The High Value Man Conversation
The High Value Man gets what he wants from WOMEN, WORK AND THE WORLD OF MEN. He's confident, charismatic, creative and collaborative and it all begins with High Value Conversations. Have a listen to this weeks High Value Conversation.
Hosted By:
Erin Alejandrino & Josh Lashua
The High Value Man Conversation
Embracing Polarity: A New Perspective on Masculine and Feminine Dynamics
Have you ever wondered how understanding masculine and feminine energies can transform your relationships? Tune in as we explore the nuanced dynamics of these energies and their crucial role in fostering connection and harmony, especially during conflicts. This episode promises to reframe your perspective on masculinity and femininity, challenging the toxic stereotypes and emphasizing the importance of polarity for greater intimacy and personal growth.
We delve into the distinct qualities that define masculine and feminine energies—logic and ambition versus intuition and collaboration—and how these traits impact our relationships and personal development. By reflecting on our upbringing and societal influences, we can understand why women often adopt dominant, masculine roles and how men can cultivate healthy masculine traits to bring balance. We discuss practical steps like family meetings and financial dates that can help reintegrate vision and structure into family dynamics, enabling everyone to thrive.
Join us as we share compelling stories and actionable insights on creating structure, having a vision, and taking leadership in your relationships. Learn how to listen to and value your partner's insights, and discover the power of community in personal growth. Whether you're looking to lead your family more effectively or reclaim your masculine leadership, this episode offers a treasure trove of wisdom and practical advice to help you achieve a more peaceful and fulfilling existence.
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I think most couples, if not all couples, traverse this path where they're having conflict, they're butting heads, they're not coming to an agreement. As you look into those moments and a lot of you listening to this are now thinking of those moments or maybe you're in the middle of one of those moments where you go man this masculinity and femininity thing. Okay, I'm trying to understand it, but how does that make sense to me right now? If you want to be a masculine man, you have to know who you are. You have to allow yourself to turn towards your feelings in the midst of those circumstances and then integrate them. Integrate them means you take them in. They're no longer a hurdle for you. Now you can actually move forward in your life.
Speaker 2:In order for you to lead, you have to lead yourself first, and so self-leadership comes down to the principles that we teach inside of HBM, which is have vision. Second part operate from core values and not your emotions, and stack consistent victories so you build your confidence and your competence and take on greater challenges. Vision, values, victories. If you don't know where you're going, how can you expect your wife to have any type of comfort or safety or security that you know where you're leading her? And so the vision is the most important part. This is the High Value man Conversation Podcast, a show dedicated to the mission of building high value men. One great man means a great family, a great neighborhood, a better city, community state and the world. The question I think we have heard so much about on social media the idea that there's toxic qualities about masculinity, I think, or that masculinity is just toxic in itself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, masculine is toxic in itself, lacks this, um, the relationships that have constant conflict with no resolution or greater connection, lacks this, and I think that most problems we're facing, even in the political climate, lacks this in some capacity. We're talking about polarity, masculine and feminine polarity. Understanding the dynamic, the balance, the need for there to be an equal and opposite part that creates connection is what masculine, feminine polarity is all about, and we're we're excited about this topic because we're going to dive deep into it. We had this conversation in our men's group this morning, got some great dialogue, and so Josh and I are going to go a little bit deeper into the content, but understanding that there is always a balance between masculine and feminine energy, and you have both.
Speaker 1:as a man, there's absolutely necessity to have both and to foster a space for both, to be aware of both and to understand the strengths that are required from both. So polarity is easy If you think about in the context of this world. We have a North pole, a South Pole. We've all at some point, as children, played with magnets. There's a positive magnet and a negative magnet. You put those two together and they rush towards one another and fit perfectly and will hold Versus. You put a positive to a positive or a negative to a negative, and not only do they push together but they push away. You can't bring them together. And so masculine and feminine energies and polarities and spirits work exactly the same way.
Speaker 1:And they operate in every area of our life, and especially inside of a romantic relationships, and so we've got to be aware of them, we've got to understand what they mean, what they are, and then also have the tools to make space to foster both of them, because if they don't have the opportunity to grow and to live within our relationship, congratulations you get to live the rest of your life on an island, love that so good.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the High Value man Conversation. This is episode 21, and we're talking about polarity masculine and feminine polarity. We're gonna jump right into this. First, let's give the listeners and viewers an idea of what polarity is. I think that's the first thing to talk about, in a little bit of context of what is polarity. The magnet is a great example of it, but how does it exist in regards to masculine and feminine, or man and woman?
