The High Value Man Conversation
The High Value Man gets what he wants from WOMEN, WORK AND THE WORLD OF MEN. He's confident, charismatic, creative and collaborative and it all begins with High Value Conversations. Have a listen to this weeks High Value Conversation.
Hosted By:
Erin Alejandrino & Josh Lashua
The High Value Man Conversation
The One Formula That Can Save Men From Failure
Feeling stuck?
The truth is, most men never grow because they don’t know how to change. This episode of the High-Value Man Conversation Podcast gives you the exact blueprint to create momentum, break cycles, and become unstoppable.
In Episode 34, we reveal the 5 C’s of Change
the tools every man needs to master progress in his life:
🚢 Curiosity – How self-awareness is the first step to real transformation
🚢 Control – Why mastering your state and effort changes everything
🚢 Coaching – The power of outside eyes to push you further
🚢 Champion – How to own your attitude and effort for peak performance
🚢 Challenge – Why living uncomfortable is the key to lifelong growth
It’s simple: progress equals happiness, and progress requires change. If you’re not moving forward, you’re choosing stagnation. Don’t let another year pass you by without leveling up.
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And the number one need that we all have, the one integral, core, valued need that we all have, is progress. So, even when things are good, we desire progress which requires change. We have to be able to traverse the five C's of change if we're ever going to see true progress in our life.
Speaker 2:What's the worst case if you just let undisciplined thinking just take its toll?
Speaker 1:I think the worst case is where you are now is where you're going to be the rest of your life, even if it's a decent scenario. You can think about an ideal situation where everything feels good right now. Well, imagine this exact same way 40 years from now. Get off your tail and move your body. Go for a walk, do a workout, do some push-ups. Do something to change your state. Increase your blood flow. The upside of that is what you're pushing with your blood, and your brain will actually help you be more decisive, be more positive in your decisiveness. It opens up the ability to be creative about your situation.
Speaker 3:This is the High Value man Conversation Podcast, a show dedicated to the mission of building high value men. One great man means a great family, a great neighborhood, a better city, community state and the world. The question is, if not you?
Speaker 2:then, who? Welcome back to the High Valley man Conversation. This is episode 34, and it is the five C's of change, and we all got things that we're trying to change. Whether it is your bank account, your body, your relationship, you currently have results in your life that you're trying to change. Whether it is your bank account, your body, your relationship, you currently have results in your life that you're not happy with. That's the only reason why I change, because people change for only two reasons.
Speaker 1:You want to or you hurt so bad you have to.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And the number one need that we all have, the one integral, core, valued need that we all have, is progress. So, even when things are good, we desire progress which requires change. So we have to be able to traverse if you want to say S, e, a, s traverse the five C's of change If we're ever going to see true progress in our life. And we have to be willing to walk through and decide and put effort in.
Speaker 2:Of all the things we're going to talk about, so I love it, the five C's this is a play on words, but it's five C's but also like five C's, just like if you are a captain on a ship and you realize that where you are is not where you want to be and there's a future destination of vision, of what you want. You got to create some change in your life, and so these are the five, five changes that you need to make to have your ideal life For sure, and so the overarching thought that I want us all to start with is you cannot control your thinking.
Speaker 1:You can't control your thinking. You can control what you do with it. That's good. So we all have, as you talked about scenarios, situations, hurdles, reroutes in life that are either really painful or really painful, and so to understand that we are not who we think and that's not who you think you are, you're not all. You're not who you are based upon your thinking. You are who you are based upon your doing. So you do control your thoughts based upon your actions. It's good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you think about this like we.
Speaker 2:We have those.
Speaker 2:And the reason this topic kind of came up is as I was sitting outside with Ness after our Wednesday morning men's call and I just thinking about, well, I just wasn't, I hadn't controlled my thinking, I think it was just kind of running rampant and it was going all kinds of random directions.
