The High Value Man Conversation
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The High Value Man Conversation
How To Break A Generational Curse Be the Father Your Kids Need
In a world where conformity is the norm, raising independent, free-thinking children is more crucial than ever. This episode dives into the critical question every parent must ask: 'Who taught you that?' Join us as we explore the conditioning that shapes our kids and how we, as fathers, can break the cycle.
Learn how to build a mindset that empowers your children to lead rather than follow. Discover practical tools like the 'Speaker Listener' framework, creating coaching moments, and compensating kids for knowledge, not chores. It's time to raise contributors to society, not just another generation of sheep.
Whether you’re a father, a future dad, or someone passionate about creating impactful relationships, this episode is for you
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How do you actually build a way of thinking and a mindset that is going to produce a free thinker, an independent child, a contributor society, not just another sheep? Sure, if you're a dad, this episode is for you.
Speaker 2:If you want to change the direction of our society, this is how it's done. It starts with a man, and the only way they can be done man is if you allow this to be bred inside you first. If you think that you're going to show up this way and be able to lead your children and coach them and create negotiations with them, but you don't do it first within yourself, you're lying to yourself. Your children will model who you are and if you're a failure, your children will be failures and you're going to have to deal with it. And we've talked about this before. The most difficult journey a man could ever be on is a man who's attempting to retro parent his children. So if you want to wait until you're in your forties or fifties and sixties to really let this sink in, then you'll get to spend the rest of your life retro parenting your children. Retro parenting through love, retro parenting through grace. It is incredibly painful and you'll wonder why your kids don't want to be around you.
Speaker 1:This is the high value man conversation podcast, a show dedicated to the mission of building high value men. One great man means a great family, a great neighborhood, a better city, community state and the world. The question is if not you, then who? Welcome back to the High Value man Conversation. This is episode 31. Who taught you that?
Speaker 2:Who taught you that we should all be asking that question? Who taught you that? Who taught you that we should all be asking?
Speaker 1:that question? Who taught you that? Ways of thinking, belief system, perspectives, you know, from child rearing to adolescence, to adulthood. We're stepping into the world with pre-programmed behavior and if you're not asking the question, who taught you that you're probably going to be operating as a sheep. Like society really wants our kids to be raised?
Speaker 2:That's exactly true. So society and families, Aaron, are we're, we're allowing our children to be conditioned right, To be conditioned to follow orders. Stay in their lanes, stay in our lanes, um, to think only about what they're told to think about. So focus goes or energy flows. You're going to focus on this and to act appropriately. And I put in quotes appropriately, appropriately being defined about, defined as in what others say appropriately is gentle beta men that are easily pushed around and don't cause any problems.
Speaker 2:Yeah, men should be nice. I hate the word nice. The worst Hate. Men should be kind Side conversation for another time. Hashtag come back to that. Kindness is a choice, but yeah, so so who taught you that? And we had a great conversation leading up to pressing record here, but just the understanding and even just giving ourselves the awareness, aaron, that regardless so from the moment we were born to this very moment you're listening to this podcast we've all been conditioned every step of the journey of our life, conditioned by the families that we grew up in, the home and neighborhoods we grew up in, the schools we went to, where we lived in the country, our religious backgrounds or non-religious backgrounds, things that we followed, heroes we've had, social media news, all of it. It's all conditioned our thinking and our philosophies and if we're not aware of that, then you'll never get a chance to ask yourself who taught me that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's good, this isn't working. Yeah, who taught me that?
Speaker 1:But even the other way to look at this, because I know that we're going to dive into this as a tactical episode for the parents, the fathers that are raising kids how do you actually build a way of thinking and a mindset that is going to produce a free thinker and independent child, a contributor society, not just another sheep? So if you're a dad, this episode is for you, as you're raising your kids, teaching them ways of thinking so that they step into the world in adulthood as contributing members of society.