Speaker 1:So we're talking about not just energies, but we're talking about ways of being. So men have a way of being in the masculinity and feminine have a way of being in their femininity. And we go through life and operate in certain ways and do certain things, probably not being consciously aware of the feminine or the masculine energies that we are in the way that we're operating. So we have to have our eyes opened to these things, to be aware of them, so that we know what to foster or what maybe needs to be put to bed. And so there is a yin and a yang between the two. How wonderful that God created man and woman, right? He said that man wasn't enough on his own, he needed a helpmate. And so he created femininity as a compliment to our masculinity. And so we go through life, like I said, in our day-to-day and tap into both our masculinity and femininity.
Speaker 1:But if we aren't aware of what we're doing, how we're being, what the processes in our mind and our heart are happening, then we don't have the ability to integrate or make space for the opposites. And so it's an absolute necessary that we as men, because we are called to lead you have to get this before you can expect your partner or your wife to get it. So you have to get it, you need to understand it, you need to foster it so that it has a chance. If you expect your, your wife or your woman to be the one that is doing the research and trying to get to understand these things so that your relationship has a chance, you already set it for failure. So, as a man, you've got to dive into this.
Speaker 2:So let's let's let's break it down. So there are very different qualities for each. So I think about masculine energy. This is not man or woman, it's literally energy. So when you think about masculine energy, this is the do, this is the logical, this is the left brain. So our brain is split up into a polarity a masculine, feminine, left brain, right brain. We've heard that.
Speaker 1:How funny is it that it's 50-50? Half your brain is logical and half your brain is emotional. Yep.
Speaker 2:And so understanding that dynamic masculine is driven. So this is the drive, this is the ambition, this is the thinking part of your being. I know most guys are problem solvers, the fixers. You know that logical left brain way of operating the world. Masculine is highly competitive, and so we think about what builds masculine relationships. It's typically some spirit of competition. I bet you can't do that, watch me do it. It's the spirit of, of competition on the masculine side from a feminine. You know the opposite, opposing also the, the complementing is the being as opposed to the doing. It's much more intuitive rather than logical. This is the feeling side, this is the right brain, this is the being as opposed to the doing. It's much more intuitive rather than logical. This is the feeling side, this is the right brain, this is the emotion, this is the creative, this is the connection and collaboration rather than competition.
Speaker 1:Yep, it's also very tender, it's present, it's more soft, it's more beautiful and creative. And so, yeah, the femininity is, I think, what truly brings. Not that it brings life into the world, but it certainly brings a lot of color and texture into our world. Absolutely so it's got to be created.
Speaker 2:As a high value man, and what we want to touch on this is your responsibility is to operate in your highest masculine self, which means you have the fluidity to be able to step between your masculine and your feminine from an energetic standpoint, to be able to step between your masculine and your feminine from an energetic standpoint, to be able to drive, lead and create a proper, structured relationship in all dynamics. And so, if you're having constant conflict with your high value woman or having conflict in the marketplace, understanding where you're defaulting to in your energies so that you can create a greater connection, greater all over outcome for what it is that you're looking for.
Speaker 1:It's beautiful because most of you that are listening to our voice right now and this is not a shot at you, this is just bringing to your awareness you are likely replicating the home that you grew up in, so you're likely replicating the father that you had or the mother that you had, or vice versa, the father you didn't have or the mother that you didn't have. So you, in some point in your life, you were influenced by a masculine or a feminine, whether it was good or not good, and you're now replicating those in your own life and in your relationship. And the great barometer, the great question that acts as a barometer for all of us, is how is that working out for you? Do you have a life that's in constant conflict? Do you have a life where you feel like you're on your own? Do you have a life that feels very difficult, or do you have a life where you know that you have favor on your life? Do you have a? Are you living out a place that others would call peaceful? Do you have um high, high value individuals in your life that want to be a part of your life, people seeking you out?
Speaker 1:A great barometer is how's that working out for you, because I know most of you. Again, it's not a shot. But most of you would say life is very hard, life is very confusing. I often feel like I'm on my own. Well, if that's you, then this completely applies to you and you got to take it in, so good. So, good.