Speaker 2:I was thinking about the squirrel that Ness was chasing and directions. I was thinking about the squirrel that Ness was chasing and I was thinking about like the bills that need to be done and client work and all this and I just all over the place and I noticed after just a few minutes of undisciplined thinking that I felt very scattered. I felt scattered and I was like man, I've got some things I got to focus on. I just felt out of place and how quickly it is we can get into that as just our being, where we just feel scattered as men. We've got no direction, no vision, not operating core values and next thing, we know our life is a reflection of that and it all comes from your thinking. And so the thought behind this is that we are not our thinking. And if you don't control your thinking through your attitude, your effort and then navigating the seas of change. You end up being a reflection of very scattered thought.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I even think about how God created us. There's a book that talks about. Women's minds are like spaghetti and men's minds are a lot like waffles, as in. We have different compartments within our brain that we typically like to open, we dabble in it, we do whatever we need to do, we close and go on to the next one. The ability, or the in my opinion, the strength of being male and masculine is, if I'm working in a single compartment, then I have the ability to focus, and what we're talking about now is with a squirrel brain is the lack of intentional focus, when really that's, by design, a strength that men can have, that we're designed to have, but because of the life that we live, the country that we live in, the rapid pace at which we live at and social media and all the things, is that we have now conditioned ourselves to live a default life, unfocused and and, uh, no intention, not getting really anything done.
Speaker 2:Next thing you know that scattered thinking is leading into a scattered lifestyle and we're in that pits. We're in that pit, we've, we've landmassed our ship divorce, diabetes. You know, the bank, the business is bankrupt, whatever it is because your thinking got out of control. Yep, for sure. So let's, let's take a minute, let's get these guys, uh, you know, focused into you know what's the worst case if you just let undisciplined thinking, um, just take a stall.
Speaker 1:I think the worst case is where you are now is where you're going to be the rest of your life.
Speaker 2:Ooh.
Speaker 1:Even if it's a decent scenario. I mean, you can think about an ideal situation where everything feels good right now. Well, imagine this exact same way 40 years from now. Would you feel as content about it Then as you do now? The answer is an overwhelming no, right. So we can all fabricate painful scenarios, but even if it's really good right now, it won't feel that way down the road.
Speaker 1:It comes back to our need to progress, and so where we're going to go with this conversation is every brain is the same, male or female, but half our brain is logic. The other half is emotion. A lot of men want to discount that and go I don't have emotions. Yes, you have your brain's emotions, and what I like about that is we have the ability to focus with our logic. We also have the ability to focus on our feeling, which is our emotion, our ability to connect, and so where we'll go with this is.
Speaker 1:There's two things, aaron, that you and I talk about regularly. It's what in life can we control? There's a lot of men that like to white knuckle things. Pull their boots up by their you know, pull their boots up by the straps and say I can just muster my way through it. I'm a white knuckle. It it's really not true. It doesn't work out well.
Speaker 1:But what we can control is our attitude and our effort. Our attitude is what we do with what we think and how we feel, that our efforts, the amount of action we put to that. So, to start with, the basis is you cannot control your thoughts. You can absolutely control what you do with them. That's the whole point of attitude, it's the whole point of effort and it's not to handicap anybody, but that's really to empower the individual, empower the man to go listen. I can't control my thinking, but I can control what I do with it. I can't control how I feel, but I can control what I do with it. And if I can do that, then I'm fully empowered to show up as the best version of myself in every scenario regardless of the crap or the circumstance that I'm facing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that attitude and effort, you know, the first point that we put that into is your ability to be curious about where you're in. You know, and I when you think about the framework for this, if you're not curious about the results that you've created, you don't have the awareness and without awareness there's no change. You know, change the really the ability to change the trajectory of the life that you're, that you're in and the results that you have, begins by being curious of where you're at. So the first first step in this first C is to control your attitude and your effort to create curiosity around your current circumstance.
Speaker 1:And that takes a lot of maturity. It takes a lot of maturity because if you're, if you're willing to be curious about your situation, regardless if there's another person involved or not, whether a boss is involved, whether a spouse is involved, whether a child's involved, whether a friend's involved, but if you're willing to be curious about a scenario, then you're also willing to take ownership of what you can inside that scenario. That's good. That's good, Yep, which is empowering.
Speaker 1:Yep Terrifying too, can be. Yeah yeah, because often, if you go look in the mirror, all you see is yourself. Right, that's where the curiosity really has to come up in this situation. I know that I'm a part of it, and if I'm a part of the problem, that I can also be a part of the solution. So what can I control outside of me? No one, it's me. If I can control myself, what can I actually control? Here you go your attitude and your effort, what you do with, what you think and how you feel and the action you choose to put towards it.