Speaker 2:Yes, so important, so important. So, just talking about some of the things that we kicked around prior to the episode, one of the most powerful lessons that I think that we have created in our household creating the atmosphere of conversation and dialogue is I have I have a daughter who's going on six years old, and we started this right around the time she started four, but it really didn't anchor in her brain until about a year ago when she turned five, and so it's this overarching question that we have allowed her to ask at any point Is this negotiable? So good?
Speaker 2:As a parent, I think most parents want to say something, give a directive and have our kids just go do it. Life is far more simple when that happens. We don't end up having to repeat ourselves or have to go do the thing personally that we asked our child to do Just go do it. But then that leans back on what our why of this conversation is. That is a type of conditioning If you raise a child to never question you. If you raise a child, just do what I say, you are creating what I believe is to be a future sheep, sheep, bad.
Speaker 1:It is bad. Yeah, it is bad and so, but you think about this too. So if you are conditioning your child and you know teaching Talia at a young age to not just accept no, but ask the question is this negotiable? That requires a greater level of patience, intentionality, long-term thinking, and it definitely, I know, has slowed down a lot of your normal pace and speed. But if you're a parent like that should be your number one priority.
Speaker 2:It has to be. Jesus talks about go out and create disciples, right, not? Christ could have come to the earth as a just an overarching authority and just spoke and things would have just happened. And that's not the model that he gave. He lived a life where he created space for people to question, for people to act to, to be actively engaging in him and dialogue, and it's a great model for us as, as parents. To live out is all things Well. First of all, everything in life is a negotiation anyway. If you're in a romantic relationship, if you're married, if you're in the marketplace, if you own a business, if you have friends, you're negotiating everything.
Speaker 1:For sure yeah.
Speaker 2:And I love that. I've dropped on here before and I'll say it again but nobody negotiates with you more than you. So even we have internal dialogue with negotiating things, things, and that comes back to either compromise or commitment.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:So that's a great previous podcast as well.
Speaker 1:Is this negotiable and I don't know. We're going to dive into this, but you know giving examples and frameworks for how Talia brings that up from. You know wanting to stay up late, hang out with friends, like all of it. I just think about the intention and the presence that it was required as a parent, but also the long-term impact that this is going to have on her.
Speaker 2:Sure, Our desire is for our children to be able to think on their own, and what we're going to have to do inside of our home is create the model for, the template for that type of thinking, Because what I know is, when she leaves our home, the world's going to be regardless. She goes to a private school awesome for us she goes to our church and things like that. She's very involved in our family, which is great. But everything outside of our home is going to be a type of conditioning. Well, we want to condition her that all things are negotiable, that everything requires um, everything requires not just thought but curiosity and not being afraid of even a parent authority who's three and a half, four feet taller than her. That even when I say things, that she's willing and capable and able to look me in the eyes and say, dad, is this negotiable? Yeah, and to be able to have dialogue within that. And so, four or five, sometimes six times a day, every day, I hear the question is this negotiable?
Speaker 2:That's good, and so this is a seed that I look forward to watching it blossom in her in her youth and her teen years, and especially when she steps into the role of an adult. Yeah, seeing how this blossoms, but John Maxwell tells us that that you teach what you know, but you reproduce who you are.
Speaker 2:Say that, again, you teach what you know, but you reproduce who you are. So, again, aaron's talking about we're, we're, we're talking about parenting philosophies, but these are philosophies that first live in us. They first live in us. So if you want to have children that are free thinking, if you want to have a marriage that allows, that allows dialogue and curiosity, we have to be willing first to seed this in ourselves, right? So, title of the message who taught you that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good who taught you that? And to have that dialogue within yourself or with another man in your life. Man, my marriage is really difficult right now. What I'm doing is not working. Will you sit down and hash out with me? Who taught me that? That's good. It's very powerful. And then something that Aaron really liked, and so I'll drop it here as well Through imitation.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So this is, this is I want to spend a second on this so children learn limitation through imitation, limitation, limiting beliefs I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I'm not going to make it, I can't start the business, start the career. I got to stay in the bad relationship. They limitation any, any capacity through I'm afraid, I'm afraid Right. And so they see what you do and they follow in suit.