Speaker 2:So masculine, feminine two sides of the exact same coin, understanding there's always balance between these two, and we are constantly seeking a balance and harmony in our relationships. And I love what Josh brought up in saying that you are, you're mirroring, either consciously or unconsciously, that, the relationship you're brought up in. And so we know that so many men are brought up in a household where there was either an absent or neglectful father figure. And so your first example of healthy masculinity whether he was domineering, overly controlling, maybe physically, mentally, emotionally abusive, or completely absent, like that, is going to give you a framework for attracting your partner. And so, in the domain of recognizing your attraction to your partner, the compliments of how you show up in that relationship what qualities are you bringing to the table and what qualities is your spouse bringing to the table?
Speaker 2:We were having a dialogue we're going to get into a little bit deeper about guiding and leading your masculine woman back into her femininity, which I think is a topic most men will relate to. Something we were touching on is that so many women these days it's a net effect of the poor structure in men's lives but so many women these days are driven highly ambitious, ambitious kind of that boss babe mentality where they are making decisions, they're leading teams and companies and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, if you meet that with another masculine energy, you can obviously create a lot of conflict and if you don't have a healthy way to resolve it for one of you to dance between the two energies and to have proper structured masculinity, you're going to have more problems than you're going to have solutions in your relationship.
Speaker 1:So true, and the masculine woman is more apt to attract the beta man. And so we see these women who are out in the marketplace. And again, it's not that there's anything wrong with women taking dominance in a marketplace or in a family, but at the same time, the default for both of these should be ought to be men living the majority of their life in the masculinity and having the capacity to step into femininity, and women living the majority of their life in the femininity, in their femininity and having the capacity to step into their masculinity. Where we see things go astray is where, because of her own need to create safety, security, structure and even just live a life making some sort of money, these women are doing these things on their own. So they've been forced to step into these roles, and if you're in that role long enough, it becomes a default.
Speaker 1:So we now see women who are doing really well in the marketplace or in a place where we hear on social media like women don't need men. This all comes to either there was a lack of a good or strong father in their life or the men that have been exposed to these women are feeding into that. Where they're not feeling supported structure. They're not given structure, they're not given the ability to be in their feminine, so it's not even something that they feel is available to them, and so they're being forced to step into these roles, and the longer you're in that role, the harder it is to see otherwise forced to step into these roles, and the longer you're in that role, the harder it is to see otherwise.
Speaker 1:So we now have this society that sees men, or masculinity now, as toxic or as negative. Because of how many generations well, a couple of generations now, but how many decades have women now been forced to live in this masculinity, to where they see a true masculine man and go oh, there's something up with him, he's wrong, he's toxic, he's bad, he just wants to control things like that. That all comes from a byproduct of us forcing women to live their own life, to be single, to be single moms, to provide for themselves and create structure for themselves. And so we're paying the piper. There's a price to be paid for what we've done as a society.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the balance of this is not for you to be more feminine as a man. The balance as Josh and I will dive into a little bit deeper is to have a greater degree of healthy masculine traits, which are to create an established structure. That means you got a vision, you got core values, you're operating from a plan, you're responsive and not reactive. This is your ability to meet the moment with presence rather than your trigger response or your hurt feelings or anger, irritation, and to create safety and security. That means it's up to you to elevate the conversation and elevate the leadership to a greater level of masculinity, consistently, but also have the tools to be able to know when your default qualities and your default tendencies that you either masculine and feminine are not supporting the vision that you're moving towards, and so being able to step between the two.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. And as you lean into this episode, you lean into this content you also got to be. Here's the asterisk and the warning awareness in life breeds responsibility. Awareness breeds responsibility. So you're going to become very aware of some things today with masculinity and femininity and, as you become aware of them, realize that it's now your responsibility to take action and step into them. So knowing them and understanding them is one thing, but if you don't take action, you're going to continue to replicate and get what you have. Yeah, so we've got to step into that. It. That's good All right.
Speaker 2:So we laid the framework for masculine and feminine, the two energies, the difference between left brain, right brain, the yin and the yang, the dichotomy between the two and the ability to really recognize it as two sides of the same coin. Josh, let's get into some of the mechanics of how this shows up in the relationship and some areas that our guys should be focusing on.
Speaker 1:I love that. So, to draw it again just specifically, what masculinity is. So masculinity is the logical, I think If you ever ask a man a question, if a man asks a question or responds to a question, it's typically, I think, and then X, y and Z. If you were to ask a woman the same question, she's typically going to respond, I feel, x, y and Z. If you were to ask a woman the same question, she's typically going to respond, I feel, x, y and Z. So the masculinity is the logical.