Speaker 2:It's good. It's good. Step one in the five C's of change is curiosity.
Speaker 1:Um, well, I want to. I want to give to the guys first, and we will definitely get to the five C's. You guys have takeaways and you have tools to put into motion, for sure is coming. But I also want us to bring awareness to what brought us to this current state of life that we're in. There's an equation, aaron, that we have taught for quite a long time, just to give us a visual of how we got to where we are, how we became who we are right now, in this scenario, in this life today.
Speaker 1:That is the equation of nature versus nurture. Most of us have heard this. Nature is essentially your genetics. You're at some point if there's breath in your lungs. You have parents, you were born somewhere, you have someone's genetics that you're carrying on. Nature, nurture is the house or the environment in which you grew up in. So those two things are ingrained in who we are. The human brain, from the time of conception to seven years old, develops based upon nature and nurture. You're pretty much who you're going to become as an adult by the time you're seven years old, which is why, as a parent, you need to be very aware of the environment that you're creating and the presence that you're giving to your children. After seven, if you've not done things well, retro parenting begins, which is one of the most difficult things any man can ever walk down. So highly advise you be present and be decisive in the environment, home that you have. So anyway, first part of the equation is nature plus nurture. We covered that. Second piece is influence. We are all influenced by lots of things.
Speaker 2:Environment.
Speaker 1:By environment, by social media, by jobs, by situations. We have influences in our life, but you also have to be aware that you have the ability to choose your influences and if you don't choose your influences, you'll have default influences that dictate the direction that you're going in. Yeah, so nature plus nurture plus influence, or influencers in your life encapsulated by your attitude and your effort, which you can control. Nature plus nurture is out of our hands. That's just part of the cards we were dealt. You choose your influencers. You also choose your attitude and your effort. That's good. So where I want to go with that is where your focus goes energy flows, one of my favorite Tony Robbins of all time, and what I like about that.
Speaker 1:If we hover over influencers, who influences your life by default? We've all had coaches, right? If you've gone to a school at any point in time, you played sports at any point in time. Coaches are assigned during the early stages of our life, so you have a sports coach. If you played sports in school, teachers that taught you things. Those are your influencers. If you went to church as a kid, you had pastors, so these influencers in your life were assigned to you. Okay, well, fast forward into adulthood, and I'll say 24 and up, because the frontal lobe really doesn't close to the age of 24. So I call you an adult at 24 and hold you to it, but at 24, at least at 24 and beyond then you are now responsible for choosing your influences For most people, and by influences I replaced that word with coach. So the term coach, because we have a pretty similar definition of what a coach looks like. Your only coach in life after 24 can't be your boss.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1:Your only coach in life after 24 can't just be a pastor yeah, that's good. Your only coach in life after 24 can't just be a pastor. Yeah, right, you have to choose who's going to sit in the role of influencing me. It can't just be Instagram. It can't just be Tik TOK. It can't just be the news station, right. So we have to choose who we are allowing to speak and be influential over our thoughts and over our life. That's the second portion of take control of. That's good.
Speaker 2:That's good. The power of this is again comes down to the curiosity of understanding that you had certain cards that were dealt to you your nature, your nurture, the environment that you're brought up in. You don't have control of that, but you do have the ability to choose and change. Who isn't going to influence you in the environment that you're in now? This is why the first steps of these seas of change is first to become curious. How did I learn the way I think? Pastor Keith talks about this all the time. Who taught you to think the way that you think? And if you don't ask that of yourself and become curious of it, you don't have the ability to create the self-awareness to change. And this is really what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1:Yep, and again, curiosity is empowered. Remember that curiosity is empowering and is the first C to get you to your destination of change. That's got, we know you want.
Speaker 2:Love that. So the first one is curiosity. Ask yourself the question how did I learn to think the way that I think, and is it going to be effective to getting me to the destination that I want?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the effectiveness, the litmus of effectiveness is your life is what you rehearse.
Speaker 2:It's good.
Speaker 1:So you're. If you have thoughts that are circling your mind, then you're rehearsing those thoughts. If you don't choose to change them, it's good. The actions in your life that you're taking that aren't giving you the life that you say that you want, or that you think that you want is because you're rehearsing these actions on a weekly basis. Look at your schedule. It's probably the same. You're always in a rehearsal. So again comes back to taking back your power by being curious about your own situation. What are you rehearsing? What are you thinking? What are you doing on a regular basis? That's really just a default cycle.