Speaker 1:And so you, as the leader of the household, the high value man you know, the leader for your relationship, for your marriage and for your kids, whatever area you are not willing to create some healthy conflict in, overcome, negotiate with your boss, your workplace, your marketplace, whatever it is. If you're not willing to challenge your way of thinking on who taught you that your kids are going to imitate it, imitate in every single way. So you think about all the areas, those vices that are lurking in the darkness drinking, drugs, masturbation, porn, procrastination, passivity, distraction, whatever your vice is. They're going to learn through imitation. And so the call to action in this is to realize that, in order for your kids to have the best opportunity to stand on your shoulders of greatness, you have to break through the things that are holding you back and holding you down For sure, and I am so grateful, first of all to God, but just so thankful for the life that I get to live now.
Speaker 2:It is very different, Aaron, from the life that I had 15 years ago, and, as great as I think of myself and I do think pretty highly of myself that the life that I get to live now has really been based upon the rooms I've chosen to put myself in over the past decade, and so that goes to from the church that we attend together to the relationship and the men that I'm choosing to pursue in my life, the different groups that we're in. All these are conscious efforts where I've had to get outside my own discomfort and get into a room where there's different philosophies, and being exposed to those philosophies has then had me ask the question man, I never thought of that. What they're doing is groundbreaking to me.
Speaker 1:Who taught me this? Who taught me my way of thinking?
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly and just to really stop and take stock of the who that I am. Because if I don't become aware of who I am, how I became that who, then I'm just going to replicate all the things that were difficult and painful in my youth. I'm just going to see that in my children and go okay, guys, good luck, go fight the kings, I was unwilling to fight. Go beat, go fight the Kings, I was unwilling to fight.
Speaker 1:Let me step out of the way so that let me hand you the shackles and the chains that I couldn't break through my because I couldn't change my thinking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, here's. Here's that grenade I couldn't get over. Good luck.
Speaker 1:Powerful, powerful, cool, all right. So clear picture, josh. We have to think about the question who taught you that? So that we can break the chains for our kids and teach them ways not to be the sheep. I love the first piece that you're teaching your, your, uh, your daughter talia, and then soon to be bodhi. But is this negotiable? First and foremost, everything is negotiable. Asking the question no does not mean no always. It means sometimes, not right now, and maybe you haven't presented a good enough case to turn into a yes, right and like how powerful is that, yeah, our kids have to be able to have conversations right Especially so.
Speaker 2:What I love about Talia is we do life with a lot of folks in their forties, fifties and sixties, so she's around people of that age and stature a lot of her life, and for my daughter at the age of six to go up to a monster who's way bigger than her, look up at them, look them in their eyes and actually talk to them is a skill that she's developing now and I truly tie that to this template of her.
Speaker 2:She's practicing this at home with us. So not just is this negotiable, but now I have the confidence to go have a say something, have a conversation with, look eye to eye with somebody and talk to someone who is way bigger than me. Yeah, where kids you see, a lot of kids naturally may just go off to the side, just be quiet, go entertain themselves versus being involved in a group and being part of a group, and so this is an early picture of what can be in her future. Yeah, and we see this play out with men. So, if you want to fast forward 20, 30, 40 years, we see men having the same issues and you've really just got to be able to question yourself Is this negotiable within myself, in a conversation like you talked about with your boss, your spouse?
Speaker 2:your friends are these scenarios negotiable? Yeah, good. Okay, moving on to faith. So that was a good family piece, a faith piece we had good conversation about this too but creating space for our children to question God.