Speaker 1:The, I think, again, comes from a place of confidence, being focused, being strong. The big part here in strength is being consistent with your strength, clear vision. Again, you talked about being assertive, driven. They're high doers, masculinity is a doer. They compete and they operate out a lot out of their left side and then again just reverberating. What femininity is is the intuitive, I feel, which you mentioned. They are more generous, more nurturing, more creative, more collaborative. It's easier in the femininity to be caring and receptive, especially to change, to be grateful. They also have the ability to be. So when men get together, men get together and go do things. When women get together, they typically get together and talk. They can sit around and just talk and then go. You did nothing. No, we've had coffee and we talked for four hours. How do you even do that? Seems out of this world, but they have the ability to be, and so that's the feminine side.
Speaker 2:That's great. I think that this is the type of thing you need to hear multiple times, because I imagine the average guy, because I've been the average guy before just the idea of that I need to understand and embrace anything other than being masculine is completely foreign, and so this is something we'll come back around to a lot. I think I want to lead the conversation is now that we have an understanding. There's this polarity, this magnetic pull, and if I'm not creating connection, which is closeness and those opposite ends, and I'm creating conflict. What are some of the reasons why? What are some reasons why it's showing up in my romantic relationship?
Speaker 1:So that's such a powerful question because I think most couples, if not all couples, will at some point traverse this path where they're having conflict, they're butting heads, they're not coming to an agreement, there's no unity in the certain area of their life. And so, as you look into those moments and a lot of you listening to this are now thinking of those moments, or maybe you're in the middle of one of those moments where you go man, this masculinity and femininity thing. Okay, like I'm trying to understand it, but how does that make sense to me right now? Is you've got to step back. You've got to take, you know, take your plane up to 10,000 feet and look at your scenario, really get to see where your woman is operating in. Is she, is she able to operate in her femininity, or are you now non-verbally requiring her to step into her masculinity?
Speaker 1:and make decisions for your life, make decisions for your family. Is she the one who's doing the planning for the vacation? Is she the one who knows the social security numbers for your kids but you don't? When there's an issue at school, is she the one that gets the phone call, or do you? So these are just multiple scenarios where you can see that women are being forced to step into the masculine seat because we, as men, have non-verbally now required her to, because we go. Oh, I'm providing for the house, so I'm going to go work, and while I'm at work, you're responsible for everything else. That is amateur. Yes, as men, we're all called to provide. That's amateur. Do something in the marketplace, provide somewhere, create value and get a check that's great. You're also responsible for the house that you have.
Speaker 1:So, that's your marriage, your relationship, your children and how they're being raised. And who is raising them? Cause, if it's not you, hopefully it's your spouse, a healthy version of your spouse, and if it's not that, then it's probably the school system. The school system is raising your children. We all know where that leads, right. So they're being inundated, indoctrinated with philosophies that do not work and will set them up to live a very painful life. So we've got to take ownership of again, awareness breeds responsibility.
Speaker 1:So, as you become aware of these scenarios, we have to, as men, take the responsibility of being the masculine creating the structure. So, if there's conflict and there's issues going on in your relationship, you've got to go in and create the structure. It can't just be oh, I have an idea for our life. Oh, I've got a vision board in my office. Yeah, good for you. But do you have goals for your family? Do you have a roadmap for you to get there? Are you the one who's leading that? You've got to. If it's your wife, that's a masculine wife. So, stepping into these and really taking the responsibility that you've got to go first. And so I know there's a thousand different circumstances we could probably bring up with men who are in some sort of conflict, trying to navigate masculine and feminine. But we've got to zoom out first and look at our scenarios and then we can start to decide well, what's masculine here, what's feminine here, who's showing up, how am I showing up and where can I make those changes?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know this is off script a little bit, but I think it'd be valuable for our guys to actually visualize. So we were talking about a couple that we know through our circle where the man has abdicated a lot of leadership and his wife has taken on the role for family planning, discipline, vacations, like you shared.
Speaker 1:Visionary finance role.