Speaker 3:Sure.
Speaker 1:You can keep living the same year over and over again and wondering why you keep having the same stuff Curiosity and understand that you are rehearsing your own life. You are what you rehearse. That's good.
Speaker 2:Because you got the curiosity, you got some awareness. Now the next thing to do is create control, and by controlling what you can control. And so this is the second C in the C's of change. First one is curiosity, Second one is control, and what I love about the control piece, there's something we can always control attitude, effort and our state, and so your attitude in a specific momentum-building movement. This is like a state change will control essentially your emotions and your attitude, and so great state changes that you have control over are exercise, physical movement, some type of focus, outward service, creating a conversation where someone's going to be uplifting and speak into your life. Ice bath is one of my favorite state changes breath work, meditation. But do something in that moment, Once you create the curiosity to control your state yep, and it all comes down to some sort of physical movement.
Speaker 1:When people are in us in a state of heavyweight criticism, feeling like life has got them, like there's no way they can get out of a situation you think of this Eeyore type head down, shoulders down, You're typically sitting. You're going to be very static. The exact opposite of that is get off your tail and move your body. Go for a walk, do a workout, do some pushups, do something to change your state. It'll increase your blood flow, increase your heart rate, increase your blood flow. The upside of that is what you're pushing with your blood into your brain will actually help you be more decisive, be more positive in your decisiveness, creates it. It opens up the ability to be creative about your situation. So this isn't just a hey guys. We recommend no. Get off your butt and go do something. Move your body before you start to make decisions.
Speaker 2:Change your state curiosity control your state by changing your state.
Speaker 1:Number three Coaches Number three Coaches, Coaches all come down to the influences in your life. Quit living a default life where your coaches are assigned to you. You're a grown man, Figure it out. Most people have a boss Okay great, he can probably coach you in a few things, but he's not going to help change your entire life. Who's coaching you in your finances? It needs to be somebody, whether it's just whether it's reading a book or you go and you seek someone to help you understand your finances. Who's coaching you in your relationships? So this is a big one. Who's coaching you in the way that you see and do marriage? Who's coaching you in the way that you see and do parenting? You need to have someone in your life who is challenging you, pushing you in that area.
Speaker 2:Think about this. If you have kids and they play any type of sport, they step up to the plate and they have not a whole lot of reps and sets and experience swinging the bat towards the ball, and so the coach's opportunity is to give them the outside perspective, change your foot position, change the angle. Here's where you need to look, here's where you, how you should breathe All these small, specific, subtle movements create positive change to where, over time, you build momentum, you start stacking the wins and you hit the home run. That's the power of a coach is getting the outside eyes to see your blind spots. Give you small, small, subtle changes so you can get the result that you want.
Speaker 1:For sure, and you can think of any sport. I immediately thought of golf. For guys that go, I want to try golf out for a little bit and they start to go play on their own. You're never going to fix your swing on your own. You need someone to watch your swing. You need someone to coach you through what you need. To be taking reps as we go backwards to rehearsal, you go back to rehearsing what the coach is saying. So you don't visit a coach once, you don't visit a coach twice. You need a coach throughout a duration of a season where you're taking the correct reps to start to create the momentum that you need Again, whether it's sport related, life related, financial related, relationship related.
Speaker 2:I love that.
Speaker 1:Coaches is number three.
Speaker 2:Curiosity, Become curious about why you're in the situation. You're in Control your state by creating some positive movement. Motion is created by motion. Get the coaches in your act to give the outside perspective which leads into champion.
Speaker 1:Champion your attitude and your effort. Guys, we're going to beat this thing like it's a dead horse. It's the only two things in life that you can absolutely control right now is what you do with your thoughts and your emotions and the amount of action you put to those. You must live a life with a positive attitude if you ever want to gain altitude.
Speaker 2:What if I've got negative thoughts?
Speaker 1:Then you need to go backwards and be curious about them. Be curious about where those negative thoughts come from. They probably didn't come from you. They probably came from somebody that spoke over you in your youth A parent, a friend that said oh you know, you're the fat kid, you're slow, you're stupid. These things that are said early in our life continue to. We rehearse those as we get older. So go backwards to your curiosity, be curious about it. That's going to give you empowerment to change a thought.
