistency really comes down to I think we could summarize this is proper self-care as a man and like really prioritizing what it means to be a high value man. So you prioritize your faith. You've got some type of practice that is, you know, focused on devoting your life to service to a greater cause than your own life. You are prioritizing your fitness. You look good, take care of your body, you can actually protect, provide, you can stand in the gap, you can take the groceries in the house and you don't get winded walking up a flight of stairs. So you prioritize your fitness. You prioritize your family. Family meetings, family core values, created some structure for the entire family. But your kids respect you, your wife respects you because you're consistent inside the household and your finances.

Speaker 2:

You make money in the marketplace and if you don't make the money that you know that you should, you develop new skill sets. You learn new things. One thing I'll lean into and compliment you on, man, is you are constantly gaining new information. You're always like just devouring information because you know that the version who I was yesterday is not going to be good enough for tomorrow. And that's the same mindset you need to have and, as a high value man, to truly create that center of safety and security for your wife, your kids, your family, your community in the world. And so the structure that we're going to lay out for you guys is be the high value man If you truly want to have a woman that is hawk to and spinning on that thing and it just enjoying like the excitement and the playfulness, the playfulness of femininity, and that's really what it is.

Speaker 2:

You know what she, what she broadcast across the internet that, uh, united so many men is playfulness, playfulness and passion and just a general excitement and fun. Like. What guy doesn't want that in his romantic relationship? We all do, we all do so here.

Speaker 1:

So let's let's dive into the house. We kind of explained the why we all want it. We kind of highlighted what it is that we want being the playfulness. Well, how do we do it? I already talked about non-sexual touches, but I'll talk about it again. Is that most men because I spend as much time as I do coaching with couples is that we experience this all the time.

Speaker 1:

Most men don't touch their wives unless it's for sex. So in the beginning of the relationship you typically holding hands, a lot of hugging and lower back hand placements, things like that. Women desire to have those types of interactions. Typically, as men get married and time goes on, as those quit happening, we quit pursuing in a non-sexual way. A great way to reinstall that in your relationship is to be aware of it and not that smacking a booty every time you walk past. It is bad because I do it and so I can't tell someone else not to do it, but it is fun. But to be aware of touching your wife or your partner more often in non-sexual ways so that you're not training her unconsciously that every time you touch me it's because you want sex.

Speaker 2:

That's good.

Speaker 1:

Then it becomes about your release and it's less about her connection. She's got to have the connection, so making sure you have non-sexual touches throughout the day is a great way to crock pot your girl. Men are microwaves.

Speaker 2:

Women are crock pots. So good, go deeper on that, because that's so simple. But profound.

Speaker 1:

So so pretty simple. Guys are simple, we all know this. We're microwaves. We can go from zero to a hundred in the amount of time it takes to type it in and press start, which means we go from normal to horny and ready in a moment. Women are not that way right, we actually. So women are crockpots. Um, crockpot means you've got to be putting in the right ingredients. You've got to be secure in who you are, showing up day to day doing the same things, being predictable, being masculine and owning your role within the house, providing being strong in the four areas that we talk about in High Value, ma'am, that is the ingredients that go in and then, like the loving text messages through the day or the call that says hey, I just want you to know I'm thinking about you.

Speaker 1:

You're a hottie. I can't wait to kiss you later. You slow cook those things so that when she is ready to interact with you, you've got this crock pot type meal and not the I forget what they're called not the hungry man quick microwave thing, that you throw in and bake for 30 seconds the bachelor meals, the bachelor meals.

Speaker 1:

But no, that's just it. Just understanding that you're, as a man, you're a microwave, she's a crockpot. You have to approach her differently. Another way to do that is that we do in our house this is all research-based. You hear me say this often, man, that I'll say this is based on research. That doesn't mean I don't do it. I would just rather you know it's based on research versus it's my opinion that it's just working in my home. So I say this way research talks about, uh, the power of an eight second kiss. Right, Eight second kiss doesn't lead anywhere.

Speaker 1:

But for all of us who've been in long-term relationships you've been married a while how often are you still making out? It's good, Right? Uh, I'll gladly say. My wife and I make out every day. It's because we want to. But where did that start? It starts as an eight second kiss. So this is one of my favorite pieces of homework to give men, because it throws most women into a good fan. So, as you're passing your wife, just randomly push her up against the wall in your house and lay on her an eight second kiss, a good eight second kiss and then don't say a word and walk off like big poppy.

Speaker 2:

Bam mic drop.

Speaker 1:

Boom. Try that. If you're willing to do that every day for a week, see what starts to shift in her and you'll see a sparkle come back alive. You'll start to see a spark come back in her. It's her maybe even chasing you down. These are parts of pursuit that men lose in long-term relationships. So eight second kiss is one of my favorites. That's good.