Speaker 2:Right, and so he's stepped into a highly feminine energy dynamic and she is in a highly masculine dynamic, and both those stem from parents and upbringing and the models they had. But now they're in this new, they're in this relationship between the two of them and they're having conflict because I think her default nature and correct me if I'm wrong she wants to be led, she wants to feel feminine, he wants to feel respected and feel masculine, but there's a breakdown in the energies because they're not A taking ownership. It relies strongly on him. But what's? What are some ways that a they can notice that they're in that first and foremost, what are some like red flags that I have abdicated my masculine energy? First and foremost, guys listening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, so great ways to do. That is when it comes to your family and how your family operates. Who created that dynamic? Was it because this is whether it was way your wife wants the kids to be raised, or this is the way that your wife wants the house to roll? Do you go to church because your wife says we're going to go to church? Um, do you do your finances the way you do Because your wife says this is what we're going to do? Is she the decision maker on those things? Um, again, also, as far as the easy one is, raising the children is uh, who's the disciplinary in the family, right? Who's the one who says? This is who we are, as my last name is Alashua, so as Alashua, I've created who we are as Alashua. That's part of our vision, value and visions and values.
Speaker 1:How we live our life so it's how we operate is based upon what I say and, yes, it's in an agreement with what my wife desires as well. I didn't steamroll her in those things or just make the decision on my own, but the standards of our life are set by me, which gives Britt the freedom to operate in her femininity. So, for men that feel like well, I'm living my life, but really, the decision maker and that really comes down to is the decision maker in the home happens to be my spouse. Well, you've advocated all of that decision making which ought to be yours. Right, you're forcing her to step into the role of leading the family, being the creative making decisions. This is the direction we're going in. This is what's valuable to us.
Speaker 1:I'm the one raising the kids, I'm the one disciplining the kids. I decide what we eat, where we go to eat, where we go to church, where we live are all decisions made by her. You've completely stepped aside in who you are and you're operating. And again, basically you are. You are designed the Bible says we're designed to be the head and not the tail and what you're doing. If that's you and this pokes you in the right area, that pokes you in an area, then you realizing that you've become the tail of your family. And right, so the person who leads can't lead from the rear.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so good, and so, if that resonates at all, I imagine some of the other clusters that this guy is experiencing is lack of sexual intimacy, right.
Speaker 1:Borderline non-existent.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So the reason why masculine feminine energy is so important, especially in the dynamic romantic relationship, is that that polarity is needed for attraction. You know attraction, you hear, opposite attracts. There needs to be a feminine and a masculine. Masculine needs to be a penetrator and a penetrated for there to be a dynamic between two people. And if she is operating in her masculine and you are default masculine because you're a man and you got a pair between your legs, there's going to be a lack of intimate polarity which ends up breeding all kinds of other conflicts. Guys are then going to the victim cycle and passive, aggressive feelings hurt or they continue to abdicate leadership, which only creates further difference rather than resonance.
Speaker 1:And neither one of their needs are being met. The woman's greatest need is security or certainty. A man's greatest need is to be respected, and this specific dynamic of this, of this household, is she doesn't feel secure, so she creates her own security. He doesn't feel respected, so he tucks his tail. Yep, so good, and that only amplifies.
Speaker 2:Love it, love that, let's, let's, let's break into the the how Okay Talk, talk me through some of your notes there, but also how this relates. I love that story because I think so many guys can resonate to at some point abdicating leadership and then having a and I use the word because we're familiar with it but nagging wife that's trying to drive decision because there's been some type of abdication of leadership. And then we're going to get to the shift of how you reclaim your healthy masculinity and guide her back into her feminine.
Speaker 1:Great. So part of the and you'll know. You'll know this if you're part of our community, but I'll just give it to you as part of what makes a high value man is a man that has vision and structure, is a man that has vision and structure, not a family that has vision and structure. A man must first have vision and structure for himself. You can't give the gift of anything that you haven't given yourself first. That's the gift of presence, the gift of love, the gift of peace. If you don't create that for yourself, you don't have it to give.
Speaker 1:So you've got to give yourself vision, you've got to give yourself structure and typically this is for the man, hopefully, that is single, that's figuring out his life, can understand and get this right before he gets into a relationship. If that's not you and you're already in a relationship, guess what? I'm not going to shoot your balloon down right now, because you still have the ability to do this. If there's breath in your lungs, then there's an opportunity for you to change and grow into the high value man. So vision and structure are number one for yourself and then, once you have created those, you can step in your family dynamic and begin to create it there. So vision and structure are first. Second to that is atmosphere. So we've got to create an atmosphere of safety, security, protection and emotional availability, and so what that means is if you have a woman operating in her masculine and you roll in after listening to this podcast on your way home from work and decide you're going to be.