Speaker 3:Then change your state change your state.
Speaker 1:then choose a coach that's going to help you take the correct reps, so you're rehearsing the correct reps, so that you can champion your attitude and your effort. It's good. It will impact every area of your life, every moment of your life.
Speaker 2:I love that. I love that. So the champion is a perspective, it's mindset. You're pushing for the best, your best version of yourself, championing that attitude and effort, making a priority which leads directly into the very last c, the fifth c of change, which is challenge challenge, challenge.
Speaker 1:No one's going to challenge you except you. I take that back. If you don't challenge yourself, the irs may challenge you. Your bills will challenge you. Your spouse will challenge you when she becomes more masculine than you. Your children will challenge you of your own inconsistencies in life.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So the mirror will challenge you as you get fatter, sure. So you have to choose to seek the challenge. Yeah, we all have the ability to decide what hard looks like. Life is hard. It never gets easier. If you decide to choose your hard, you're going to choose to seek the challenge. If you decide to choose your heart, you're going to choose to seek the challenge. And the overarching I'll just use the word again the overarching challenge here is a lifelong vow to live sore. If we challenge ourselves in our relationships, if we challenge ourselves with our body, if we challenge ourselves in curiosity and coaching in our finances, if we challenge ourselves in our faith, then we're always going to be in a place where we're uncomfortable. Yeah, shocking that growth requires discomfort. Yeah, that's good. So you have to challenge yourself in every area of your life If you truly expect or want to progress, which you know is a need.
Speaker 2:Yep, and as you challenge yourself, the great thing behind a challenge is every time you create a victory, you create a little bit of internal confidence and competence that you can take on the next one. So challenges create. And a challenge is every time you create a victory, you create a little bit of internal confidence and competence that you can take on the next one. So challenges create momentum. The momentum builds the movement towards that long-term vision, mission and destination that you want. The power of challenge is that every time you win, you keep winning. You keep winning. You have the potential to keep that momentum going. So challenge yourself in a continuous cycle of being curious, controlling your state. That's your attitude and your effort. Get the coaches in your life that will also challenge you to change your perspective, your trajectory. Champion that internal attitude of greatness by focusing on the two things that you can control just attitude and effort and keep, keep challenging. Lean in. It's good.
Speaker 1:Lean in the one of the greatest types of sabotage that any man can choose for himself is complacency. Something's gotten good in my life and I like it. Now I want to not put as much effort in. I want to kind of take it easy. I'd like to take a vacation.
Speaker 2:Coast a little bit there's no coasting in life.
Speaker 1:You must lean into your challenges. And guess what? If you're around a coach and they help you through a season and you get to a place where you've become the sensei of that, find another coach. There's always someone out there that's smarter than you, that's further down the road than you, that has what you want. So there's no reason to not allow the challenge to continue. We should be challenged from the moment we're 24 to the day of our last breath, in every area of our life, if you truly want to be a high value man.
Speaker 2:It's good, truly want to be a high value man. It's good, Boom, Mic drop. How to change your thinking, change your destination, change your life. You have to navigate the five C's of change, which begins first and foremost with curiosity, the awareness that something needs to change by your current results. Control your state, which is your attitude and your effort, and go, do something physical with your body. Emotion is created by motion. Bring into your life the right coaches that will challenge your way of thinking, that will change your perspective and bring awareness to your blind spots. Champion the internal attitude of greatness. Attitude and effort is really the only two things that you can control and continuously face challenges and live a life of soar Amen. So good as always.
Speaker 2:My friends, if you enjoyed this conversation, leave us a five-star review comment like it. Share it with a friend. Join us in the free high value man community where we share teachings, breakthroughs, blueprints with you, just like this and reach out to us If you are struggling, suffering, white knuckling it, lone, wolfing it in your life, and you're isolated and alone. You don't have to do that. That is a choice. We're going to challenge your thinking, put you inside of a community of high value men that will support you, compete with you and, more so than anything, help you challenge yourself so you can reach the greatest heights of who you are meant to be. As always, much love, many blessings and we'll talk to you soon, Boom.
Speaker 3:We off the podcast. Get back to the fucking mental lab.