Speaker 1:And define question though, because I think, you know, the question can come from a rebellious spirit, but it can also come from a curiosity spirit. Sure, the spirit of curiosity is where conviction is really built, and so we have to be able to question things that we're unfamiliar, unknown with, and God is that space. But how do you, how do you differentiate and teach curiosity versus outright rebellion?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, here goes my conditioned answer from the life that I've personally lived. We are all on a unique journey with the God that we know and understand. Right, everyone has to experience God in their own unique way. I think the Holy Spirit does a really good job about that if we create space for Him. So the big difference for me with questioning because that word questioning God, that phrase questioning God can hit some people like whoa, how dare you? Right, but really the difference in a healthy relationship in questioning God comes down to questioning from a standpoint of curiosity or questioning from a standpoint of condemnation. Big, big difference. And so if I want my daughter and my son to build a great intimate relationship with God and this is a template that we actually use in all of our relationships is am I able to question how things are? Am I able to question God in my own understanding of him? When scenarios look painful or don't feel just in the moment, can I question curiously what God's intent is with this? And we're all going to live life and lose people who are close to us, and bad things can happen. We're all going to live life and lose people who are close to us, and bad things can happen.
Speaker 2:Friends who I had a friend who died in a motorcycle accident. Young guy, 45 years old, love the Lord, was part of a bike group that ministered to bikers and so he died at a young age, was hit, was hit on the road, went down and died instantly. So I can look at his life and go, I mean God, he had so much you were, you were working through in his life Like, and go, I mean God, he had so much you were working through in his life, like. This does not make sense. Why did you let this happen? That's a question of condemnation versus God. You did, you impacted so many people in this man's life.
Speaker 2:His life was ended earlier than I think it should have been ended. But in curiosity, god, what do you want to see come from this right? The people that he was exposed to, the people that he was leading, this unique crowd of people? In curiosity, god, what do you intend in this? How can even I bring value to his life now that it's ended? And being more conscious on my own motorcycle, being aware of people that may be in that space, that may need to hear, hear from me? So, again, just just the difference of, and this is me creating my own individual, unique, intimate relationship with God is I've got to create space to be curious about him.
Speaker 1:Your heart posture is the biggest part. Yep, that's good. So teaching that to to Leah as an example, your your six-year-old what does that look like in conversation as you teach her to question God in a healthy, curious way?
Speaker 2:I'll preface that with. I started my response with here's my conditioned answer, and I say that because I was raised Catholic and inside the Catholic church, and again, this is my own conditioned, unique journey with God is my experience inside the Catholic church is you do this, you say this prayer, you kneel. Now you stand here, you do these rituals in order to be a good Christian, and there was never the thought process of questioning God in any capacity. Right, you either get it or you don't. You do these things, you're in, you don't do these things, you're out. And so that led on my own journey where I became a cactist in my own saying, saying where I was half Baptist, half Catholic, really on my own journey of just trying to understand who God is and his glory and his grace and his mercy.
Speaker 2:But how I can fast forward that now into time with my daughter is every night before bed I read her a book and I'd say 60% of the time we're reading stories out of her children's Bible, and so she sees things in there and she asks. She asks questions because it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense to her of you know how, how did? How did Jesus die and he wasn't dead and came back to life. So just, not just blatantly taking the story and seeding it and moving on, but even asking questions about, in her own curiosity how did this happen? What's the thought?
Speaker 2:here, what's going on in the unwritten kind of things, and so just being curious about the actions of God, the words of God, versus just taking a story and going, okay, it's got to be this way.
Speaker 1:It's good Love that it's a good application.
Speaker 2:In my next journey or my current journey with my going-to-be-six-year-old. We're all, generally speaking, raising houses where we had some sort of responsibility with chores. I have a lot of friends. Most of my friends have this thing called an allowance. You clean your room, you're responsible for this and the end of the week you get a couple bucks. Uh, not a philosophy of that flow that flies in our home, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, what the longterm impact of that is. If you do the things that you're responsible to do and expected to do as a a member of this community or society, you'll be paid for it, right? So that is very much a sheep mindset. Let me trade my time for money so I can get things that I want, rather than a way of thinking and value that you can personally grow and contribute to and have that be a leverage point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So again, the compensation piece of an allowance is you are paid for what you do in our home. I want my children to be less focused on what they do and more focused on who they are and who they're becoming. So the big separator between the what and the who so the what that we do and this is for us as men is we can be so myopically focused on the what that we do. I'm in sales, I'm a VP, all these things are the what's, but the who that we become becomes the tail, which is actually who's what's most important.