Speaker 1:I'm the masculine I'm taking it. We'll see how that works out for you. It can't. So if you have a masculine scenario in your home, the way that you show up more masculine than that is by creating an atmosphere of safety and security. What that means is a woman in her masculinity is still shakable. A man in his utmost masculinity is unshakable. That doesn't mean you're emotionless, it means you're consistent. So I can trust that you're going to show up and be who you say that you are. That's consistency, so great.
Speaker 1:Masculine structure, even over a masculine woman's structure, creates an atmosphere of her to be safe and when she feels safe, that gives her the ability to then step into femininity. Femininity is that creative, tender, present, loving self, so she can still again going back to what we said at the beginning is her default needs to be operating the majority of her life in her femininity and have the ability to step into masculinity, versus requiring her to live in her masculinity and stealing her or robbing her of her femininity. So so vision and structure are key elements of masculinity, but also creating an atmosphere of safety, safety, security, protection and emotional availability, so that your spouse can then be present, tender, nurturing, fun, playful, sweet, sexual and even available, and so that's playful, sweet, sexual and even available. And so those are great keys for a man to take away from this audible today and put to work. So at some point you've got to take stock of how you're living your life and be honest with yourself. You can't be honest with yourself. You can't be honest with anyone else. Do you truly have vision for your life and who you want to become? Do you truly have structure for yourself to become that? Then take the context of those things and begin to integrate them into your family right. That's done through family meetings. That's done through financial dates. That's done through Brittany and I, at the beginning of every single year, do a getaway where we plan out our year and we talk about these things the structure, the vision and where we want to go to in a given year. Don't have to wait for New Year's. Make a date a week from now for you and your spouse to be away from each other and decide who you're going to become as a family. That is the structure, and she needs to hear that from you. She needs you to be the one that steps out and creates that time space and come with a game plan of what you're going to cover. So that's again that structure and that's vision.
Speaker 1:This reminds me of just a side story of my own of like 12, 10, 12 years ago I was in a business relationship in the restaurant world where I was franchising and things like that, and a high doer as a man, as I was out there doing these things for this, this relationship that I had, this partner that I had, and Britt, from the very beginning, was telling me, uh, I don't trust this guy, Everything about him just doesn't line up. And I wrote it off. I wrote it off as in like, listen he's, he's going to do the things that he's saying we're going to, we're going to see the fruit of our efforts here at some point. And to give you a very, very long story, short is, she was right. She was right as, in her femininity, had recognized the issues in this partnership that my masculinity was willing to overlook. And so I went several years in this relationship and when I finally decided to listen to my wife because some character flaws were exposed to me, or I finally saw those character flaws that Brett had been talking about since day one is, I realized that this relationship and partnership was going south and at some point would end and be very painful. So Britt had been telling me I need to sever it. So I finally severed it, and not only that cost us a couple of years of our relationship in a city that was away from our family, but it also cost me several million dollars and a very expensive lesson in my life to listen to my wife, to truly hear her presence and what she is exposed to and her intuition. Let that value bring and land on me. Very expensive for me, but again, that was me operating as more of a domineering masculine versus being open to her femininity. That's good. So that's just one story of many that I have that cost me quite a bit of money and cost me some time. Yeah, but other ways that and Aaron's already mentioned these things, because if you listen to podcasts, you follow him or us for any length of time, you're going to be exposed to these things often.
Speaker 1:But the true core of masculinity number one is to respond versus react. Men in our natural state want to react to things. We react because of a trigger, react because of a feeling. You can write those off and go. I don't have that many feelings, bro, Like I'm happy, sad or hungry, angry are the four emotions that I have. You're lying to yourself. Half your brain's emotion. You've got hundreds of different feelings that you are processing in every moment of every day that you're just not giving weight to.
Speaker 1:So if you want to be a masculine man, you have to know who you are.
Speaker 1:You have to allow yourself to turn towards your feelings in the midst of those circumstances and then integrate them. Integrate them means you take them in. They're no longer a hurdle for you. Now you can actually move forward in your life. It gives you the ability to respond to circumstances versus react, and that's huge. So so you want to be a mountain versus a mirror side story.
Speaker 1:We can edit that, Uh, but it basically means the same thing. But responding is huge. Um, response creates certainty for a woman. It creates consistency in who you are. If I know, you're not going to fly off the handle because something happened in your life, you're actually going to be present and talk to me about it. That's a great response. Second is structure, which we already touched on. Aaron mentioned the value of structure. Structure is you have to provide vision provision and protection for your family. Protection is not just physical. It's physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual protection. So you're creating space, this atmosphere that we talked about earlier, for these things to be fostered, and so vision, protection and provision are the structure that a masculine man provides for his family.