Speaker 1:

We already talked about masculinity and how important it is. You can't, you're never going to have a classy woman that's feminine and playful if you're not owning your masculine role. So good. So masculinity is is these things that we highlighted. So it's structure. We've got to have structure. We've got to create security and we've also got to be emotionally available. Those are three things that you've got to own.

Speaker 1:

Great resource that Aaron mentioned to go and learn more about that, or you can continue to listen and follow here to hear more about that anyway. But again, masculinity is the breeding ground of femininity. Femininity fosters playfulness. So if you want that, hop to a playfulness. Here's the roadmap to get there. Here's the roadmap to get there. Here's the roadmap to get there. And another how-to. Aaron already mentioned it take care of yourself. So good, don't be a slob. Follow Aaron, watch his videos. Let him challenge you. Do the things that he tells you to do on a regular basis. This guy moves his body every single day. He eats well, he's well-groomed, and this is a part of him being as attractive as he is in the dating market, which you currently are, but that's what makes you attractive. That's a piece of what makes you attractive. It also we're also. We also learned that the thing is not about the thing, but everything's about everything.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, how I take care of myself is how I'm going to take care of it. It's how you live your entire life.

Speaker 2:

Your house is in order, your finances are in order, but your body's in order, so that's just a great place for men to start is taking care of themselves, and that leads so much more into, I think, the self-confidence that you create through having positive self-care and being able to look in the mirror and be proud of what you see, and confidence, know that you can lift away, run the miles like go, choke somebody out. All of that leads into the art of seduction, playfulness, flirtation, sexuality, which is again exactly what we want inside. You know the excitement of a bedroom, so you, you lead in that domain as men, and so I think that you're going to show up as a caveman is not, it's not going to work, it just doesn't work.

Speaker 1:

And so if you want the playfulness of the huck to a girl, you have to be the man that is willing to facilitate and create that relationship For sure, completely, completely. One of the last points that I have is to be predictable with some spontaneity. That's good we kind of talked about that earlier already. But to be predictable is how we can create security with our spouse, with our partners. I would say 85 to 90% of how we live our life has to be in some sort of general order where our woman knows what to expect, knows who's going to show up when stuff hits the fan, or how you go about living your schedule. That you don't.

Speaker 1:

Here's just a random type of scenario is that you're a guy that has a history, has a past, maybe in college. You've now gotten married and have more of a secure type of general living. But every time you link back up with your college boys, there's always something negative comes out of it. You got drunk, you went to a place you need to go to, whatever it may be. That's a quick way to lose that security. So by being predictable in who you are and being consistent in that, with the little spontaneity, that I'm talking about is things like these. I'll just use some of the ones that I use in my own marriage. It's spontaneity for me is there are certain songs, aaron, that come on when.

Speaker 1:

I'm driving down the road and if it happens to be one of those songs, I will pull over immediately, pull my wife out. We're going to dance in the parking lot right there and we just dance for the length of the song and get back in the car and drive on. It's something that it's spontaneous. She's not going to know. It's coming, but it's romantic.

Speaker 1:

It's romantic, especially after being married over 10 years. People just don't do that. Another thing is just so happens that every time we go to the car wash together which is not every time, because I've mostly washed the car, but when she's with me every time we go to the car wash we make out from start to end. So from the moment we go into the tunnel to the moment we come out of the tunnel, which is a minute and a half or so, we're in there smooching. It's a great way to have romance and pursuit without actually having sex.

Speaker 1:

The eight second kiss which we talked about, walking away like big poppy, big one, try it, see if that doesn't stir her up a little bit. And then also I love this and we've probably all seen it somewhere in a movie of where the woman comes into the bedroom and there's a dress laying on the bed with a note that says be ready at seven. And for her just to be able to get ready. And you show up at your own front door dress nice with some flowers, spontaneity and playfulness. If you want playfulness, you've got to foster playfulness.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's good, that's so good. Yeah, and it all comes down to intentionality. Yeah, and if you want it, you know, rather than just swiping on social media or screen sucking, or if you're watching the porn, rather than thinking that it's outside fantasy, like, do the work to actually facilitate and create it. That's a gift from it all. Love it. Anything else you want to add?

Speaker 1:

We could talk about this for a while. I'm sure we will later, but not on this episode.

Speaker 2:

I love it guys. So the woman that's bonded us all across the country.

Speaker 1:

It'll be a.

Speaker 2:

June that we all remember. Yeah, it'll be a June that we all remember, during Pride Month and all the politics and just the stuff we're going through with the US vote coming up, but just how much fun it was to just be able to connect on something so basic and foundational and feminine, and that's the energy we ultimately want with our partners. The Hak Tua girl Spit on that thing, goodness, and how to bring it home. It ultimately comes down to you being the man leading, taking charge and setting the tone and taking lead and being the example that is actually worth following. Be I value man. That's how you get it. Boom, much love, many blessings. Talk to you guys soon we off the podcast.

Speaker 1:

Get back to the fucking mental lab.