Speaker 2:Anybody who's been in high value community for more than 12 seconds know that we start with our core values, the who that we are, and so, by using this type of template, this type of philosophy in our home is my daughter has responsibilities. Now that she's going on six, she's responsible for the trash. It's one of her first duties Take it out to the garbage, very, very simple. But she's not paid for that, she's not compensated for that. She never will. Neither will Bodhi when he grows up, and the responsibility will grow as they age inside of her house. Because, as being part of my home, my tribe, my family, what value are you bringing?
Speaker 1:It's good it's good.
Speaker 2:What are you responsible for? Even as adults? I'm part of a larger family. I have to bring value. This is something I do, but I'm not compensated for it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how we'll compensate to leah is, as she's learning to read, and she's learning to read right now is she won't be compensated for her responsibilities. She'll be compensated for her knowledge and understanding. So what that means is, as a parent and I've read many, many books, and so has my wife, who's a doctor we will choose books for her and assign a value to them. So a book that a lot of men know is Think and Grow Rich. So at some point I'll give her a book. Think and Grow Rich is worth $250 to me. You're going to read this and then, when you finish it, we're going to discuss it, because I've read it several times. I want to know your takeaways, I want to know your lessons. We're going to have a conversation for it and you'll be paid for that, and so the more books that I believe that I can seed into my daughter while she's under my roof and my son as well the more I'll grow and I'll grow her knowledge and understanding, which makes her more valuable more confident relationship everywhere.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely so. The who that she becomes is the focus, versus the what that she becomes is the focus versus the what that she's doing.
Speaker 1:It's good, I love that. So good, Such a and guys listen to that takeaway. We've given you a couple hows and how to build a free thinking, independent contributor to society. But we're going to get deeper into this. But think about this If you're training your kids in the household to just accept no as no and to not negotiate, they're going to step into the marketplace and not ask for the promotion. They're going to step into the wrong relationship and just accept what their partner says and not have any healthy conflict or conversation.
Speaker 1:If you train your kids to be paid for the responsibilities that they should already be responsible for and just do because they're a value contributing member of the household and society, that's where entitlement is bred. I think entitlement is most disgusting thing we can see in adult men, but also in children. It happens in the household. You're not entitled to money just because you're in the household, because you take the garbage out Absolutely not. That's just what men do. We take out the garbage. We see a problem, we fill it. That's responsibility as a whole. But if you're compensating them constantly, that's how we end up in the workplace and marketplace with these entitled little brats that were never taught discipline in the household.
Speaker 2:For sure, my wife and I get coffee every Sunday before we go to church and of course, what girl, regardless of age, doesn't want a Starbucks? Also, I think they just like the warm cups in their hand. But of course, my six-year-old, she, calls it her coffee. It's a kid's hot chocolate, but she's like oh, daddy, I want my toffee is what she used to call it. And um, so, even now, because she's, she's earning compensation through other things in our house outside of what she does she has. She always has money. Um, because we're always trying to grow that philosophy in her head, but she's responsible for paying for her own two dollar cup of coffee and so that that's something to talk about entitlement just because you're in the car, just because you're in this family, doesn't mean you always get what mommy and daddy gets.
Speaker 2:That's, that's my money and I can choose where it's going to go. But here's a great coaching opportunity for us, with our daughter of one understanding the value of a dollar, what it takes to have and possess that daughter dollar. Also, it teaches her stewardship. She spends all her money on apps on her iPad. She's not going to have coffee money. She won't have money to tithe, which are my daughter does. She won't have money for her savings, which my daughter does, and so these are lessons that we can see into our kids of. You're exactly right you will not be entitled, because you're going to know the difference between earning and being and receiving.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good, so good, Powerful.