Speaker 2:I love that for his family.
Speaker 2:I love that, and I'm going to summarize all this because if you're a guy like me, you're knucklehead sometimes as we all raise our hands, yeah, and so simplicity will allow you to really take this in and actually do some action with it.
Speaker 2:It comes down to self-leadership, you know, for in order for you to lead a masculine or feminine woman, lead anybody in any capacity, you have to lead yourself first, and so self-leadership comes down to the principles that we teach inside of HVM, which is have vision Second part operate from core values and not your emotions, and stack consistent victories so you build your confidence and your competence and take on greater challenges. Vision, values, victories that's the framework. If you don't know where you're going, how can you expect your wife to have any type of comfort or safety or security that you know where you're leading her? And so the vision is the most important part. The values allow you to elevate above the emotions and make decisions and pre-decisions based on who you say you are in, identity, and the victories fuel that masculine part of us that needs to feel accomplished in doing, competing, achieving, pursuing, and all of these are internal operations so that you can create external outcomes that you, that you want.
Speaker 1:I love that, and what I hear in the context of what you're saying, aaron, is and, and and take. Take this, and if you walk away with one or two things, make this one of them. That you you've got to know, men, that the who that you are is far more important than the what that you do. So men can get so because we're doers, we can get so locked in on. This is right or wrong. This is the way that I am. These are the things that I do that that becomes the focal point.
Speaker 1:If the what that you do is a focal point, the who that you are becomes defaults. So you're living a life that's truly by default versus through self-leadership, by vision and values and stacking wins. You're actually going to manipulate for the positive the who that you are, and if you can change the who that you are, all the what's that you do will follow suit. So that's how you become the head of yourself, that's how you become the head of your family is you've got to be focused on the who that you are versus the what's that you do. Again, the what's that you do are nothing more than an outcome. So we teach. What we understand but we replicate is femininity, that we have the ability and the necessity to go there when it's necessary, but to truly be focused on the who's that we are, so that the what's can follow suit, is that I imagine a lot of our guys are, have thought about some point how do I lead my, my woman, if she's in her masculine, back into her feminine energy?
Speaker 2:because we want that. We want the loving, nurturing, caring gentle, just the softness. It is the feminine, that the ability to flow. We want the respect that is the number one need for men, and she wants safety and security. So say, she's been operating her masculine. She's an employer or employee or an entrepreneur. She's driven, she's ambitious, she's making decisions all day long. Then she comes home and she's making decisions in the household as well, and so she's stuck in that energy and, by the way, she doesn't want to stay stuck in that energy. So she's stuck in that energy and you can tell that there's conflict arising. And so you probably at some point if you're listening to this have abdicated leadership, and so you've defaulted into the PAM man, the passive, aggressive man that just avoids any type of leadership. Or you've tried to exert your masculinity by control, manipulation or domination, and that obviously creates conflict too, because you've got two bulls fighting for balance. And so what's some of the ways that our men can guide our women back into their feminine?
Speaker 1:I love that. So what you're bringing so I say these things is that trust is earned in droplets lost in buckets. In the same way, respect is earned in droplets lost in buckets. And so, if you're in this scenario, that that Aaron talked about, or that he created for us, is that you're not going to win your respect in a day. You're not going to show up after this, after hearing this podcast, and all of a sudden, the dynamic of your family and your relationship is going to change. It has to be earned in droplets.
Speaker 1:Droplets is created through consistency. Consistency only is a byproduct of somebody who's decided their vision. So we're not going to overcomplicate this. We're just decided their vision and is creating structure in their life. A small, so I'll sidetrack with the story here in a bit, but it really again, we're not going to overcomplicate this is, if you're in this scenario, that means you don't have clear vision for your life and you have. If you don't have clear structure in your life, which means you may have a structure that you think you have, but your actions don't follow suit, don't let your mouth write a check that your tail can't cash. So vision is huge, structure is huge. You've got to say things and follow through with them. That will start to earn you some droplets of respect. Start to do those around the house through small acts. In time you'll be able to take back some of the masculinity that you have now forced your wife to stand in.
Speaker 1:She's not going to show up today and you say, hey, listen, honey, I'm going to change who I am, and tomorrow she's going to be fully feminine. She's not going to show up today and you say, hey, listen, honey, I'm going to change who I am, and tomorrow she's going to be fully feminine. She's not going to happen. But what you can do is small things around the house to show that you are who you say that you are. Take out the trash before being asked. Start putting the kids to bed instead of making her do it, maybe. Maybe spend some time making a lunch or a dinner for your family without being asked.
Speaker 1:Schedule your own date night and your daycare. If you need that for your family, don't leave that on her. Start doing things for her, like keeping the house up. This frustrates me that if a house is out of order, we automatically, unconsciously, blame the woman Guess what? It's your home too, so it's up to you to keep the house in order or help keep the house in order. And if you're so busy killing it in the marketplace that you can't do that, guess what it's up to you to go hire someone to do it. Don't leave it to your wife to do. If you want to be respected and you want to be consistent and you want to be trustworthy and that all comes down to you want to be followable.
Speaker 1:You want to be consistent and you want to be trustworthy and that all comes down to you want to be followable, Then that is earned in droplets. Droplets come through vision, structure, consistency and an atmosphere of safety for her. So, again, not going to overcomplicate these things Just write them down and start to work on each one of them and start to earn your droplets of respect back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so good, so good. So if you are struggling in the dynamic of not feeling respected at home and you feel like your woman is stuck in her masculine, you've got all the red flags between abdicated leadership she makes the majority of the decisions, maybe even feel nagged or there's lack of sexual intimacy, excitement or polarity from an emotional or sexual standpoint in you and your person. What Josh is giving you is the framework for you to reclaim your healthy masculine, understand the dynamic that you guys are both living in and to start to take control. And that comes down to clarity of vision, creating structure for your life, for your feelings, having core values, stacking victories and being the consistent, high value man that she can love and respect, admire and follow. So true.
Speaker 1:And people, aaron, only change for two reasons. There's a Tony Robbins because they want to, or they hurt so bad they have to. So don't get to the fence of divorce before you decide to take action. If you're listening to this and you're in a relationship, you have the opportunity to have the relationship of your dreams. If you take action, if you're listening to this and you're in a relationship, you have the opportunity to have the relationship of your dreams. If you take action today, change because you want to. You still have that option. If you wait and you continue to be a Pam and you continue to be passive on things, you're going to get to a point where, where a constable visits you and starts to drop off paperwork to you and you go we're filing for divorce. I didn't even think we were in a bad place. Listen, take stock of your relationship. Awareness breeds responsibility. Take responsibility for your relationship and go out there and do what you need to do Vision, structure, atmosphere and consistency and start them today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and probably the best part that we'll tap into is don't do it alone. Your thinking got you into this, whatever this is for you, and if this is not what you want and it's not part of the visions you want, it's not part of the romantic relationship and dynamic you want, guess what? More than likely, you don't have the tools to elevate above it, and so you need some outside eyes. You need some healthy masculine competition, confrontation, challenge and community to teach you, show you and model for you exactly how to elevate above your circumstances. So don't do it alone. Join our free tribe. We drop a ton of free content on a weekly basis in there. We got a tribe of men that are elevating above their default nature to really become high value men, and the great thing about it is that you're in a day and an age where you don't have to just blame your circumstance. You can actually start change things.
Speaker 1:For sure, I love that Powerful.
Speaker 2:Anything else you want to add?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was just something I wrote down a little earlier. I didn't share, though, but but that a character is exposed in desperation. How you show up in difficult circumstances is an outward expression of how you see yourself. So it's time for men to start seeing themselves as masculine and quit pointing the finger at their circumstances. Take ownership.
Speaker 2:Read that again. That was deep.
Speaker 1:So character is exposed in desperation. How you show up in difficult circumstances is an outward expression of how you see yourself.
Speaker 2:So good.
Speaker 1:So if your circumstance is difficult, if it feels like you're alone in these things, you have to take stock of how you see yourself, and that's why the power of the HVM community is what it is. It's a group of men who've said hey, listen, I don't have it all together, but I know the direction I wanna go in and I wanna go in that direction with a group of other men who want the same thing. And so we get around each other and we lean into what's difficult, we choose our hard, we live a life that remains sore, but we're also seeing the growth and the fruit and the development that comes with being a part of that, and this is a place that exists.
Speaker 2:The HVM community. Love that Boom. My friends, if you enjoyed this podcast episode, do us a big solid in favor. Give us a five-star review, share it with another man on the journey and we will see you on the next episode. Much love, many blessings. Talk to you soon, boom, no-transcript.