Speaker 2:Cool. Um, we talked about this earlier a little bit, but really just to hit it with a hammer. We're all taught and trained because we've been conditioned right. So we have to understand that all behaviors are mirrored. How we are showing up as men is a mirrored behavior that we saw at some point happen and we've integrated that into the who that we are right. Our children will do the same thing. So, being myopically aware on, behaviors are mirrored, all behaviors.
Speaker 2:So if your children are, I want to say, failing, if your children are falling short, if your children are not integrated well into their community, which is their school or their church or the friends they play with, um, you really have to take a look at the mirror, because your children are becoming what they see. They see you, you're the most influential person in their life, probably for the rest of their lives, and as men, we have to take ownership of it. It requires massive ownership. So, any area of your life, you see your children are struggling. They're not showing up, they're not doing what you say they're going to do. You have to be aware that that came from you. Take ownership of it and change the who that you are so that the what's that you're doing are being affected positively, also because your children will do in excess what we do in moderation. That's good.
Speaker 1:Yep, I love that Beautiful man. Let's get tactical, these guys. Yeah, let's give them some how. So, if you have young kids in the household, if you have kids in the household, if you don't have kids in the household and you're in the season, like I am, where you know it's coming down the road, these are practical, tactical hows so that you can teach and build contributing members of society that ask the question who taught you that? And they think for themselves. They negotiate with their boss, with the marketplace, with competitors. They don't just accept, no, they don't lay down and just be the sheep that society is trying to train and build out so that we can just be a easily ruled weak country. We don't want to get in that, but these are the questions. These are the practical, tactical how to get there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, even talking about country, we're in the middle of a political activity right now, with the presidential um voting going on. We lead up to having a going to have a new president here in the U S Um. Who will it be? One of the greatest difficulties that we see between the two parties is the ability to unify just in dialogue. Yeah, that's good, unifying dialogue.
Speaker 2:So the first tool that we want to give you is a tool that that couples pay us thousands and thousands of thousands of dollars for, and you get it for free here, and it's uh, it's it's called the speaker listener. Speaker listener so we can practice with our children. You can also practice this with your spouse and your friends. Speaker listener is very simple, although it's difficult for most people to get. It means Aaron and I are in conversation and he has something he wants to share a conflict, a story, whatever it may be. He's going to tell me in full what he's thinking, what he's feeling, and I'm going to be silent. I'm not going to interrupt you, I'm not going to try to defend what's going on. I'm just going to listen to you and then I'm going to attempt to give back, to defend what's going on.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to listen to you, and then I'm going to attempt to give back to you what I understand, what I heard you say. What I heard you say was Did I get that?
Speaker 2:right, Did I? And then also at the end of it, did I get that right? Most of the times you can try to get that. Unless someone gives you a 15 minute vomiting of words, it's really tough to encapsulate everything, but I'm gonna give you a highlight of your thoughts and your feelings. That's what the listener does. There's one speaker, there's one listener and then it flips back and forth. But to be able to create a speaker-listener type environment with your children is huge. There is necessary free thought. That has to happen when the speaker-listener is being utilized Because natural conversation, natural conflict. Actually, is you going to share something that doesn't feel right to me?
Speaker 1:Hey, you hurt my feelings.
Speaker 2:And I'm going to interrupt you. Yeah, and my tone's going to change, my volume is likely going to go up and all of a sudden we're caught in this demon dialogue. Yeah, of this polka dance of now, I'm throwing shots at you, you're throwing shots at me, and it quickly turns into something that's a knockdown drag out. Speaker listener is I'm not going to tell you how I feel, aaron, you're going to share with me what you have to share and I'm going to just give back to you the points that you shared with me and then say did I get it right? If I didn't help me correct myself, I'll try again Now. Did I get it right? Once I've gotten it right, then I'll start to share with you my thoughts on the moment.
Speaker 2:And so this is a way that creates a lot of conflict will go away. A lot of unhelpful feelings disintegrate in the moment. If you can truly put to use the speaker listener With men, that's a great thing to practice on With our spouses it's a great thing to practice on. But it's a great gift to give to our children, because it forces them to think outside the box, to be heard, to be valued, to have a parent sit and listen to them in full and then tell them what they heard.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and take that into the expectation for all communication moving forward. And again, everything is modeled right. As your child enters into the marketplace, into relationships, into anywhere where they have other people to engage with, they get to give the gift of speaking and listening and have that be the expectation. So the impact that this gets to have on the world is so powerful because the greatest issue in all relationships is communication.
Speaker 2:For sure If you're not feeling heard. That's exactly it. It comes down to the basis of a lot of things. It's fundamental for us. Exactly it, and it comes down to the basis of a lot of things. It's fundamental for us.
Speaker 2:The second practical takeaway tool that we have is, as parents, it is our job to create coachable moments. Don't let moments just happen, whether you're on a family vacation or you're out to dinner and your kids are acting nuts right. Every moment, as a parent, my eyeballs should be focused in on what coaching moment can I create in this? And so this is something that we utilize with our daughter quite often, and this comes in moments where more so now, that are moments that are difficult for her and typically more emotional for her. But for, as a parent, I have the ability to think logically and not just emotionally.
Speaker 2:Our research tells us that the frontal lobe actually closes at around the age of 24. We used to think 18, which is why all the laws and regulations are at the age of 18, but now science is saying 24, that I have the gift of logic to give to my daughter, which she does not possess yet. She's a little emotional being, and that may not shift for a couple of decades. But even in moments where she's not showing up as her best self, or she's being overly emotional or she's just not thinking clearly, as a parent, to create a coachable moment of we're going to see it this way, we're going to talk about this. We're going to utilize the speaker listener in this moment. When she asks is this negotiable? And I say no, it's, she realizes okay, no doesn't mean no, it just means not right now. How can I create a coachable moment in this? So, as a parent, it's intricate for us to create free thinking through coachable moments, to not just let moments slip away.
Speaker 1:That's good, powerful. And again this goes back to the long-term legacy impact that you're going to have on your kids If you rush past these moments where you don't take the opportunity to coach them or create this new framework of thinking of like is this negotiable? Yes, we understand that's going to slow things down, right. Of course you just want to be able to run at high speed, get your wife and your kids to fall in direction, but what does that really create long-term? You're only ever going to be remembered for the legacy you leave behind. At some point you're going to die as a man, as a high value man, and the greatest impact that you're going to have is the impact you had on those closest to you your kids and your wife. And so every moment where you have the opportunity to really lean into intentionality, coaching moments and encourage them to be the free thinkers say dad, is this negotiable? Absolutely son, absolutely daughter, thank you so much for asking. Here's how it looks. Yeah, that's powerful. Think about the long-term effect that will have yeah, and you're absolutely right.
Speaker 2:It takes 10 to 15 x the amount of positive attitude and effort and time to create those moments with my children than to just steamroll them. Yeah, you, if you do this, if you don't do this, I'm going to spank you yeah which is how a lot of us are raised and again, that's a form of conditioning. But again, as you're talking about creating space for dialogue, questioning curiosity and then even coaching is intricate in creating free thinking children if you want to change our country, if you want to change the direction of our society let's go this is how it's done.
Speaker 2:It starts with the man, and then the only way that can be done, man, is if you allow this to be bred inside you first. If you think that you're going to show up this way and be able to lead your children and coach them and create negotiations with them, but you don't do it first within yourself, you're lying to yourself let's go. Your children will model who you are and if you're a, your children will be failures and you're going to have to deal with it.
Speaker 1:Good, and, by the way, this is agnostic. Republican or Democrat, no matter which side of the fence you're on, male or female, he, they, she, whatever this is agnostic. If you don't solve these issues and these problems within yourself, you will only replicate, duplicate and multiply the problems that you're facing.
Speaker 2:Yep, and we've talked about this before, the most difficult journey a man could ever be on is a man who's attempting to retro parent his children. So if you want to wait until you're in your forties or fifties and sixties to really let this sink in, then you'll get to spend the rest of your life Retro parenting your children. Retro parenting through love, retro parenting through grace. It is incredibly painful and you'll wonder why your kids don't want to be around you. Yeah, let's go get it now.
Speaker 2:The last item that we had to give, that's tactical tools, is one we've already mentioned, but it's book compensation. Right, if you want your child to end up on a manufacturing line or to live out their adult life in a cubicle, keep doing what you're doing, because they're going to be paid for what they do. Yeah, that's good. You'll always be compensated. You're compensated. We are compensated for the amount of solutions we can bring to a problem. Yep, if we're focused on what our hands can do, that's limited. Yeah, right, we want to focus and help our children understand that the more that they know and understand and can apply and can apply through knowledge, then the more they're going to be compensated as adults because they will be solution bringers versus line workers.
Speaker 1:It's good Right.
Speaker 2:So we have to break this mold of they're learning everything they need to learn to prepare for their life from the school and the education system.
Speaker 1:And there's and I want to speak to this there's absolutely nothing wrong with working with your hands and being a laborer for a season, because you will extract massive discipline around hard work and be able to follow directions and be a part of a team. All that. These are principles that are universal anywhere. It's the idea that you're growing your mind, not just the time for talent. You're not trading time for money. You know the time for time for talent. You're not trading time for money. Long-term, for your kids to stand on your shoulders, they have to develop a deeper understanding of wisdom, knowledge, application, execution, all of that. Those are frameworks that can be taught.
Speaker 2:For sure. I'm thinking specifically of uh, of Neo in the matrix and his cubicle life that he absolutely hated, and how people can easily get stuck in that rut in the world of the corporate world. And I do a terrible Morpheus, but I just hear his voice in my head going free your mind. And so this Red pill, or blue pill, red pill or blue pill. This is how it is done right Through negotiation, right Through thinking, truly like who taught me that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2:And is this something that I want to seed into my children? It's either going to be a stepping stone. My philosophy is either going to be a stepping stone for them or a crutch. Well, guess what? It's up to me to decide, boom.
Speaker 1:So good, so good, guys. I want to recap three tactical hows. First, apply the speaker listener in your romantic relationships. You can apply with your kids. Teach them by modeling to them, because they will imitate their limitations from you and so show that in the dynamic relationship. Have one speaker in your romantic relationship with your wife or your woman. Have one listener. Here's what I heard you say that I get that right and allow your partner to correct you so you guys can get on track with good modeling in the household.
Speaker 1:Compensation for reading I think this is the greatest gift as a whole. Think about the ability to, just like neo in the matrix, download those blueprints for all the great things they get to do in their future. Right, and so he's, he's on, he's on the roof and he needs to learn how to fly the helicopter. He says, all right, no, it's not neo, it's trinity, trinity, yeah, yeah. And just down, download it, just download it. And that's exactly the beauty behind being able to learn and being compensated for the way you're thinking. Your application and the negotiation is such a powerful tool inside the household. No does not mean no in all situations. Everything's negotiable. So teach your kids to ask for the negotiation. It means you got to slow down and but in that you get to create coaching moments. Love it. Coaching moments are everything, because they will end up being an imprint of you and either leave you a powerful legacy you can be proud of or somebody that you're a little bit disappointed in.
Speaker 1:Indeed, as always, men, if you enjoyed this episode, do us a big favor. These are five-star review comment. Comment below. Share this with another man on his journey. Become a high value man and then join us inside of our community. We have a free community, free resources, training, teachings. You get an opportunity to connect with us on a weekly basis. But get inside. Don't just listen to this conversation, this podcast, and do nothing. Don't be that dead bump on a log, that passive, aggressive beta sheep of a man. That is the problem in our society. No matter what side of the fence you're on, you know that passivity is the problem. So take action today. Get inside the tribe and we'll see you on the other side. Do it much love, many blessings. Talk to you soon, boom no-transcript.